


If It Tastes This Sweet

by ellehcorx



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-03-30 20:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 44,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13959780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellehcorx/pseuds/ellehcorx
Summary: Dan is a lost 25 year-old working as a barista. He has a hopeless crush on a customer who comes into the cafe daily. His co-worker thinks he’s being a good friend by writing down Dan's name and number on his crush’s coffee cup. Unfortunately, he gives it to the wrong black haired man with blue eyes and glasses.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song Call Me Out by Sarah Close. 
> 
> TW for this chapter: homophobia, emotional/physical abuse and neglect, and depression briefly mentioned in a flashback. nothing too in detail.

Dan woke up from his sleep to a dark room dimly lit by the sunshine trying to peek through the grey London rain clouds. He blinked a few times to adjust from the black behind his eyelids to the sad excuse for light. His eyelids felt heavier than usual from crying himself to sleep.

Once he was oriented to his bedroom surroundings, his eyes glanced over to the ticking clock hanging over his doorframe. _8:13_ , he read. After a quick second or two of reading the time again and processing it, his eyes widened and he jumped out of bed.

 _Shit._ Dan realized he pressed snooze on his 7 AM alarm several times. He was now 13-going-on-14 minutes late for his shift at the café. Dan hurriedly stumbled into the bathroom to brush his teeth, change into his uniform, and then he slid into his shoes and coat before he locked his flat and ran down his apartment stairs. 

The café, which is horrendously named _Joe’s Joe_ , was three subway stops away from his home. Dan pulled out his cell phone from his jeans pocket and called Joe, the owner of the café if that wasn’t apparent enough.

“Joe, I’m so sorry, I overslept and I’ll be there in 20 minutes,” he desperately rushed to say while simultaneously speed walking. Dan is definitely not the most fit person so he constantly thanks his long legs for allowing him to cover more ground in less time.

“Daniel Daniel Daniel, you know we’re always busiest on Monday mornings. Hurry up!”

Dan could hear the clattering of equipment through the phone before Joe hung up.

He had been working at the cafe for 3 years now. Joe is the father of his childhood friend, Jake, who gladly helped Dan when he was going through a rough time with his family. He became like a father to Dan, so whenever Dan disappointed Joe, he always felt horrible. 

Dan sprinted out of the subway car and up the stairs the second the doors opened at his stop. He could feel beads of sweat forming on his forehead from all this physical activity his body was not used to. It was mid-May, so the warmer temperature wasn’t helpful in his situation.

Once he reached the store, he sped walked straight to the back, wet a paper towel and wiped the sweat off his face. He then washed his hands and tied his apron on before heading back to the store front.

On his way, he popped his head into Joe’s office and said a quick “I’m so sorry!” before joining his fellow employees. He doesn’t miss Joe’s stern, but slightly worried glance before stepping towards the cash register to relieve Adelaide of her duties.  

“How mad is he?” he asked over Adelaide’s shoulder while pointing his thumb in the direction of Joe’s office.

“Not Hulk, but I think he’s really stressed out about something today,” she responded as she shuffles to the back counter to help Oliver with drinks. “But seriously Howell, you know I hate taking orders when I don’t have to!”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry, Addy. I’ll make it up to you later!” He flashed her a quick smile before turning his attention to the next customer in line.

Dan put on his best fake smile and pepped up his attitude to take people’s orders. He found it easy to fool people into believing he genuinely cared about how their day was going or how nice the weather outside was, as especially evident by the amount of people who left tips in the tip jar.

The morning rush slowed down at around 10:30 AM, so Dan leaned his back against the counter and crossed his arms as he caught up with Addy about new gossip.

Adelaide and Dan became close friends when she started working there a year ago. She reminded Dan of Snow White because of her short, dark hair and porcelain complexion. They usually only hung out at work because they both work full time, but they occasionally went out for drinks on Friday nights after Dan’s shift ends because Addy has that day off.

“Do you reckon you’ll be brave enough today?” Addy asked Dan.

“I don’t know… probably not,” he responded with an unsure shrug.

Every week day, at 11:30 AM, a man named Elliott comes into the coffee shop and orders a large caramel macchiato. He has jet black hair, black rimmed glasses that make his blue eyes pop, and wears well-fitted suits.

Dan had secretly been crushing on him ever since he started coming into the shop a month ago. He’s always a stuttering mess whenever he takes Elliott’s order. The only information he’s personally gotten from him was his name and whether he was having a good day or not.

Addy had been the one to relay that Elliott recently started working at the law firm nearby whenever Dan had days off and she was at cash.

“What are you guys talking about?” Oliver asked after he finished cleaning some blenders.

Oliver has only been working with them for a few days after switching over from the evening shift. He’s a young, single dad whose daughter just started school, so he wanted to be able to be home with her in the evenings. His personality would be classified as “bro”, but the more Dan gets to know him, the more he sees how nice, genuine, and caring of a person he is. He’s sure fatherhood had been a positive force in his life.

“Danny here has a little hopeless crush on that guy who comes in every day. He’s trying to decide if today’s the day he writes his number on his cup,” Addy responded with a smirk.

“Thanks for announcing it,” he hissed.

“The one with the glasses?”

“That’s the one!” Addy said as Dan pulled the neck of his shirt to cover his face in embarrassment.  

“Aw, don’t worry about it mate! I swear I see him looking at you every time he’s in here.”

“Really?” Dan lowered his shirt so his eyes were now visible.

“Mate, I wouldn’t lie. I swear!”

Dan could feel his face getting hot as he revealed his mouth and neck again from his black t-shirt. Was he that much of a mess when Elliott came in that he misses him staring?

“Hey, can one of you come give me a hand with reorganizing the stockroom?” Joe popped his head out the door, interrupting their conversation.

“Sure thing!” Oliver departed towards the back of the store.

Addy and Dan continued to talk about Elliott. They discussed how perfect the quiff of his hair was, how blue his eyes were, and how nice his ass looked in the plaid suit he wore last week.

“Speak of the devil,” Addy said as she gave Dan a little wink and nodded her head in the direction of the door.

Dan turned around and instantly felt himself hold his breath.

“Hi, welcome to Joe’s, um, l-large caramel macchiato again?” Dan asked with wide eyes staring at Elliott. He looked extra handsome today, but that just may be because Dan hadn’t seen him since Friday.

“Hey! Yes, thanks. I guess I’m a regular now,” he said with a small laugh.

All Dan could do was respond with a weak laugh while internally face palming himself.

He turned to pass the cup to Addy who mouthed “do it” to him. Dan just shook his head “no” and mouthed “I can’t”.

After Addy finished making his drink and placed it on the counter for Elliott to take, he raised his cup, said “cheers” and dropped some coins into the tip jar before walking towards the exit.

Dan could only watch as this fine specimen turned away from him.

“Howell, I’m disappointed!” Addy shook her head as she placed a hand on Dan’s shoulder and watched Elliott leaving too.

“I am too,” he said with a sad sigh. “But whatever. A guy like him is way out of my league. He probably isn’t even gay.”

Oliver returned from the back room as Addy exclaimed a loud “finally, I had to pee really bad” before heading off to the bathroom.

30 minutes later, the bell over the door rang as another regular to the coffee shop walked up to the counter.

“Hey, what can I get for you today?” Dan asked, more confident than he had been with Elliott.

“Hm, think I’ll try a medium green tea latte today. Is it any good?”

This man who also happened to have black hair, black glasses, and blue eyes, was named Phil, but he wore plaid button up shirts instead of suits.

“Yeah, it’s one of my faves!” Dan responded with a smile.

“Do you have any new pastries this week?”

“We got this cherry cheese danish that’s pretty good if I do say so myself.”

“Great! One of those too!”

Dan rang up Phil’s order. Phil always overpaid and told Dan to keep the change.

He handed the cup to Oliver so he could start making the latte. He was so busy grabbing the danish and making small talk with Phil that he didn’t see Oliver shifting his gaze mischievously between him and Phil, then grabbing a Sharpie off the counter to write Dan’s name and number on the cup.

Oliver popped a sleeve over Phil’s cup so only the words “call me” were visible. He figured Dan would never do something so gutsy on his own, so he decided it was a good idea to step in and help a brother out.

He had never been present whenever Dan and Addy mentioned Elliott by name, all he knew was the man’s description which Phil matched perfectly. He somehow was always busy in the back, helping Joe with tasks during the down time whenever Elliott came in, so he had never witnessed Dan swooning. Though Phil wasn’t wearing a suit, Oliver just assumed that he was just having a casual day.

Phil grabbed his cup and said, “Hope you have a good rest of your day. See you tomorrow!” He gave Dan a small wave and little smile before heading out.

“He sure comes in here a lot,” Oliver said as he stood beside Dan.

“Hm, yeah I guess he does. He must work nearby.” He shrugged, not giving it a second thought.

When 4 o’clock rolled around, Addy and Oliver departed while the evening staff took over. Dan stayed back and entered Joe’s office.

“Joe, I’m really sorry I was late this morning,” he said as he sat in the wooden chair in front of his desk.

“Daniel, you know you’re like a son to me, yeah?”

Dan nodded as he looked Joe in the eye.

“You’ve been late for your past 3 shifts. What’s happening? Something wrong?”

Dan always forgot how perceptive Joe was to his behaviour because he’s known him since he was 8 years old.

Dan and Jake met in school and became fast friends. Dan was over at the Marano household a lot because Dan’s mom didn’t really care too much about his whereabouts.

His own home was practically unlivable due to his mother being a hoarder who neglected decluttering the house or taking care of Dan properly after his father passed away suddenly. She met her current boyfriend, Matt, when Dan was 18. When Matt found out that Dan was gay, he turned Dan’s mother against him and kicked him out of the house.

Dan showed up at Jake’s house and the Marano’s took him in instantly and treated him like the family he should’ve had.

Despite his mum, Judy, not defending him; she would often call him in the middle of the night whenever she and Matt had a big fight. One time, Judy begged him to come pick her up from their house. Dan returned to the Marano’s home alone with a split lip and a shiner gifted by Matt. His mum changed her mind when Matt was yelling insults about Dan’s homosexuality while hitting him.

Dan insisted that the Marano’s not call the police and then proceeded to lock himself in his room, cry himself to sleep, and not eat for a week after the incident. The Marano’s supported Dan through all of it and they made sure he got the best help he could get. Dan, now 25, still regularly attended therapy to help him navigate his thoughts and feelings so he won’t fall into that black pit of emptiness again. But whenever he hears from his mum, his mind goes spiraling and it gets hard to focus on things like sleeping or concentrating.

“My mum called me a week ago. I didn’t pick up, but she left a voicemail. Something about how Matt’s gone and we can be a family again. But I can’t trust it, not after the last time she said the same thing,” Dan said as he stared at the folded apron on his lap that he took off.

_The last time he heard from his mum was 3 years ago. Dan was already having a hard time with his internal struggle of staying in his law program to not disappoint the Marano’s or dropping out because his heart wasn’t in it. His mum called and said she left Matt and needed somewhere to stay, so Dan welcomed her into his flat hoping things would really be different. They got along well for a few weeks until he overheard her talking on the phone to Matt._

_“What do you mean I have to choose?” he heard her ask._

_“Dan is my son, he needs me!”_

_Dan felt slight happiness and thought his mom was finally putting him first._

_Until he heard her say, “Okay, I’ll be there tomorrow morning.”_

_Dan’s heart shattered as a tear rolled down his face. He walked over to his bedroom, shut the door, and pulled the covers over his head._

_In the middle of the night, he heard his bedroom door open. His mom planted a small kiss on his forehead before retreating the way she came. The front door creaked open and close._

_The confirmation of his mom’s choice sank in and Dan started bawling into his pillow._

_When he woke up the next morning, the only note he found was a Post-It on the kitchen table that said “I’m so sorry!”_

“I’m sorry Daniel, I wish you told me or Helen,” Joe’s face looked red with rage when Dan looked up at him.

Joe always hated how incompetent of a mother Judy was. How she couldn’t be strong for her own child and could just abandon him at the snap of a finger.

“I thought it was something I was old enough to deal with on my own,” Dan said quietly.

“I never want you to deal with anything on your own. I love you, okay? You’re the only son I have here with me ever since Jake decided he wanted to travel the world than be here with his old man.”

Joe stood from his chair and walked around his desk to pull Dan into a hug. Dan was a few inches taller than the older man, so he bent his head down so his chin could rest on Joe’s shoulder.

“I love you too, Joe. Thank you, really, for everything. I can’t say that enough,” Dan looked him in the eye.

“I’ll have Helen make that herbal tea blend that helps with sleep. I bet you’re not having much of that since Judy called.”

Dan nodded.

As he started walking towards the door, he turned back around, “is everything alright with you, Joe? I heard you were having a stressful day.”

“Nothing for you to worry about, son.” Joe shot him a small smile. Dan could tell he was hiding something, but decided not to press him.

He tossed his dirty apron in the hamper before walking out of the shop towards the closest subway station.

By the time he got home, it was already 6 PM. He decided to order an Indian takeaway because he was too lazy to cook and clicked play on the remote so he could watch Queer Eye on Netflix while he ate.

Dan felt moved by the changes these men made to become better versions of themselves at the end of every episode. He couldn’t help but cry whenever someone on the show cried. He felt inspired to start making changes in his own life, such as figuring out what he wanted to do for the rest of it.

 _I wish I had my own Fab Five to sort my life out_ , he thought.

Before he could get up to grab his pen and notebook from his bedroom, his phone pinged. The only people that texted him were Joe, Addy, and Oliver when he had a question about work or wanted to switch shifts. He felt a little worried that it would be his mum.

 **Unknown number:** Hey!

Dan’s breathing halted for a second as he rushed to compare the number his mom called him from and the number texting him. He released the breath he was holding when he realized they were different.

 **Dan:** Who’s this?

 **Unknown number:** Oh, probably should have said. It’s Phil!

Dan raised an eyebrow at his phone. The only Phil he knew was the customer from the coffee shop.

 **Dan:** Phil from the coffee shop..?

 **Unknown number:** Yeah! I know you said to call, but I thought texting would be easier.

Dan felt very confused because he had no idea what Phil was talking about. 

 **Dan:** I don’t actually remember giving you my number.

 **Phil:** Oh

 **Phil:** You wrote it on my coffee cup.

He thought back and could clearly remember not doing that. The only other person who was there was Oliver. _That son of a bitch_ , Dan thought.

 **Dan:** Phil, crap, I’m really sorry. I think my co-worker must’ve wrote it on your cup for some reason.

 **Phil:** Oh

 **Phil:** Don’t even worry about it. Sorry for bothering you.

 **Dan:** No, Phil, I’m sorry! I’m sorry about all of this!

Dan never received a response back from him. He felt a pang of guilt even though he technically did nothing wrong. What possessed Oliver to give Phil his phone number? He’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get his answer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will probably be every Monday!

Dan woke up earlier than his alarm clock because of his eagerness to interrogate Oliver. He still sat up drenched in sweat at 3 AM from a nightmare and took 30 minutes to fall back asleep, so he felt tired despite his motivation to get up. He checked his phone to see if Phil responded to him, but saw that he had no new messages.

He came into work 15 minutes earlier than his shift and found Oliver drinking his morning coffee at the break table.

“Oliver, why did you write my number on Phil’s cup?” He cut to the chase as he sat in the seat across from him.

“Phil?” His face showed confusion then his eyes widened a bit at the realization. “That guy yesterday’s not the guy you have a crush on..?”

“No, you idiot! Phil is definitely not Elliott.” He shook his head.

“Well.. shit,” was all Oliver could say. “But he’s got the black hair, blue eyes, and glasses you and Addy always talk about..”

“Pure coincidence that they vaguely have the same characteristics, but very different faces and names.”

“Man, I’m so sorry Dan! I’ll explain the whole situation to him when he comes in today. I always find a way to screw things up.”

Dan’s anger softened as he realized that Oliver was really just trying to help him out. He let out a small sigh.

“Oli, don’t beat yourself up over it, okay? I know you meant well, but yeah just please don’t do anything like that again.” 

Addy walked into the back room to put her belongings away in her locker.

“What did I miss?” She asked as she took her earbuds out and noticed the look on Dan and Oliver’s faces.

“I may have written Dan’s number on that customer Phil’s cup thinking he was Elliott,” Oliver shared with a look of slight shame on his face.

“Oh my God, the guy who always comes in with the cute little button-up shirts?”

“That’s the one,” Dan answered.

“How did you find out? Did he call you, Howell?” She asked. Her face evident with intrigue as she slid into the empty seat at the table.

“He texted me last night and then when I cleared up the misunderstanding, he stopped replying.”

“That boy is really sexy in that nerdy kind of way,” Addy said while giving Dan a little eyebrow raise and a smirk.

“I guess..” Dan gave her a questioning look. “What is that look for, Addy?”

“I’m just saying that he messaged you..” She raised her hands in defense. 

“Come on, guys. I unlocked the door and people are going to be coming in soon,” Joe interrupted as he walked into the back room and into his office.

The three of them got up, tied their aprons on, and began to serve the first customers of the day.

“I promise I’ll clear it all up with him,” Oliver told Dan before they left they walked through the doorway.

Unfortunately, the shift came and went without Phil entering the store.

Elliott came in at his usual time and Addy made sure to point him out to Oliver so he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Dan was his usual awkward self as he took his order.

Friday rolled around, which was Dan’s last shift before his 2 days off, and Phil still never made an appearance since he had texted Dan. Normally, it wouldn’t bother Dan if a regular stopped coming in because life happens and people get busy or find new coffee shops to go to, but he felt partially responsible for Phil not coming to Joe’s anymore.

He had plans to have dinner with Addy after his shift. He hadn’t seen her today because it was her day off. They decided to try a new sushi restaurant that opened up near Addy’s apartment. 

“How was your day?” Addy asked him once they were seated and had ordered.

“It was okay. Overly tired. Excited for my days off.”

“Still not sleeping well?”

Dan shook his head.

“Well I’m proud of you for making it into work on time for the rest of the week.” She gave him a small smile.

Dan let out a huffed laugh.

“How was Elliott’s butt today?” Addy asked while wiggling her brows.

“To be honest, I actually didn’t give him a look today.” His face apparent with confusion at the realization.

“Okay, who is sitting across from me right now? The Dan I know always checks out Elliott and lets me know how fine he is.”

“I know. Gah. It’s just that Phil hasn’t come in all week and I feel like it’s my fault?” He looked down at his empty plate as he thought back on the situation.

“Dan, look at me. You did nothing wrong, okay?” She held out a hand from across the table so Dan could put his hand in hers. She reassuringly rubbed her thumb on his hand to comfort him. 

He had the tendency to overthink things, especially when the feeling of guilt came into play.

“Plus, you have his number, yeah? You can always, I don’t know, shoot him a little text if you care to do so,” she said with a little shrug.

After they ate, they went back to Addy’s apartment to watch a movie. Dan played with Addy’s cat, Lila, as he mindlessly watched the screen. It happened to be another self discovery kind of film, which Dan hopes would inspire him to put himself out there, but instead makes him feel like shit for not doing so.

He left her apartment at 11 PM and went straight to bed when he got home, not bothering to scrub the lingering scent of stale coffee from his hair and skin. He didn’t realize how exhausted he was, but he was emotionally tired from his brain being so worried about Phil’s disappearance.

Dan woke up early the next day, doused in sweat from yet another nightmare. He noticed that the sunlight was actually shining today and peering through his blinds. Dan usually felt better and more productive when he received that vitamin D.  _ Hopefully the day will feel better than how it started _ , he thought.  

He picked up his phone and saw that no one had messaged him yet again. Dan opened the messages app and clicked on his conversation with Phil. He figured that he was never going to stop feeling bad until he finally spoke to him.

**Dan:** Hey, it’s Dan from Joe’s. Just wanted to check in and make sure you’re alright!

Dan decided to abandon his phone on the couch and take a long, hot shower so he wasn’t just waiting around in anticipation. He hated that feeling of holding your breath and your stomach aching from stress. 

After he had dried off and changed into new sweats, he raced back over to his living room to see if Phil had responded.

**Phil:** I’m fine.

His response should’ve been enough for Dan to move on from the situation because he knew Phil was okay. But he needed to know if Phil was upset over what happened.

**Dan:** Good good. Just haven’t seen you around lately.

Dan saw as the three dots appeared and disappeared a few times before Phil finally pressed “send”.

**Phil:** I’ve just been busy.

Dan racked his brain trying to think of a way to tell Phil how sorry he was about the mix up without making it awkward.

**Dan:** Listen, I’m sorry about the whole situation earlier this week. If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, please just ask.

**Phil:** No, it’s okay.

**Dan:** Okay. Offer always stands. Hope you have a good weekend!

Dan took that as the finality of their interaction. He felt a little better after reaching out to Phil, but not 100%.

As he was preparing lunch for himself a few hours later, his phone vibrated on the kitchen counter.

**Phil:** Actually

**Phil:** What are you doing today?

Dan wiped his messy hands on a paper towel and picked up his phone.

**Dan:** Nothing, what’s up?

**Phil:** I kind of need help filming something. My tripod decided it’s had enough of me and broke just now.

Dan chuckled at Phil’s wording. He had no idea what Phil does for a living or what he even films, but he was willing to help him out as a way of making up for Monday.

**Dan:** Just text me the address and I’ll be there.

Even though Dan was heading to a stranger’s house, he’s had enough small chats with Phil over the past month that he’s been coming into Joe’s to know he’s not a scary person. He didn’t feel like he had to be cautious. 

The address Phil texted him was 4 subway stops away from his flat in the opposite direction of Joe’s. He decided to quickly pop into the Starbucks on his way to Phil’s and grabbed a venti green tea latte and a venti caramel macchiato, along with some cake pops.

He rang the doorbell to Phil’s complex and Phil buzzed him in. 

“Oh my god, you’re heaven sent,” Phil said as he saw what Dan was carrying when he opened the door.

Dan smiled at him as he walked through the door. He wasn’t sure what to expect. On the way over he worried that Phil would act coldly towards him or hurt. He wanted to make sure Phil knew that what happened on Monday wasn’t in any way a joke that was played on him, only one big misunderstanding.

Phil took the drinks and food from Dan’s hands and placed it on the kitchen table.

He had a very open concept apartment. The only actual room seemed to be one door that lead to the bathroom. But from where Dan was standing, he could see Phil’s kitchen on the left, the living room in the centre, and a bed with a vibrant blue and green checkered duvet to the right.

“Very cool place!” 

“Thanks, I just moved in a month and a half ago.”

“Oh yeah? From where?” asked Dan.

“Manchester. I moved there after uni.”

“Nice!”

Dan saw 2 box lights set up and aimed towards the bed. The deceased tripod on the floor next to them.

He lifted a single brow questioning the scene laid out before him. 

Phil saw the look on his face and quickly stated, “Oh.. Oh no! I film YouTube videos. Not porn if that’s what you were thinking!”

Dan burst out laughing while Phil looked mortified and covered his reddening face with both of his hands.

“Thanks for clearing that up,” Dan said, still laughing a bit.

Phil was filming a video where he tried on a bunch of different clothing items that his fans recommended for him. Because his tripod had broke, he had Dan do all the filming.

“I hope I do a good job!” Dan said as Phil handed him the camera.

Phil grabbed one of his hands and observed it for a quick second.

“You’ve got big hands. I’m sure you’ll be able to hold the camera steady. Just don’t cover the mic!”

Phil’s oddities made Dan laugh to the point where he really tried not to make any noise while actually filming, but failing to do so.

When Phil came out of the bathroom wearing black ripped skinny jeans and a grey tee, Dan couldn’t help but notice how good he looked in the outfit, and said, “it looks good!” out loud.

He pressed the record button to stop it. “Shit sorry, do you want to refilm that? I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Phil just smiled at him. “No it’s okay! I think having the extra opinions help. Feel free to say more stuff. You’ll be like this faceless entity who the audience never sees.”

As they kept filming, Dan came to the conclusion that Phil’s job was really fun and that he could pull off any style. By the time they finished filming, it was 6 PM.

“That was actually really fun and entertaining,” Dan said as he handed Phil the camera back.

“I’m glad you had fun! Thank you for helping me out.”

“It’s the least I could do.” Dan shoved his hands in his pockets as he remembered the reason why he was there.

Phil was shutting off the box lights, then turned to face Dan.

“Dan, don’t even worry about that. Honestly, it’s cool. Water under the bridge.”

Dan just nodded, not wanting to express how guilty he truly felt because he knows Phil meant that he was over it. 

“I guess I should head out then.”

“Do you have somewhere to be? I was gonna order a pizza if you wanted to stay.”

Dan really didn’t have any plans on this Saturday night other than playing video games in his pants, so the option of being social was much more intriguing. Plus he could never say no to pizza.

“No plans. I can stay.” Dan smiled at him.

Phil grinned back. “Great! I’ll phone it in.”

While they waited the 20 minutes for the pizza to get delivered, they sat on Phil’s couch and talked about his career. Dan knew that being a YouTuber was something that people could actually make a living off of, but he didn’t understand how. He personally never had much interest in watching videos about other people’s lives. He also didn’t like how easily social media could make him or any follower feel like crap because people tend to only post the positive and luxurious parts of their lives. Dan wasn’t exactly jealous of the lives others lead, but in the sunken position he was currently in, he didn’t need to added stress of wondering why he didn’t have an ounce of the things these people have at their fingertips.

Phil talked about how he loved making short films when he was younger, then when YouTube launched, he started posting what were now called vlogs.

“It just kind of snowballed from there. At first I was little Philly L and then I evolved into AmazingPhil with millions of subscribers.”

“I need to check out your channel when I get home. I’m actually so fascinated by all of this.” He whipped out his phone and subscribed to Phil’s channel so he’d remember to watch his videos later.

“Oh. I don’t know if that’s gonna be weird or not! Promise you won’t judge half the stuff I do.” Phil brought his fists up to hide his face away in embarrassment.

“I’m gonna make a list of every single thing I think you do that’s weird and watch you cringe to death.” Dan laughed as Phil proceeded to cover the rest of his face with a pillow from the couch.

Dan was enjoying how easy it was to talk to Phil. Even though their small talk was never forced or awkward when they’re at the coffee shop, Dan was kind of glad that circumstances lead to them actually having a greater conversation.

Aside from Addy, he didn’t have any friends he considered close. Ever since Jake left to travel when they were both 20, it was hard for them to stay in touch a lot. Dan still considered Jake to be his brother and nothing would change that, but they weren’t kids growing up together, playing video games until their eyes couldn’t be pried open, and talking about life anymore.

The buzzer rang and Phil got up to go get the pizza. Dan walked into the kitchen, opening up all the cupboards, to find plates and glasses for drinks. He was amused that Phil had so many mugs for someone who lived alone. 

Phil joined him in the kitchen, box of pizza in hand, and directed Dan to grab the Ribena in the fridge.

They returned to the lounge and ate together in comfortable silence while Phil put on Friends as background noise. 

As Phil cleared their plates and cups to put into the dishwasher, Dan dazed out for a second. He came to the realization that Phil worked from home on the daily, yet he came into Joe’s every Monday-Friday. Dan wasn’t thick, but he didn’t want to assume that Phil fancied him if he actually didn’t.

When Phil returned, he noticed the questioning look on Dan’s face.

“What?” He asked with concern. “Do I have sauce on my face?”

“Why do you go so far to buy your coffee every day?” He looked at Phil with curiosity.

Phil looked taken aback and peeled his eyes from Dan’s to look around the room for a lie to tell him, “you, um, you guys have some really good coffee.”

“Phil, our coffee is kind of shit and overpriced,” Dan smiled at him, the wrinkles around his eyes becoming visible.

“Why did your friend write your number on my cup?” Phil asked as he looked down at the floor. 

Dan’s face dropped at the switch in topic. He didn’t want to hurt Phil with the truth if he did have a crush on him, but he didn’t want to lie about it.

“Um. So Oliver was aware of this guy I have a bit of a crush on who I guess matches your physical description aside from being a different human. But yeah, he thought you were him,” he said with an apologetic smile.

Dan couldn’t get a read on Phil’s face if he did get crushed in that moment. But suddenly Phil’s smile returned on his face and looked genuine.

“That’s kind of hilarious,” he laughed to himself a little.

“It is, isn’t it?”

If this situation happened to him, he didn’t think he would be this cool about it. Phil was really something else.

“My brother, Martyn, lives in the neighbourhood near Joe’s. He manages my merch, so I like to pop in some times and have lunch with him. It’s probably the only time I really get outside.”

Dan nodded his head. Now he felt dumb for assuming Phil had a crush on him. But proceeded to ask jokingly, “why’d you text me then?”

A blush crept onto Phil’s face. “I, uh, don’t have very many friends here. I figured we get along every time I come in to the shop, so why not?” 

Dan started laughing to himself about the mix up that lead them here. “I bet if this hadn’t happened, we maybe never would’ve hung out.”

“Probably not,” Phil replied quietly. “I never would have known how to even ask.”

“Well, I’m kind of glad this happened now. You’re a cool guy, Phil Lester.”

“Aw, thanks. You are too Dan…”

“Howell.”

“Dan Howell.” Phil smiled as he repeated Dan’s name.

Dan decided that 9 PM would be a good time to depart because he didn’t want to overstay his welcome. 

As Dan took a few steps down the hall towards the elevators, Phil called out, “Hey, if you’re free tomorrow, I’m going to be editing the video and hopefully going on a trek to find a new tripod if you wanted to come.” 

Dan turned on his heels to face him. “You know what? I’d like that.” 

Dan deeply appreciated Phil’s invitation. He was highly interested in learning more about being a YouTuber, which surprised him because he couldn’t remember the last time he had genuine interest in anything like this.  

“Cool, I’ll text you when I get up tomorrow.”

Dan shot him some very uncool finger guns before turning around.

“Oh and Dan, I actually do like the coffee at Joe’s,” said Phil with a big smile.

Dan laughed then waved goodbye with a grin as he proceeded to the elevator. 

Once he got home, he changed into his sweats and sat propped up by a pillow on his bed with his laptop on his thighs. He pressed play on the first of many AmazingPhil videos. Dan smiled and laughed through a few of them before he fell asleep to the sound of Phil’s voice, thinking about how excited he was about making a new friend.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan awoke to the sound of his phone vibrating on his bedside table. The sun decided to make an appearance through the blinds again, which he was grateful for. He was surprised he actually slept through the whole night without waking up once like he had for the past 2 weeks. He was confused by the sound of a man’s voice speaking in his ear before he realized that his laptop was placed beside him, autoplaying a playlist of Phil’s videos. Dan hit pause on the screen before reaching for his phone.

**Phil:** Just woke up. I was thinking we can meet for lunch, buy the tripod, then head back to mine?

Dan rubbed the sleep from his eyes and let out a yawn before typing his response.

**Dan:** Yeah sounds good. What time and where?

**Phil:** There’s this nice little place I went to once, I’ll link you the address. And let’s say 11:30?

Dan saw that the time was 10:17 AM on the top of his phone screen. 

**Dan:** Yeah, that’s fine. See you then!

He slowly got out of bed and stretched before walking into the bathroom. The place Phil wanted to go to was only 10 minutes away, so he had time to hop into the shower. He shampooed his hair and lathered up in a mahogany scented body wash. He then headed to his closet and put on one of his many all black outfits - a black hoodie and ripped skinny jeans. After one final mirror check to tame his poofy curls, he headed out the door.

Dan walked into the Italian restaurant Phil chose and saw the raven haired man waving to him from a table on the right.

“I just got a waft of your scent as you walked over and you smell really good.”

Dan laughed at his compliment. “Thanks?”

“Sorry, was that weird? That was weird.”

“No Phil, it’s fine. Your compliments are refreshing in a way.”

The waiter came by to take their drink orders. Phil was ready to order and Dan decided he’d have whatever Phil was having. He hadn’t had time to open his menu and was starving so he didn’t want to delay their food. 

“So, how’d you sleep?” Phil asked. His blue eyes looked exceptionally bright today as Dan looked into them.

“Surprisingly well actually. I was having a lot of trouble sleeping for the past few weeks.”

“Aw, why is that?”

“Not sure really,” Dan lied.

Dan didn’t want to get into a conversation about his mother, especially not with a new friend on their second day of actually trying to get to know each other. He was glad when the waiter came back with their drinks - an ice water for Dan and a strawberry lemonade for Phil.

“Mmm this is so good. Do you want to try?”

Dan laughed at Phil’s reaction because it made it seem like the drink was orgasmic. Dan wrapped his lips around the straw and sipped the reddish drink.

“Oh my God, you’re right.” Dan shut his eyes savouring the taste as he pushed the glass back towards Phil.

“So other than working at Joe’s, what kind of stuff do you get up to?”

“Um, I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I dropped out of uni 3 years ago because I was doing a law course and it just wasn’t for me. I was a year away from graduating too, but I just knew I was never going to be a lawyer,” Dan shrugged.

“Yeah, I’m a firm believer of only doing things that make you happy in life. Taking risks is absolutely necessary too though if it’s something you want, even if it doesn’t turn out.”

“Yeah that’s true. I’m just still so stuck. I really thought something would come to me after 3 years, but I’m really shit at this “finding yourself” thing,” Dan said with a small laugh.

He began to play with his straw wrapper. It was a habit of his to fumble with items whenever he spoke about his life. It helped to focus on something else instead of the shame he felt over not being where he thought he should be in life.

“You seem really interested in YouTube. Maybe that could be something to try?”

Dan quickly shook his head “no” at Phil’s suggestion. “Oh God, I’d be a shit YouTuber.” 

“Risks Daniel!” 

“I watched some of your videos last night and they’re really good, Phil.”

“Really? You didn’t find them too awkward?”

“Not at all! Though I did fall asleep to them, so they also double as a lullaby,” Dan joked.

“Hey!” Phil faked being offended.

Two plates of fettuccine alfredo appeared before them by their waiter. They both scarfed the pasta down quickly.

“You’re right, the food is really good here,” Dan said as he sat back in his chair, feeling incredibly full.

“I wish they delivered. I never have anyone to go with to restaurants and dining alone just looks really sad.”

“Well now you have someone to go with,” Dan grinned at Phil.

Phil shot him a smile back.

The waiter returned with their check and Phil paid for both of them, refusing to let Dan split the cost every time he tried to ask.

“You’re accompanying me on my errands, it’s the least I could do.”

Dan finally gave up. “Fine, but next meal is on me.”

“Okay Danny Boy,” Phil said as Dan held the door open for him to exit the restaurant.

“Nope, that nickname is not going to be a thing.”

Phil just giggled and Dan knew that he would be called this name occasionally for the duration of their friendship.

They decided to walk the half an hour trip to the camera store to buy Phil’s tripod. On the way, Dan learned how observant Phil was about their surroundings. He noticed the squirrels climbing up the trees, the cracks in the curbs, the hum of the tube beneath their feet - basically everything Dan would have otherwise ignored. Dan couldn’t help but stare at Phil in fascination as he relayed random facts off the top of his head. 

When they reached the camera store, Phil explained to Dan how the tripod he was purchasing was better than the one he was currently using. Dan was learning a lot about tripod features he didn’t realize were so important, but he was impressed by Phil’s knowledge on the item. 

They hopped on the tube to head back to Phil’s apartment. Dan was enjoying the sun on his face once they were back above ground and started walking towards his flat.

Dan tilted his head upward to soak up the heat. He could tell from the corner of his eye, Phil was glancing over at him.

“We’ve been lucky with the weather,” he said.

“Yeah, I love it when it’s sunny. It just instantly makes me feel better,” Dan replied as he brought his head back down and shoved his hands in his pocket.

Phil unlocked the main door and they entered the lift to head up to his flat. The trip to the second floor taking a little longer than it should have because his building was older. Once they were inside his home, Phil directed Dan to his desk where his computer monitor was.

“I just have to use the bathroom. I’ll be quick.”

Dan headed to the sleek black wood desk with gold hardware that was home to Phil’s iMac. It was placed in between the kitchen and living room space. He pulled up a chair from the kitchen and put it next to Phil’s black leather office chair so he could sit down. He accidentally hit the desk with his leg which woke the computer up. Phil’s computer wasn’t currently locked and the application that was open was Spotify. Phil’s library consisted of greatest hits from ABBA, Queen, and older albums from Muse, but nothing really current.

He heard the bathroom door open and Phil crossed the room and sat in his office chair beside him.

“Mate, do you listen to anything from this day and age? Your music taste is really showing off your 30 year old-ness.”

“Hey! These songs are good!” He poked Dan in the arm lightly. “I get my music taste from people I’m around, which really is only my parents and my brother, so go figure.”

“Remind me to make you a playlist this week of some true bops. I can’t be friends with anyone who doesn’t know real music, soz.”

“Fine, teach me your cool ways Danny Boy.” Phil clicked off of Spotify and opened Final Cut Pro.

Dan rolled his eyes and cringed at the nickname again.

Phil’s hand brushed Dan’s knee as he went to open a drawer near his legs.

“Sorry, just need to grab the external hard drive.”

“No worries,” Dan said with a quick smile. The sudden tickle of the faint touch made him hold his breath for a second. He convinced himself that he was just sensitive to any touch at this point because he’s been single for so long. 

Phil connected the USB to his computer and began transferring the files from what they filmed yesterday. As he was selecting and cutting clips together, he was giving Dan editing tips and teaching him how he did everything. They were both laughing whenever they heard Dan’s comments in the footage. 

“I think I’m actually going to steal those pants and those shoes, Phil,” Dan on the screen had said.

Dan wiped tears from his eyes due to laughing so hard.

2 hours and a billion editing tips later, Phil finished the video and began to upload it onto his channel.

“You either need to be in my videos more or make your own channel. I don’t think I’ve laughed that much in a long time,” Phil said as he leaned back in his chair and spun it to face Dan.

“Your audience is going to hate me, I’m so obnoxious.”

“No way! I bet they’ll love you.” Phil presented the most genuine smile that made Dan want to believe there was truth in what he was saying.

Dan left Phil’s apartment soon after they finished the video. He wanted a bit of down time to himself since he had a long week of work ahead of him.  

He groaned as he heard the sound of his alarm the following morning. His eyes still sealed shut from sleep, until they shot open widely. Dan realized he slept soundly through another night and smiled to himself before getting up.

When he arrived to work, his good mood didn’t go unnoticed by Addy.

“You look happy and well rested, what did you do this weekend? Or rather who?” She eyed him suspiciously.

“No, no. Did not do that,” he said quickly, then quietly added, “I just hung out with Phil.”

“Sorry, did I hear 'Phil'?” She grabbed Dan by the shoulder so he would face her. “Spill, Howell!”

“Nothing happened. We just hung out. He’s a really cool guy.” Dan could feel his face heat up from being interrogated about something that wasn’t a big deal.

Dan just felt glad to make another friend. It’s been so long since he had someone who shared so many common interests. It was nice hanging out with Addy, but she was more of the kind of friend who took Dan out to clubs and bars rather than someone who enjoyed staying in and playing video games.

“Mmkay,” was all she said before Dan stepped away from her to take a customer’s order.

Elliott came in at his usual time and Dan found himself a bit more composed when serving him. He still blushed when their hands grazed as Elliott handed him his payment. 

On his way out, Elliott made eye contact with him. “Hey, it’s Dan right? I don’t know if this is alright for me to ask, but would you guys be able to have my drink ready at 11:30 on the dot so I can just pay and grab it right away. Work’s getting really busy and until I can secure an assistant, I need to be in and out ASAP.”

“Y-yeah of course,” Dan replied.

“Perfect,” Elliott said as he shot Dan a wink before walking out the door.

Dan could feel his knees wobble a bit. This was the most interaction he’s had with Elliott since he started coming to Joe’s.

“Mate, did he just wink at you?” Oliver asked from behind Dan’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna need someone to pinch me because that didn’t just happen.” He felt lightheaded from replaying the wink a million times over in his mind.

“Aw, babe, your crush on him is adorable as fuck,” Addy said as she stood beside Dan and rested her head on his arm since she wasn’t tall enough to reach his shoulder.

Once he finally took a breather and got over the initial shock, he noticed Phil crossing the street from the outside window to head into Joe’s.

“Hey, how are you?” Dan asked the second Phil reached the counter.

“Really good! I have to show you something.” 

Phil reached for his phone in his jean pocket and began scrolling. He held up the screen for Dan to see.

“Everyone keeps asking who this hilarious camera man is. I think I read a comment where someone compared you to God.”

Dan took the phone from Phil’s hand and read the sea of comments.

“Who is this posh ass Winnie the Pooh sounding loser? He sounds even worse than the emo who my poor eyes are looking at,” Dan read out loud while cackling.

Phil grabbed the phone back from Dan’s hands. “Why are you reading the bad ones??”

“It’s funny, Phil!”

“Hi, Phil. I’ve heard so much about you. That’s actually a lie, Dan hasn’t said much.” Addy appeared next to Dan, sending Phil a friendly grin.

Dan gave her a stern look. A warning for her to behave herself.

“Hi, it’s okay, I’ve actually not heard anything about you,” Phil returned an apologetic smile.

“Howell, you didn’t tell Phil about my greatness?” She smacked his chest playfully.

“Sorry Addy, you never came up.” He laughed at her annoyance.

“Well I’m Adelaide. Can I start a drink for you?”

“Oh, yes please! I’ll have a medium chai tea latte today. Thank you!”

Addy looked up at Dan and mouthed the words “so polite” to him.

While Addy made Phil’s drink, Oli went around the counter to personally come up to Phil. 

“Hey man, I’m really sorry about that whole mix up last week and putting Dan’s number on your cup. My bad!”

“Oliver right? Don’t even worry about it. I wouldn’t have gotten to know this annoying kid if it wasn’t for you!” Phil stuck his tongue out at Dan. 

Dan stuck his tongue right back at Phil.

“How much do I owe you by the way, Danny?” Phil asked Dan.

“On me. You paid for lunch yesterday.”

“Nah, it’s on me. I insist,” Oli interjected. 

“Oh thanks Oliver!” Phil gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder before Oli went back behind the counter.

Dan could feel Addy’s eyes on his back, ready to pounce and ask questions the second Phil left the store.

Phil grabbed his drink and told Dan he’d text him tonight before leaving.

“Lunch? Danny? Explain.” Addy leaned her elbows on the counter and placed her chin in her hands, eagerly waiting like a child about to be read a story.

“Not a date. We went out for lunch as friends. I helped him film a YouTube video as a favour for the mix up Oli caused.” He shot a pretend glare at Oliver who just said “sorry” while holding his hands up in defense. 

“Aw, Danny, I really like him. He’s a nice boy.”

“I could see if he’s single for you if you’d like.” Dan winked at her.

“Let me correct myself. I really like him for you.” She nudged him with her elbow as she went over to the sink to clean some blenders.

“We’re just friends,” he called out to her back.

“Mmkay,” she said again.

Dan just shook his head. He realized that he was actually having a really good day between having a good night’s sleep, his encounter with Elliott, and Phil showing him comments that people liked his commentary.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan stripped out of his coffee scented clothes the second he got home. He was still in a good mood from how his day went that he had energy to cook himself a decent meal. As he was chopping up some onions, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

**Phil:** Tell Oliver thanks for the drink again!

**Dan:** I’ll let him know

**Phil:** I’m disappointed though, your number wasn’t on my cup this time

Dan brought his hand up to face palm at Phil’s lame joke, while laughing.

“Fuck, fuck, I fucked up,” he started screaming when he realized that he was just handling onions and the juices were now burning his eyes.

He quickly washed his hands as he began to cry so hard that his vision became blurry.

When his eyes finally stopped burning, he picked up his phone again.

**Phil:** Too soon?

**Dan:** omg I just nearly blinded myself from your comment, you spork!

**Phil:** What? How??

**Dan:** I was cutting up onions when you sent that, then I face palmed

**Phil:** I’m sorry, but I’m laughing right now. But also, are you okay? (I’m still laughing though)

Dan rolled his eyes while trying to stifle his laugh at the initially horrific, now hilarious moment.

**Dan:** Yes, I’m fine. But fuck did it burn.

**Phil:** lol sorry. I’ll leave you to finish making your dinner

Phil had added the cry laughing emoji at the end of that text. He could picture Phil giggling in his mind at his misfortune. 

Of course he couldn’t have one good day without something going wrong. That’s not how Dan Howell’s life worked.

Dan continued preparing the ingredients for his meal. Once he completed his cooking, he sat in front of the television and pulled up Phil’s latest YouTube video. He found himself laughing at his own commentary in the video again, even though he was there with Phil during the editing process. It made him feel good about himself for once that people out there thought he was entertaining as he read through the comments again.

It was now 10:30 PM and Dan wanted to do one more thing before he fell asleep. He opened up Spotify and created a new playlist which he titled “philly’s new bops”. He would add onto the playlist when he had time during the week.

 

When he got to work the following morning, he noticed that the door to Joe’s office was closed. The only times his door was closed was if he was having a private conversation with someone or when he wasn’t there. Joe never usually missed coming into the shop. The only times he didn’t come in were when Jake and Dan graduated from school or when Helen caught a bad stomach bug that left her bedridden for a few days. He never skipped out even when he was ill himself in all the 20 years Joe’s Joe had been open. 

“Hey Oli, where’s Joe?” Dan asked as he put his apron on.

“He called me last night and said he had to take care of something important today and would need me to be in charge.”

“Did he say what it was?”

Oliver just shrugged. “I didn’t want to pry.”

_ Weird _ , Dan thought,  _ why didn’t he ask me or let me know? _

He’d ask Joe what was going on after his shift or tomorrow at work.

The day seemed to go by fairly slow. It was raining heavily all day, so it probably prevented people from going outside just to grab an overpriced coffee.

“How much longer til this shift is over?” Addy whined.

“It’s only 11:20.”

Addy pressed her forehead against Dan’s chest as if she was smacking her head against the wall.

“Don’t forget that Elliott wants his drink ready to go,” Dan reminded her.

“Ah yes, I’ll get right on that. Should I pull an Oliver and write your number on the cup?” She teased.

“Adelaide Janelle Torres, don’t you dare!” He shoved his pointer finger at her in warning.

“Relax, dad. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Dan knew she loved seeing him riled up.

As Addy placed the drink with “Elliott” written on it on the counter, a guy with long brown hair, silver glasses, and a grey suit came into the shop. He was struggling to close his umbrella until he decided to give up and leave it next to the door.

“I’m picking up an order for Elliott,” he said as he reached into his pocket to pull out a credit card.

“Oh, yeah, on the counter to your right.” Dan was disappointed that Elliott found an assistant so quickly to grab his coffee.

“Are you his new assistant?” Dan asked curiously.

“What? Oh no. I’m just the new intern. Nobody wanted to go outside in this weather, so I took initiative to grab everyone’s order.” His face gave off the impression that he regretted his offer.

“Ah. Well good luck braving the rain again,” Dan said as the man paid. He was hopeful that he’d see Elliott again during the week.

He shot Dan a tight lipped smile before picking up his umbrella and heading back into the storm outside.

Phil came into the store next with his hair and clothing soaked.

“Phil, you did not get yourself all wet just to come in here and grab a coffee!” Dan shouted in disbelief. Phil’s clothes were clinging to him and accentuating his figure in a way that Dan couldn’t help but scan his eyes up and down his body.

“I was just down the road at my brother’s! I guess I kind of underestimated how rainy it was outside.”

“Why don’t you have an umbrella?”

"Shh," Phil hushed him. “Let’s just not ask questions I don’t have answers to.” 

“Come here,” Dan walked towards the staff room and waved Phil to join him. “I have some dry clothes in my locker and we have a ton of abandoned umbrellas lying around.”

“It’s fine Dan!”

“Don’t be dumb, come.”

Dan tossed Phil a black jumper and black skinny jeans. He kept them on hand in case he spilled anything on himself during his shift. Now that he was mostly on cash, he didn’t really have much use for them to stay in his locker. 

Phil got changed in the staff bathroom and Dan had to keep his jaw from dropping when he came out. Dan believed that everyone would look great in an all black outfit, but Phil looked exceptionally phenomenal.

“Black suits you,” Dan said in a low voice.

“Really? I figured it would just make me look more ghostly than I already do. But thanks for the clothes!”

Dan composed himself and lead them back to the store front.

“What drink do you want today?” Dan asked when Phil was back in front of the counter.

“Um, a medium white chocolate mocha today.”

Dan wrote the order on the cup and handed it to Addy who was distractedly gossiping with Oli in the corner while looking at him with a smirk.

“Not. What. You. Think.,” he said quietly to her as he passed the cup.

“Mmkay.” That stupid phrase again whenever she doesn’t believe what he says.

Dan didn’t let Phil pay for his drink. The older boy couldn’t get his protests in because Dan just kept saying “nope” whenever he started to speak.

Phil thanked him before heading out with his drink and the umbrella Dan gave him.

The end of the shift finally came and Addy left right away because her cat had its annual vet check up today.  Dan decided to stick around and help Oliver with any tasks he needed to complete that Joe asked him to do.

“What time does Genevieve finish school?” He wanted to make sure Oli would be able to get home on time.

“4, but my mum’s in town this week thankfully, so she’s picking her up.”

They were unpacking boxes and doing inventory as the evening staff came in and they all exchanged greetings.

“She’s 5 now, yeah?” 

Oli nodded as he pulled his phone out and showed Dan a photo. Genevieve had red hair unlike Oliver’s dark blonde. She was absolutely adorable with her straight bangs and pigtails, reminding him of red-haired Boo from Monsters Inc. Dan always had such a soft spot for kids and couldn’t help but smile as he looked at her photograph.

“Is it okay if I ask what happened with her mum?”

“Oh, yeah that’s alright,” Oli paused for a second before starting up the story. “We were both 16 when Genevieve was born. We had no idea how to raise a child. We were just two horny kids who weren’t smart enough use protection. But yeah, when Gen was born, Hannah really tried to be there, but I knew she couldn’t. The second Gen was in my arms, I knew I was going to do anything for that little girl, but Han didn’t feel the same way. She left her with me then ran away. I didn’t have it in me to be angry at her decision. So I raised Gen with the help of my mum until I finished school and was able to secure a job that helped us move out.”

“I’m sorry about Hannah.” Dan placed a hand on the now 21-year-old’s shoulder. “You’re doing a great job raising Genevieve on your own.”

“Thanks man!”

“I’m glad Joe hired you. You’re a decent guy, Oli.”

Oli let out a little laugh. “I used to be such an asshole. Especially to people like you.”

“People like me?” Dan asked confused.

“Uh, gay people. Shit, that’s probably not something I should admit to, but I just want to fess up to how much of a dick I used to be. I don’t know where I’d be right now with this mouth of mine if I didn’t have to watch myself around Gen.”

“Hey, you’re acknowledging it. And you’ve proved yourself that you don’t think that way anymore.. Right?”

“Definitely! I’m trying to educate myself on things I used to be daft about.”

They continued to work in comfortable silence, until Oli spoke up again.

“Dan, um, how did you know you were gay?”

“Needing some help with self discovery?” Dan shot him a look with his eyebrow raised.

Oliver turned red. “Oh, no! I was just curious.”

“I’m joking Oli.” Dan laughed. “Um, I figured it out when I was 12 and all the boys in my class were talking about how hot McKayla Thompson was, but I was too busy eavesdropping on the girls conversations about how hot Todd Olsen was. I found myself agreeing with the girls more than the lads.”

“Huh? That’s interesting.”

Dan chuckled as he could see Oli’s face trying to process the information.

He said “bye” to Oli as he left 40 minutes later once their jobs were completed. Dan found Phil’s wet clothes drying on the rack in the staff bathroom and placed them in a plastic bag. He’d wash them at his place and return them when he saw Phil next.

Dan decided to call Joe before he left the store to ask him if anything needed to be done before he left and to check on him. 

“Hey, missed you today,” Dan said when Joe picked up.

“Aw Daniel, I missed you too.” Dan could tell Joe was making fun of his concern through the phone.

“Everything okay?”

“If something really bad was going on, I would tell you Daniel. Is my store still in one piece?” Dan trusted Joe enough to believe that he really would tell him if something was happening.

“Yeah, is there anything I need to for sure do before I leave the evening staff to it?”

Joe listed all the tasks he assigned to Oliver. Dan assured him all of it had been completed.

“Perfect. Thank you Daniel.”

“Glad to help. Was wondering why you didn’t call me about it earlier.”

“Just didn’t want to worry you, son. Now go home.”

 

The rain had stopped pouring by the time he was heading home, which he was extremely grateful for. He picked up a burger on his way so he could eat it for dinner.

After he changed and ate his supper, Dan decided to check his weekly Spotify playlist. He then remembered he was meant to make a playlist for Phil. And remembering that reminded him to chuck Phil’s clothes into the washing machine.

He tossed his own dirty clothes into the machine then picked up the bag of Phil’s still soaked pug-printed button up and black jeans. For some odd reason, Dan inhaled the scent of them before throwing them in. They smelled like Phil - a mix of soft musk and vanilla - and rain. He then felt creepy and very influenced by Antoni on Queer Eye who for some unknown reason liked to sniff things on the show.

Dan sat down on the sofa with his laptop and began to add songs to the playlist. It wasn’t until he finished adding 35 songs that he realized his taste in music was very rap heavy at the moment. There were multiple songs by Brockhampton, Kanye West, Vince Staples, and Frank Ocean. He also included many current pop songs from artists like Charli XCX, Paramore, and FKA Twigs. He copied the link to “philly’s new bops” and texted it to Phil.

**Dan:** Listen you loser.

**Phil:** Philly??

**Dan:** If you get to call me Danny, I get to call you Philly

**Phil:** Fair

**Phil:** When should I give your clothes back? I think I left mine at Joe’s

**Dan:** Yeah, I’m washing them now

**Dan:** Friday works best. I don’t really want to carry your clothes to work ‘cause I’m a lazy human

**Phil:** You didn’t have to, but thanks! See you Friday

 

Friday came and Dan was exhausted. Elliott didn’t come in the rest of the week. He seemed to always find a new minion to fetch his coffee for him. Dan was missing seeing his handsome face. It was always the highlight during his crappy shifts. 

Dan also managed to convince Phil to stop coming into the store when he wasn’t at his brother’s house. As much as he liked Phil’s visits, he didn’t want him going out of his way anymore. He only agreed to the terms if they would get to hang out after Dan finished work some nights. He was heading to Phil’s flat after he went home to change and grab Phil’s clothes.

When Dan told Addy he wouldn’t be able to hang out tonight because he was hanging with Phil, she responded only with suggestive gifs and emojis.

**Dan:** I’m never speaking to you again unless you stop

**Addy:** Fine fine. Have fun. Be safe. ;)

**Dan:** ugh

 

Dan showed up at Phil’s flat and they spent the night playing Crash Bandicoot. They kept getting frustrated when they couldn’t beat certain levels and eventually decided to watch Netflix.

“Dan, are you crying?” Phil asked as he put down the burrito he was eating.

“This show is just so good.” He wiped some tears from his face.

He wanted Phil to watch Queer Eye because he was currently obsessed with it.

“And Antoni is just so beautiful,” Dan added.

“He looks like John Mayer mixed with Christian Bale. Like his face should be illegal.”

“Oh my god, he does.”

They binge watched the rest of the season. Well Phil made it to the end, while Dan woke up at about 2 AM with a blanket on top of him.

“Dammit, I fell asleep.”

“Did you know you snored?”

“I do not!” Dan looked appalled.

Phil giggled at how offended Dan was.

Dan got up from the couch and stretched before heading towards the door. It was definitely time for him to head home and have a proper sleep in his bed.

“I listened to the playlist, by the way,” Phil said as Dan was putting his shoes on. “You really love Kanye.”

“Kanye is God,” Dan said pointblank. 

“You’re obsessed.” Phil laughed. “But no I really liked it, thank you.”

Dan gave Phil a light punch to his shoulder. “No problem, mate.”

Phil handed him a plastic bag with the clothes Dan lent him before shutting the door. Dan headed down the hallway while thinking about how damn weird and uncool he was around Phil sometimes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Phil:** You free?

Dan was in his pajamas, eating a bowl of Shreddies while watching some anime when Phil texted him. Rarely does he ever have plans on a Saturday, but he enjoyed it that way.

**Dan:** Depends…

**Phil:** I need to go shopping 

**Dan:** omg this sounds like so totally fun. I like love shopping phil you have no idea

**Dan:** we’re really gonna deal with crowds when online shopping is a thing?

Dan honestly couldn’t remember the last time he was asked to go shopping. It must’ve been when Helen used to drag him out to run errands with her back when he lived at the Maranos. He typically ordered all of his clothes online, so the concept of walking into a physical store was now foreign.

**Phil:** lmao yes. You get to pretend you’re Tan from Queer Eye for the day

**Dan:** okay sold. What time?

**Phil:** 12:30? Meet outside Topman

Dan downed his cereal and gently tossed the ceramic bowl into the sink. He still had an hour before he had to meet Phil, but he wanted to take his time getting ready. Obviously Phil asked him to go shopping because of his stylish appearance, so he had to look good. Well, that and he had no other friends to ask.

He stood outside of the store 5 minutes before they agreed to meet. Instead of looking down at his phone and reading Tweets or browsing on whatever app he happened to be interested in clicking on in that moment, he decided to take in his surroundings. It was something new he was trying out because of all the things Phil picked up on when they were walking last weekend. Dan listened to the footsteps of the crowd on the sidewalk, the chatter of some teenage girls who couldn’t believe Harry Styles existed, and the sound of car engines revving when stop lights switched from red to green.  

“Hey,” Phil called out to him when he spotted him. 

The smile on his face wide. The same smile that always greeted Dan whenever they met up. A smile Dan could always return effortlessly.

Before Phil could reach where Dan stood, he was stopped by a teenage girl. Dan assumed she was a fan of his and watched as Phil took a photo with her.

Phil uttered a “sorry” once he made it next to Dan.

“Happen a lot?” 

“Sometimes.”

“So what are we shopping for?” Dan asked as they entered the store together.

“There’s this YouTube event next weekend and I just need something snazzy to wear.”

“You really couldn’t do it online? ASOS does like same day delivery,” Dan whined.

“Oh come on, Danny. I need second opinions like you so graciously provided last weekend.”

“Only if you stop calling me Danny.”

Phil said “fine” but Dan knew he didn’t mean it.

They browsed rack after rack until Phil’s arms were full of items to try on. Eventually Dan’s arms also became filled with various shirts and pants as Phil seemed to be grabbing every item in the store.

“I need to try on all of my options,” Phil said every time he placed a new item in Dan’s arms and Dan shot him a look that said “really?”

As Dan trailed behind Phil, he noticed a navy blue button up top with a white dotted design on it. He thought it would look perfect on Phil so he reached up and sought out Phil’s size.

Phil had a total of 12 shirts and 6 pants to try on by the time he decided he was ready to head into the fitting room. He modeled various plaid tops in different colour combinations. Dan thought they all looked great on him despite only looking mediocre on the hanger. 

“I don’t remember grabbing this one,” Phil said as he stepped out in the top Dan added.

Dan’s mouth hung open for a second before he realized Phil wanted his opinion. The top was close enough to black that it reminded him of when Phil borrowed his sweater and how great the colour looked against his skin. 

“Yeah, I tossed it into the pile. I thought it would’ve looked good on you, and it does!”

He’d be proud that his judgment was correct about the shirt looking good on Phil, but apparently he was just able to pull off almost any item of clothing.

Phil blushed a bit before he turned away from Dan to look at himself in the mirror again.

“I think this shirt is the winner then!”

After Phil paid for his new outfit, they wanted to head to the new doughnut shop that opened up near Dan’s flat.

Phil was navigating the way with the GPS on his iPhone. His focus was on the map, so he wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking.

Dan suddenly called out “Phil!” then grabbed his wrist with such force to prevent him from walking into a lamp post. Phil’s body was pulled towards Dan’s until their chests bumped and their faces were a mere few inches apart. Dan could feel Phil’s breath on his face and they both looked into each other’s eyes, so aware of their closeness before Phil gulped and pulled away. 

“That was more violent than I intended,” Dan chuckled to make light of the moment. He was so painfully aware of his breathing at the moment. It was as if he held it in while waiting in anticipation. What was he anticipating?  _ Nothing _ , he told his mind,  _ Phil is just a friend _ .

“Thanks for that,” Phil said, “That would’ve been a disaster.”

They reached the doughnut shop and ordered half a dozen assorted flavours. They decided they were going to eat them at a park nearby because it was a nice overcast day. 

As if in the blink of an eye, rain began to pour from the sky the second they stepped out of the shop.

“We can head to my flat instead?” Dan suggested as they took cover under the shop’s store-front roof.

Phil nodded and they speedwalked towards Dan’s apartment. Dan had never been so thankful for his long legs. Despite only walking a few blocks, the downpour of rain was enough to soak their hair and clothes. 

“I should really start walking around with an umbrella,” Phil said as they entered Dan’s flat, “I seem to get caught in the rain a lot.”

Dan laughed. “I’ll grab us some towels and dry clothes. Feel free to sit where you want. Well maybe the bar stool ‘cause I bet your bum’s wet.”

Dan’s apartment was slightly smaller than Phil’s, but contained walled rooms. His kitchen was to the left of the front door and a small counter divided it from the lounge. There was a small hallway to the right for his one bedroom, a bathroom, and a washing machine/dryer. All of his walls were painted a slate grey, which was very fitting for his dark aesthetic. 

He emerged from his bedroom wearing a different black outfit and tossed Phil a towel, black long sleeve, and sweatpants. 

“Thanks!” Phil said as Dan pointed him to the door which lead to the bathroom.

Dan did a quick walk through his apartment to make sure it wasn’t chaotic. Living alone and rarely having company meant that he could be as messy as he wanted to be. The only people that came over were Joe, Helen, and Addy occasionally. He fluffed his throw pillows on his sofa and carried half drunken mugs of coffee into the kitchen sink. He tossed out chocolate wrappers and empty cans of Diet Coke. 

“I really like your apartment,” Phil said causing Dan to jump because he hadn’t heard his footsteps.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” A look of worry appeared on Phil’s face as Dan placed his hand over his heart as if he was having a heart attack. 

Phil had pushed his wet fringe out of the way and up into a quiff.

“Yeah, just didn’t hear you, Jesus.” Dan tried to get his heart to slow down, but seeing Phil with his hair like that and in his clothes again accelerated his heart beat for a different reason.

“You really like the colour black, don’t you?” Phil looked down at his outfit.

“It’s a lifestyle, Phil, you wouldn’t understand,” Dan responded, pretending to be pompous.

Phil just rolled his eyes as he went to go sit down on the sofa. 

“Want a drink?” Dan headed into the kitchen and opened up the fridge.

“Whatever’s fine.”

He grabbed two cans of Diet Coke, dessert plates, and a knife so they could split up all the doughnuts.

“These all look so good. My mouth is watering.” Phil’s eyes scanned over the sweet treats after he opened the box.

Dan began cutting them all into halves. 

They both tried the matcha flavour first. The taste of the doughnut was so heavenly that Dan had to shut his eyes as a small moan escaped his lips.

“Holy shit, that was so good.”

“I know! I’m excited to try the rest of them.”

Dan sliced through the rest of the desserts and the two of them sank their teeth into each of the remaining five flavours - lavender vanilla, strawberry shortcake, cookies and cream, cardamom and sugar, and vanilla bean. Each one they would declare was better than the last.

Dan cleared the plates as Phil was licking the glaze that melted onto his fingers.

“You’re obsessed with sugar, mate,” Dan said as he handed Phil a napkin.

“I know, it’s a problem.”

“You got some glaze on your face.”

“Here?” Phil asked as he proceeded to place his fingers everywhere but on the actual spot.

“No, here I got it.” Dan took his finger and wiped the sugar. He kept his gaze on Phil’s cheek, but he could feel Phil’s eyes on his face. 

Phil thanked him then excused himself to wash his hands. 

Dan noticed Phil checking out his apartment again once he exited the bathroom.

“How long have you lived here?” He asked once he sat back down on the sofa.

“Um,” Dan looked up to the ceiling as he counted the years in his head, “Almost 5 years now? Wow didn’t realize it’s been that long.”

Dan moved out of the Maranos house a year after Jake left to go backpacking in Europe. Joe thought it was a good idea for him to have his own space that was closer to his university, so he put in the down payment for his current apartment. Dan insisted that he should move back in with them once he dropped out, but Joe allowed him to keep it as long as he worked at the cafe until he figured out what he wanted to do. 

“Do you live near your family?” 

“My, I guess, adopted family don’t live too far from here. Joe from the shop is basically like my dad. And his wife, Helen, is practically my mom. I met their son Jake when I was 8, and they took me in when things got rough at home.” 

“Oh. That’s nice that they’re close by! My parents live up north, so I only get to see them every few months.” 

Dan was expecting the typical sympathetic response of “I’m sorry” accompanied by the nosiness of “what happened?”, but it was as if Phil knew that Dan didn’t like to talk about his childhood so he redirected the conversation. 

“Are you guys close?”

“Oh yes! When me and my brother still lived at home, we’d have weekly game and movie nights. I should probably go see them soon.” 

Dan smiled at the thought of that. He loved how fondly Phil spoke about his family. He felt a pang of jealousy over the fact that he never had and never will have that kind of relationship with his biological parents, but he reminded himself that the Maranos provided him with that kind of love.

An alarm reminder on Phil’s phone suddenly went off.

As he read the notification, he said, “Oh my gosh! Dan, I’m sorry, but I have to head off. Forgot I had a business dinner with my brother and manager.”

Phil got up off the couch and Dan stood up too. 

“Not a problem. Thanks for getting me out of the house today, I guess? Not sure if I should be thanking you for that ‘cause you made me walk through crowds.”

“You loved it!”

Dan just grinned at him as he opened the door.

“If you aren’t busy tomorrow, I was thinking.. Now you can say ‘no’, but I was thinking we could film a collab if you’re up for it.”

“I don’t know, Phil. I don’t even know what we would do. I’m definitely not entertaining enough for this.”

“My audience seems to disagree with you. Just think about it and text me tomorrow or something. And uh I’ll return your clothes next time I see you. I seem to be doing that a lot? That sounds weird. Yeah, I’m gonna go.”

Dan laughed as Phil stopped his rambling and spun on his heels to leave. 

“Bye Phil.” He shook his head smiling at Phil’s quirkiness as he shut the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Dan lied awake in bed with Phil’s invitation to film a video replaying in his mind. He was a nobody who wasn’t the slightest bit interesting like Phil was. As much as he loved the idea of YouTube, there was no way in hell that he could ever come up with creative concepts consistently enough to gain subscribers and tons of views. 

But what if they do end up liking him? He recalled what Phil said the first weekend they hung out, how risks are necessary if it’s something you want. Dan couldn’t deny that his interest in filming videos and editing the clips together always increased every time he spoke to Phil. If he didn’t at least give it a shot, he’d always be wondering. Plus, filming with Phil would be easier because they play off each other so well. It also didn’t hurt that Phil had lots of subscribers who would hopefully like him enough to subscribe to his own channel - not that he was trying to use Phil in any way.

Dan reached out to his bedside table and grabbed his phone. The screen lit up the darkened room as he pulled up his and Phil’s conversation.

**Dan:** Fine okay, I’ll do it

**Phil:** Yay! Come over whenever you’d like. Just text me first

He inhaled a deep, nervous breath then exhaled it. He was terrified of how many people would see him online and judge how he looked, how he spoke, and whatever else he could be cyberbullied for. It took him a while to fall asleep that night as his mind couldn’t shake off his worried thoughts. 

  
  


**Dan:** Okay I’m about to head onto the tube. Food/drink requests?

**Phil:** Anything sugary please :)

**Dan:** How are you still alive with all the sugar you consume?

Phil just replied with the shrugging emoji.

Dan bought some chocolate croissants and lattes from a cafe near Phil’s apartment. He remembered reading good reviews about it when he was looking up Phil’s address on Google Maps a few weeks back. 

“Ooo,” Phil said as he swung open the door. His eyes wide with intrigue as he saw what Dan had brought. 

“Try not to give yourself a sugar high. I swear you like bounce off the walls.”

After Dan shut the door and bent down to take his shoes off, he saw pastry flakes and powdered sugar all over Phil’s mouth.

“Wow.” Dan was impressed at how quickly this man could demolish a sweet treat.

“Stop judging me! I didn’t have breakfast today.”

“You just make it so easy to.”

After they ate their pastries and drank their coffees, they moved to Phil’s filming corner.

“So what do you have planned for us to film?”

“I have a few ideas. First, what’s your YouTube username?”

“Um..,” Dan was hesitant to respond. “Okay don’t laugh. I made this account when I was like twelve. It’s danisnotonfire.”

Phil just stared at him.

“I wish I was joking,” Dan responded as if he could read Phil’s mind.

“Actually, I can work with that. I was thinking we could do a Q&A. My audience sends me weird questions all of the time. We can call it Phil Is Not On Fire. What do you think?”

“I like it. How weird is weird though?” A slight look of concern appeared on Dan’s face.

“You’re in for a wild ride, Danny.” Phil threw a smirk his way.

They sat on the bed as Phil scrolled through his Twitter and read out questions for Dan to jot down. Dan tried to suppress his laughter at every single question Phil relayed to him.

“Dan, what does any of this say? Your writing is worse than my doctor’s!”

“I told you my writing was chicken shit.”

“I didn’t think it’d be this bad. You’re gonna have to read all of the questions while we’re filming.”

Dan helped Phil set up the lights and place random props along the dresser against the wall. Today’s personalized items included a Totoro plushie, ceramic guinea pig, Tetris lamp, and a fake succulent. 

“I’m not a very good plant owner. I killed all the real ones I’ve bought since I moved in.”

“Phil, succulents are so hard to kill,” Dan said with a slight look of worry.

“I know,” Phil replied sadly as he hid his face in shame.

Once the duvet was smoothed out, Dan carefully sat on the ledge, not wanting to undo the neatness. Phil hit the record button before joining him.

“Okay go on, read the first one,” Phil said.

Dan began reading out all of the ridiculous questions, while both he and Phil answered them. There was a lot of snickering after every response. Both of them were unsure if there would be a lot of usable footage by the end of it. Somehow a Sharpie from Phil’s dresser became used to draw cat whiskers on their faces. 

“This was the most fun I’ve ever had,” Dan said, acting detached.

Suddenly he was being tackled until half of his body was weighed down by Phil’s. He was taken aback by the action as Phil just laughed at him. Their eyes met as they just smiled at each other before Phil sat his body back up. 

Dan wasn’t prepared for the attack, but he found that he liked the feeling of Phil’s body on top of his. Or maybe he would’ve been okay with any body on top of his, to be honest, not necessarily Phil’s. Without wanting to make it weird, he convinced his mind that it was definitely the latter.

They proceeded to film an ending for their Q&A. Once Phil stopped the camera, they both laid on their backs. The duvet underneath them was a crumpled mess, despite their attempt to tidy it prior to filming.

“I really did have a lot of fun, Phil, thanks for asking me to do this.”

Phil handed Dan a moist towelette so he could remove the whiskers from his face. He must look absolutely ridiculous, but he couldn’t care less because he truly did have a good time.

“Not a prob! I really think you need to make your own videos, Dan,” he said as he rolled on his side to face him.

“Maybe.” 

An experience like this encouraged Dan to want to start filming videos on his own. He wasn’t sure if it was filming with Phil that made it enjoyable or his own desires. Whatever it was that was inspiring him to want to give this a shot, he was going to take it.

  
  


Dan yawned as he stood behind the cash register. He stayed over at Phil’s later than he intended to because they decided to start editing the footage the same day. 

“What’d you do this weekend?” Addy asked as she bumped his arm gently.

“Hung out with Phil. Lost track of time last night and left his place super late.”

“You’re spending a lot of time with him. You sure you’re just friends?”

“I’ve spent a lot of time with you too when we met and we’re just friends.” He gave her a look that probably appeared more mean than intended.

“Snarky.”

“Sorry,” Dan uttered as he gave her an apologetic look.

It’s been a few weeks since the last time he stayed up so late the night before a shift. He was so used to getting proper sleep recently that this one instance just felt unbearable. But he would take losing sleep because of Phil rather than because of his nightmares.

“Babe, you need a nap.”

“I do. But I promised Phil I’d help him with merch stuff at his brother’s place after. Apparently I’m the most stylish person he knows.”

“Can’t you reschedule?”

“No I..” Dan stopped himself. He realized he was about to say ‘I want to see him’ which would get him a look from Addy that he did not need right now. “I already told him I’d do it, so I don’t want to disappoint.”   
  


 

Dan downed a few mugs of black coffee during his shift to keep him awake. Seeing a face he hadn’t seen in a while step through the door woke him up more than the caffeine.

“Addy, do I look like shit?” He whispered to her before Elliott got within hearing distance.

“The bags under your eyes make you look more attractive somehow and I’m so fucking jealous.”

He felt a bit panicked that there was no time for him to fix up his appearance. Within seconds, Elliott appeared before him.

“Hey Elliott, how’s it going? It’s been a long time.” All the words came rushing out of Dan’s mouth at once. A week without seeing him really did not help in making him a smooth talker.

“Yeah, all the interns seemed to be busy today. But it’s a nice day out, so thought it’d be good to get some fresh air.”

Dan glanced over to the pick-up counter and noticed that there was no coffee cup on it.

“Crap,” he muttered to himself. He was meant to remind Oliver to make Elliott’s drink, but it slipped his mind.

“Sorry, we forgot to have your drink ready for you today. It’ll be on us!”

“You know what, that’s alright! I think it’s about time I branch out and try something else,” Elliott said as he glanced up at the menu behind Dan. “What do you recommend?”

As Dan was listing all of his favourite drinks, Phil walked through the door. He raised his hand slightly to say “hi.” Elliott kept asking a lot of questions about the different flavours, leaving Phil to stand behind him in line for over 5 minutes. 

It was hard to not notice the smile and blush on Dan’s face from speaking to his crush. Dan wished he could be more nonchalant and dull his reactions whenever he spoke to him. But he was pretty sure it was blatant to everyone, including Elliott, how much he fancied him.

Eventually Elliott decided. “You know what.. I think I’ll just stick to the macchiato again.”

To anyone else, it would have been annoying to waste your time like that, but Dan didn’t mind. He didn’t mind getting to talk to Elliott longer than he ever had, especially after not seeing his face for a while. 

Addy made Elliott’s drink and placed it on the pick-up counter. He shot Dan a wink as he walked past him. Dan stared at him, completely smitten, until he left. It took him a few minutes before he remembered Phil was standing in front of him.

“Dan,” Phil said as he waved a hand in front of his face.

“Oh hey,” he responded. Coming down from his Elliott high.

“I’m guessing that’s Elliott.”

“Yeah. Fit right?” Dan asked. He was blind to the slight look of sadness that appeared on Phil’s face.

“Uh sure,” Phil just raised his eyebrow, clearly a bit annoyed. “Can I just get a large matcha latte?” 

“Is that a-”

“Yeah, thanks,” Phil answered, cutting him off.

Phil walked over to the pick-up counter without saying more to Dan. He began talking to Addy and Oliver about the weather. Smiles and laughter being exchanged by the three of them, while Dan stood there confused. He was oblivious as to why Phil was acting a bit cold towards him.

When Phil was about to walk past him on his way out, Dan called out, “Am I still meeting you at your brother’s later?”

“Um, I kind of wanted to finish editing our video so I can post it this week. I’ll text you?”

Dan just nodded at him, unsure about what just happened.

He headed over to Addy. 

“Was it just me or was Phil acting strange?”

“Not sure, Howell,” she shrugged, “He seemed perfectly fine talking to me and Oli.”

“Yeah, maybe I’m just overthinking things.”

“Smile babe, you had a good moment with Elliott,” Addy encouraged.

  
  


Dan landed face first onto his bed. He had planned nothing but eating some leftover Thai food and going to sleep early. But before he could relax and settle in, he needed to text Phil.

**Dan:** Hey, did I do something wrong earlier?

**Phil:** No! It was just me. I just had a moment. Sorry

**Dan:** No worries. If anything’s bothering you, you know you can tell me, right?

**Phil:** Yeah I know. Thanks! :)

**Dan:** Still need help this week with merch?

**Phil:** Yeah. How does tomorrow sound?

**Dan:** Sounds good. See you then

He still wasn’t convinced that Phil was being truthful. Anyone can lie easily if their face isn’t in view. If he had asked the same question face to face, he knew Phil’s would give his emotions away. Dan decided to let go of the situation for now and ask again when the time’s right.

  
  


Dan rang the doorbell to the address Phil gave him. It was only a 10 minute walk from Joe’s, so he came right after work. He reeked of stale coffee and sweat, even with the clothes he changed into. Martyn opened the door, or at least he assumed it was Martyn because he looked similar to Phil.

“Ah, you must be Dan!” 

“Yeah, hi!”

“I’m Martyn,” he held out his hand to shake Dan’s. “Find the place alright?”

“Yeah, I work just down the street. I brought some pastries to snack on and as an apology for possibly stinking up your home with the stench of coffee,” he gave a half smile.

“Cheers mate!” Martyn grabbed the bag and placed it on an island counter in the kitchen.

“Phil’s running a bit late. You want a drink or something?”

“A water’s fine.”

Martyn tossed him a bottle. He surprisingly caught it for someone who didn’t have great hand/eye coordination.

They sat across from each other on stools around the counter. He felt oddly nervous to hear that it was just the two of them at the moment. Phil spoke about Martyn quite a bit that he knew he had nothing to be afraid of when it came to the guy. But he didn’t know what they could bant about without Phil present to facilitate the conversation.

“Phil talks about you a lot,” Martyn suddenly mentioned.

“Does he?” Dan smiled. The statement caught him off guard.

“Yeah, I’ve never heard him talk about anyone so much before. I’d be annoyed, but it’s nice to hear.”

“Oh?” Dan wasn’t sure how to react to those statements.

“Growing up, Phil never really got close to anyone. Like he can talk to people in social settings, but no one really stuck with him.” Martyn just shrugged. “I always tried to be his wingman whenever we went out, but he never really met anyone to befriend or date or whatever.”

“Hm,” Dan absorbed the information he was being told. It was odd for him to hear that Phil never really let anyone into his life because they got so close in such a short time span.

“Guess I’m an exception,” Dan joked.

“I was wondering why he kept going to that crappy place for coffee, no offence,” Martyn smiled.

“None taken.”

“But it’s nice seeing my little bro have a friend. So thank you.”

The front door suddenly opened and Phil’s voice rang through.

“Hello hello,” he called out.

“In the kitchen,” Martyn responded.

“Sorry I’m late! A lady stopped me in the street for directions, but then I gave her the wrong directions so I chased after her to tell her the right ones.”

Dan just grinned at him as he told his story. Once he was done talking, they moved to the office and began planning out new merch designs.

Dan began to wonder why Phil chose him after everything Martyn said. He wasn’t going to complain about it though because at this rate, he considered Phil to be one of his bestest friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i find it so funny that i wrote this days ago then they reacted to pinof1 in dan's vid. (i am also still trying to recover from it and can't wait for ii)


	7. Chapter 7

“Phil, you said you had potatoes. I don’t see any!” Dan called out from Phil’s kitchen.

“Are they not in the bottom cupboard?” Phil yelled from across the flat.

“Oh, you left them by the door, you spork!”

It was Friday and Dan had been coming over to Phil’s place for the past few days after work. They decided on binge watching new shows while they ate dinner together every night. They highly enjoyed each other’s company and cooking meals. When they were really lazy, they’d order takeaways, but they tried not to do that too often.

Tonight’s meal was going to be shepherd’s pie. Dan was starting the recipe because Phil had important emails to respond to.

“Ugh,” Phil groaned loudly.

“What’s up?” Dan walked a few steps until Phil was in his view.

“My brother can’t come to the YouTube party tomorrow. His girlfriend, Cornelia, surprised him with tickets to their favourite band so I told him he should go. Guess I’ll be going solo.”

“Well, if you want, I could go? I have tomorrow off and all.”

“Really?” Phil’s face lit up.

“Yeah.”

Phil got up from the couch and raced over to Dan. He tackled him in a hug that caused him to step back a bit.

“Sorry! Thank you!” Phil pulled away and smiled widely at Dan.

“Yeah, of course!”

Phil began to help Dan prep some ingredients. 

“Did you post the video yet, by the way?” Dan asked as he began to brown some onions.

“Not yet. Actually, I’ll go post it right now so maybe people will see it before the party tomorrow.”

Dan just stared at him nervously. He was a bit scared of people recognizing his face. He wasn’t sure how many YouTubers actually watched Phil’s video, but with his subscriber count, he wouldn’t be surprised if some did.

“It’ll be fine, Dan. Don’t worry.”

Dan continued to manage the pan and added the ground beef. He began to mindlessly mix the ingredients as he thought about any attention on him. He knew he was being silly, but he didn’t have the confidence to be in a room with future YouTube peers. Phil showed him the final edit of the video yesterday and he loved it, but he was scared others wouldn’t.

Phil reassured him that it was a great video. He wondered how Phil was always so cool and collected about putting himself out there like that. Phil always responded by mentioning how he was terrified like Dan was at first, but nice comments and feedback always stuck with him more than the bad ones.

After Phil hit the upload button, he returned to the kitchen to assist Dan in assembling the rest of their supper. They sat in front of the television with their food and started up Riverdale. 

“Cole Sprouse is a snack,” Dan voiced as his character appeared on the screen with a smoldering look on his face.

“You crush easily, don’t you?” Phil teased.

“Does it show how single I am?” 

“It really does,” Phil laughed.

Dan lightly shoved Phil’s arm in return while smiling. 

It was true that Dan found people attractive quite quickly. He couldn’t help but notice whenever someone had appealing qualities that he found good-looking. He could pick out physical traits he liked about everyone he came across, even his friends. For Phil, it was his smooth cheeks, his tongue sticking out whenever he was laughing too hard at something, his ocean blue eyes, and the contrast of his hair against his fair skin. Just because he found these features attractive, it didn’t necessarily mean it meant any more than that. At least he never thought so.

Once the episode ended, Dan thought it’d be a good time to bring up Monday’s incident again.

“Hey, um, I know you said it was nothing but it’s been kind of bothering me all week. On Monday, you seemed a bit pissed at me and I really want you to let me know if I did something.”

Phil just started shaking his head. “It was absolutely nothing, Dan. Please don’t worry about it. I was just being weird, I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” he said quietly, letting the situation go once and for all. Even though he knew Phil was lying, it was his decision to share whatever it was with Dan. He wasn’t going to be annoying and pester him.

They were silent for a bit before Phil held his phone to Dan’s face and eagerly told him to look.

“I told you they’d love the video!”

Dan smiled as he scanned through the comments telling him he was funny and cute. There were a lot of mentions about how great his and Phil’s chemistry was and many more about how great they’d look as a couple. Dan just took those opinions lightly because the two of them knew the truth that they were just friends. It was flattering to see the ratio of good comments compared to bad ones. Even though Dan felt a sinking feeling for every negative remark, he couldn’t shake his grin for every nice one.   
  


 

Dan stood in front of his monochromatic closet and just stared at it. He was overwhelmed by how many items of clothing he owned and underwhelmed by the selection at the same time. 

**Dan:** I forgot to ask you what I’m supposed to wear.

**Phil:** Oh yeah.

**Phil:** It isn’t super formal or anything. So a nice top and jeans will do

He started scanning every shirt on the far right of the rack. The side that was reserved for semi-formal attire suitable for clubs and bars. He was thankful that Addy made him buy a bunch of these dressier tops for when she dragged him with her on nights out.

Dan quickly picked up his phone and clicked on Addy’s contact.

“Need fashion help. Please tell me you’re free.”

“Oh, now I’m needed?”

“No time for sass!”

“Okay, I’ll be there in an hour.”

If Dan hadn’t met Addy, he’d be an even bigger lost cause than he was right now. He considered her his current best friend ever since Jake left. The two of them got along so well with their similar humour and ability to be honest with each other without any bullshit. 

“I narrowed it down to 4 options,” he said immediately once he opened the door for Addy.

“Hello to you too,” she responded.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m feeling kind of panicky.”

“Deep breaths, babe.” 

She placed a hand on each of his arms to try and calm him down. Dan inhaled and exhaled a few times before he nodded at her to indicate he was okay. Addy dropped her arms and went to sit on the sofa.

Dan headed into his room to grab the shirts he selected. He pulled off his black t-shirt and began buttoning up a Givenchy white button-up shirt with white thorn embroidered details around the collar. 

“Looks too formal.” 

He removed that top and began buttoning up a long, grey plaid shirt from Topman.

“You know I love this top on you, but maybe not for this event.”

“You’re right,” he said as he took it off. A black button-up with black embroidered details along the front appeared on his torso next.

“I know all black outfits are your branding, but maybe dial back on the funeral tonight.”

Finally, he shoved his arms into a red plaid button-up Givenchy top that he only wore a few times before.

“That’s the one!”

“Are you sure?” Dan asked as he looked at himself in the hallway mirror.

“Yes!”

“Maybe I should try something else that almost made the cut,” he said as he frantically began to dig through a pile on his bed.

Addy got up and followed him. 

“Dan, why are you trying so hard?”

“I just need to look presentable.”

“For who?”

“For everyone I haven’t met before. I just want to make a good impression.”

“Are you sure that’s it? And you’re not trying to impress a certain someone?”

Dan stopped tossing shirts around and threw her a look. He knew what she was insinuating.

“No, I’m not trying to look good for Phil. I genuinely like him as a person and I don’t want to mess up that friendship.”

He was visibly worked up over that topic, which was highly evident to Addy as she just pulled him into an embrace. He wasn’t sure why he got this way when Addy brought it up because in his head, he knew what Phil meant to him.

“I know, babe. I’m sorry if I’m being pushy. You know I’m just kidding.”

“I know. I’m sorry if I was being rude,” he said as he leaned down and placed his head on her shoulder.

  
  


Dan was waiting in front of his building as Phil pulled up in a black car. 

“Fancy,” Dan said as he entered the backseat to join Phil.

“Yeah, not every day you get a chauffeur to drive you around town. Thanks again, Edmund!” He said to the driver.

Edmund just gave him a thumbs up.

“You look snazzy. Colour looks good on you,” Phil said as he examined Dan’s outfit.

Dan mildly blushed. “Thanks, you do too.”

“Aw thanks. Even though you basically chose this top.”

They listened to the radio hits that softly played through the car speakers. Right now, Dua Lipa was reminding them not to pick up the phone for fuck boys.

“Any tips for these kind of things?” Dan asked.

“Um, just be yourself honestly. You’re not obligated to talk to anyone if you don’t want to. Take advantage of the free food and alcohol. I really just say hi to anyone who says hi to me first, then snack in the corner.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

Edmund dropped them off at the entrance of a fancy looking hotel. There were beautiful white Roman pillars that stood on either side of the doors and colourful bouquets in large white vases. They walked inside as Dan appreciated the architecture and decals. 

Phil signed in at the desk and they strutted on the hotel’s marble floors until they reach event hall C.

The room was dimly lit and music was blasting as they stepped into it. Dan suddenly felt overwhelmed by the amount of people scattered throughout the place. He stood there like a statue for a second before Phil reached for his hand to lead him towards the bar. The touch surprised him and made him focus on something other than his anxiety. 

“Are you okay?” Phil whispered into his ear. The music was so loud, he was surprised anyone was able to hear each other.

Dan nodded his head. He stood as close to Phil’s side as he could, not wanting to lose him in a room full of strangers. Phil ordered drinks for the both of them.

Once the glass was in his hand, Dan began to take frequent sips. It was something he did when he felt awkward, drink whatever beverage was within his grasp. Unfortunately, he hadn’t eaten much today, so the alcohol was taking effect much quicker than he anticipated. 

“Phil!” A blonde female began to approach them.

“Louise! How are you?” Phil embraced the woman.

“I’m great! Long time no see!”

“This is Dan,” Phil pointed towards him. “Dan this is Louise. She makes YouTube videos too.”

“Oh yes! I saw the video you uploaded after I put Pearl to bed. It was hilarious!” She shook Dan’s hand, “So nice to meet you! Will you be making videos too?”

“You too.” Dan said, hoping his hand wasn’t sweaty from the nerves. “Um, hopefully soon, yeah.”

“Awesome, looking forward to watching them!”

He smiled her way. Happiness bursting through him at receiving a genuine comment from someone who had her own following on YouTube. 

Dan observed as Phil asked Louise about her new baby. He felt okay with just fading into the background, not feeling like he was in the position to really contribute to the conversation. Phil would bump his arm once in a while to assure Dan that he hadn’t forgotten about him.

Phil introduced Dan to a few more YouTubers, including Zoe, Alfie, and PJ. They had all seen their collab video and complimented Dan on his funniness, which made him feel more confident. Afterwards, he and Phil filled up plates with hors d'oeuvres, got more drinks, then found some vacant seats to sit on.

“You doing okay?” Phil asked Dan again. He appreciated that Phil didn’t constantly ask him how he was feeling to the point where it was irritating.

“Yeah, thanks for inviting me. Everyone is actually really nice?” Dan said. He was genuinely surprised by the YouTubers he’s met so far.

Phil just chuckled. “We’re not all pricks or anything. Well the people I talk to aren’t, that’s for sure.”

They spent a good chunk of the night eating and drinking without being interrupted by anyone else. The two of them were borderline drunk off the free booze. Dan could feel his face heat up and knew his rosy patches were now visible.

Phil, as usual, had food smeared on the corner of his mouth. Dan just decided to take his finger and wipe it off for him. His finger ended up swiping from the middle of Phil’s bottom lip to the outer edge because Phil quickly moved his head.

“Oh my god, Dan, there’s a photobooth!” Phil pointed across the room. “Let’s go!”

He watched Phil stumble as he got up. Phil was a clumsy person who naturally tripped over his own feet, so him being drunk did not factor well with his ability to walk. Dan died laughing as he helped him stabilize himself before they marched over to the photobooth.

They lined up and then chose some props as they waited. Bunny ears for Dan and Minnie Mouse ears for Phil. When it was their turn to take photos, they both had to squish together in order to fit into frame. The booth was definitely not made for two men over 6 foot.

Dan pressed the button to begin taking photos. Phil was pulling a ton of goofy faces. He was pretty sure all of the photos would be of him just drunkenly laughing at Phil’s expressions or of their faces pressed against each other as they giggled. They decided to press the button again to take more photos. Phil ditched his ears because they were messing up his hair. 

“I lied when I said Monday wasn’t a big deal,” Phil suddenly said out of the blue while looking straight at the camera. “Elliott seems like an ass and I don’t understand why you like him.”

The flash went off and the photo would later reveal Dan staring at Phil with a shocked look on his face. 

Dan was too drunk to comprehend what Phil said. The next thing he knew was that there was this moment being shared between them. A moment where their eyes were locked and if this were a movie, it’d be the perfect timing for them to lean in and share a kiss. And that was exactly what was happening as Dan saw Phil leaning in and felt his own body mimic the action. Their lips just centimetres apart. Dan held his breath, trying to decide if this is territory they should enter. 

Before the gap was closed, someone peered their head into the booth and they both jumped back.

“You guys almost done?”

“Yeah,” Phil said as he exited the opposite side of the photobooth.

When Dan staggered out of the booth, he couldn’t see Phil close by. The booth attendant handed Dan their photos and he slid them into his pocket. Instead of searching through the crowd in his drunken state, he decided to get some fresh air outside and think about what just happened.

He found Phil outside, presumably doing the same thing.

“Weren’t gonna leave without me, were you?” Dan joked when he saw him.

“Sorry,” was all Phil said without looking at him.

Phil confessed that he wasn’t feeling so great, so they agreed to head out. They rode together in silence. Phil pressed his head against the cool window. They both weren’t in the right state of mind to talk about what occurred between them.

Dan told the driver to drop Phil off first so he wouldn’t get sick all over the car. He went around to assist Phil out of the vehicle and placed his hands on his waist to help him up to his flat. He removed Phil’s shoes and glasses before tucking him into bed. Phil was pretty passed out by this point, so Dan grabbed a glass of water and placed it on his bedside. Dan’s fingers gently brushed the hair off of Phil’s forehead before he whispered, “goodnight, Phil.” He gave one final glance Phil’s way before shutting the door behind him and returning to the waiting car.

Dan lay awake in bed that night, despite feeling exhausted and dehydrated. The almost kiss replaying in his head. Several questions running through his mind. Did he like Phil in that way? Does Phil like him in that way? Why did Phil run off afterwards? Will they talk about this? Will they pretend it didn’t happen? Dan didn’t know what to think. Up until now he was sure Phil didn’t consider him as anything more than a friend. Maybe there were moments that could’ve convinced him otherwise, but he never wanted to overthink it unless Phil directly told him he liked him. 

He fell asleep terrified that whatever just happened would ruin their friendship.

 


	8. Chapter 8

The sunlight was shining directly onto his face when he awoke. He sat up a little too quickly with the intention of shutting his blinds. His hangover caused him to just lie back in bed and toss the covers over his head. 

When Dan finally woke up and got himself out of bed, it was 3 PM. He had wasted his entire Sunday rotting, but with how he felt, it was well needed. He chugged a half drunk bottle of water that had been on his bedside table for an unknown amount of time.

Dan picked up his phone and saw multiple texts from Phil. His mind instantly flooded with panic before he read them.

**Phil:** Thank you for getting me back to my flat last night

**Phil:** Also extremely sorry about anything I said or did last night. I can’t remember much, but my head is killing me

**Phil:** I’m headed to my parents for the week so I guess just text if you need me

**Phil:** I will be back for your birthday though. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget :)

He was glad Phil wasn’t upset about last night. Then again, he wasn’t sure if Phil even remembered what happened or was just playing it off. Regardless, he was glad Phil didn’t seem like he was angry at him. 

Sleeping for most of the day left a lot of room for Dan to dream. He dreamt about the photobooth and the almost kiss. In one scenario, it was Dan who leaned in and Phil exited the booth in disgust that Dan misread such a situation. In another scenario, their lips actually touched and he swore he saw fireworks and felt his heart flip. Obviously neither happened in reality, but it didn’t stop Dan from obsessing over it.

He knew he needed to speak to Phil and see how much he recollected. He was glad Phil was going to visit his parents because he hadn’t seen them in a while, but the timing was all too inconvenient for Dan. He was never going to have the conversation he wanted until Phil returned at the end of the week, so Dan tried to go about his life until that day came.

Dan snatched his phone and texted Phil back.

**Dan:** You didn’t do anything wrong. Have fun up north. See you when you get back :)

  
  


Dan decided on doing the bare minimum today. He wanted to recover so he was fully ready for his long work week ahead of him. He managed to take a quick shower and change his outfit into clean sweats. He lazily put together a cheese toastie with a side of chips to eat for dinner. He also made a haste trip to check his mailbox, which he was horrible at doing on a regular basis.

Within the pile of bills and flyers was a postcard from Italy.

_ To: Daniel Howell _

_ Skype. Wednesday June 6. 7 PM London time.  _ _   
_ _ (I swear if you’re late, I will find a way to punch you) _

_ Miss you, Jake _

Dan smiled as he read what Jake wrote. They would frequently send vague messages like that when they were younger via text or notes passed between classes whenever one of them had big news that couldn’t wait until they were face to face. Dan wasn’t sure if Jake was just trying to catch up for his birthday or if he really did have something to share, but he was excited to see him on Wednesday, even if it was just through a screen.

He couldn’t even remember how long it had been since he spoke to Jake. Jake didn’t really like keeping up frequently because he thought it would leave him with no stories to tell when he came back home. Dan didn’t really mind. As much as he missed Jake, they both grew up into men who weren’t so dependant on each other like they used to be when they were younger.

  
  


“How was the party, Howell?” Addy badgered him the second he stepped into the store.

“Um, something happened, in a way.” Dan himself wasn’t so sure if what occurred was a big deal. After thinking long and hard about it yesterday, he came to the conclusion that it was just a drunken mistake. People do things that don’t mean anything all the time when they’re drunk. 

“Tell me, tell me.”

“So I met some of Phil’s YouTube friends and they’re all super nice. Then we were just loners in the corner, eating and drinking. We both got pretty drunk. Then we took photos in a photobooth and we-almost-kissed but it’s fine, we didn’t. Now he’s at his parents for the week and he doesn’t seem to remember if something happened. So I’m just writing it off as a drunken mistake.” 

Dan tried to gloss over the kiss part of the night so Addy wouldn’t get hung up on it. But with information like that, it’s hard to hear anything but that portion of the story.

Addy widened her eyes at him. He knew where she stood when it came to him and Phil. She loved the idea of them together. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. How do you feel?” She turned her face into a more neutral emotion. As if remembering her apology on Saturday about not being pushy.

“I have no idea. I’m confused as fuck, but maybe it just is what it is you know? Maybe it was just a heat of the moment thing. All I know is I don’t want to lose whatever we have, so I’m hoping it didn’t ruin it.”

“Do you like him?”

“I don’t want to think about that. I’ve spent all day trying not to think about that. Until I talk to him, I’m just classifying this as a friendly mistake. He’s my friend and that’s that.”

“Okay,” Addy said nonchalantly. 

“Wow, no further questioning? I’m shocked.” 

“It seems like the situation is really fucking with you, so I won’t make it worse. Plus I said I wouldn’t be pushy.” She shrugged.

“Thanks Addy.”

“How about to get your mind off of it, we go out on Friday for your birthday?”

“I kind of wanted to take it easy this year.” 

He knows how this will go. If he says no, it still means he’ll be coerced to come. Dan knows Addy would rather have him not be sitting in his pants eating a whole birthday cake with a fork, while watching whatever show intrigues him on Netflix. As much as he’d love to do that again, he hasn’t been able to since he’s met Addy.

“Come on!” Addy pulled her best puppy dog eyes and pout.

“Fine.” 

It wasn’t hard for Addy to convince Dan to do anything ever. 

  
  


Dan sat on the couch with a bowl of spaghetti bolognese as he waited for Jake to Skype in. He’s beyond grateful that it was the middle of the week. Two days closer until his days off. But it was also two days closer until he had to celebrate his birthday. He didn’t mind treating himself every year he aged, but he hated the attention it brought on him by people he knew.

The sound of the Skype ringtone startled him. He clicked “accept” on his laptop screen and saw Jake’s dark brown buzzed hair, brown eyes, and almost black short beard. Even though the quality was shitty, Dan could see how Jake’s appearance had changed significantly since he’s left home. He used to rock long hair that he frequently tied up and a baby face. Now he looked much more his age. 

Almost the same could be said about Dan, except he very much still had a baby face. Dan used to straighten his hair on a daily basis. It was only recently that he embraced the natural waves of his brown locks.

“Daniel! Mate, how are you doing?” Jake said the second their video conversation connected.

“Jake, holy shit. Almost didn’t recognize you there for a second.”

“Oh yeah, like the new ‘do?” Jake ran his hand over his head to accentuate the lack of hair.

“Yeah man! It looks good.” Dan responded, smiling at Jake’s makeover.

“Sorry I’ve been bad at keeping up. I’m feeling like a shit friend not checking in on you more.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “It’s not your job, Jake. You need to live your life too.”

Back when Dan first moved in with the Marano’s, Jake did everything he could to make sure Dan was feeling okay. He almost got his way of having the bunk beds they used when they had sleepovers as children taken out of the garage and placed back into his room. That was until they realized that the metal frame was not made for two men over 5 feet. It took a lot for Dan to convince Jake to travel.

 

_ “Are you sure you won’t need me?” Jake asked. He kept pausing their video game to ask Dan questions. _

_ “Ugh, yes Jake. I’m sure. Now stop hitting the start button.”  _

_ He knew Jake just had the best intentions, but right now it was starting to feel as if he had protective detail or something. Him trying to get Jake to follow his dreams of travelling the world was beneficial for both of their sakes. _

_ “What if your mom comes back with Matt? I can’t have something happen and me not be here.” _

_ Dan shut his eyes and put his fingers on his temple. _

_ “Your parents will be here. I really doubt Matt will make an effort to come find me, he’s a lazy bloke.”  _

_ “What if he goes after my parents too?” _

_ “Nothing has happened in the past 3 years. We’ll be okay, Jake. I need you to go travel and not be held back here because of me. Please, if you care about me, you will go and trust that I’ll be okay.” _

_ Jake just sighed before leaning his back on the couch. He resumed their game, finally giving up on pestering Dan with his worries. _

_ That night, Dan coaxed him into purchasing his tickets to Italy. _

 

“I know, but a guy can still worry about his friend right?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“So really, how have you been?”

“I’ll be honest and say that last month my mum left me a voicemail. I had bad nightmares and lost sleep for a few weeks.”

Jake opened his mouth to respond. Dan knew whatever sound he’d make would be an angry one. He held up a finger to immediately silence Jake before he could start.

“But..”

“But..” Jake urged on.

“I’ve been doing okay, really. Made a new friend.” Dan smiled to himself a little. He didn’t realize how proud of himself he was that he had someone else in his life to care about because it was never a long list.

“Friend or  _ friend _ ?” Jake asked, one eyebrow raised.

“It’s..” Dan paused for a moment to figure out how to classify their situation, “It was the former. But over the weekend, we almost kissed, now I’m just confused as hell.”

“What’s confusing about it? You either like him or you don’t.”

“Everything’s not always clear cut, Jake.”

“Okay, explain to me what the issue is.”

“Well before the weekend, I had no idea Phil even thought of us like that. He’s a hard one to read, so I never wanted to assume anything. I haven’t talked to him about the situation yet since he’s gone for the week, but I’m not even sure he remembers what happened.”

“Dan, if you don’t try to call that Phil boy up to sort your feelings out, the second I’m home I will be just as pushy as you were when getting me to travel.”

Dan gave him a dirty look. “You’re evil.”

“I just want what’s best for you,” he responded in a fakely sweet voice.

“Fine. I’ll call him tomorrow, god.”

“You still crushing on that guy you mentioned in your email last month?”

“Yeah, there’s him too. But I obviously have no shot with him, he’s just nice to look at. And thanks for reading my emails, but never responding to them.”

“Daniel, you know how I am.”

Dan laughed. “I know, I know. I’m not mad.”

“You excited for your birthday?”

“When am I ever?”

“It’s probably ‘cause I’m not home to make it fun.” Jake grinned.

Since they’ve met, they had the tradition of ordering as much takeaway as they could afford and playing video games all day on Dan’s birthdays. It was a simple event, but Dan always loved every second of it. The night would conclude with a homemade birthday cake that Helen would bake. Dan hasn’t had anyone to play video games with on his birthday since Jake left.

“When are you coming home, by the way? At this rate, I’m counting on never.”

“Actually…”

Dan grew suspicious. Jake’s tone indicated a surprise was coming, but Dan had no idea what. He watched as Jake beamed at someone off camera and waved them over. A petite girl with long brown hair and wide brown eyes appeared on screen. Even though Jake was sitting, Dan could already tell there was quite the height difference between them.

“Dan, this is my fiance, Ally.” Jake looked at her fondly as Ally waved at the camera to Dan.

“What? When? Oh my god. But hi Ally, so nice to meet you.” Dan was baffled at the revelation.

“Nice to meet you too, Dan. I’ve heard so many things about you,” she said. Her voice was higher pitched and her accent was stunning.

“I met her last year when I was in Spain for a bit. She was staying at her aunt’s house for a few months down the road from the hostel I was at. One day, the bag of groceries she was carrying broke, so I helped her bring them back to her house then the rest was history. Turned out she was from Italy, so we went back together later in the year.”

“Wow. I’m so happy for you guys. Have you told your parents?”

“Other thing. I’m coming home soon to introduce Ally to them. So don’t spill anything!”

“I won’t say a word,” Dan promised.

“Thank you.”

Dan watched as Ally whispered something into Jake’s ear. He was so in love with how in love the two of them looked. Hopefully one day he’d find someone for himself and have other people look at them like that.

“Ah, Dan I’ve gotta head off. We have plans with her family.”

“No problem. It’s always good to see you, no matter how long.”

“You too. So call that boy. Get yourself laid or something ‘cause I know you haven’t just by looking at you. I’ll be home soon.”

Dan chuckled, “Okay you ass, see you!”

He shut his laptop once their call was over. He was so happy for Jake. Never in a million years would he have thought Jake would find someone to settle down with, only because he always spoke about how non-committed he was to commitment. If Jake could take that leap and choose to give his heart to someone, surely Dan can be brave and choose to pick up the phone to talk things over with Phil. He decided he would do it after work the following day.

  
  


Dan’s palms were sweaty as he stared at his phone. It was lying flat on the table. How he wished he could just lie prone on the ground and not have to do this. As much as he knew he needed to talk to Phil, he didn’t know how to. Phil’s text made it seem like he didn’t remember anything odd happening. Then again, why did he flee town so fast? Phil never mentioned that he was going to his parents once. All that bounced through his mind were questions. Questions only Phil could answer.

He wiped his hands on the sofa before lifting his phone. Once he heard the ringing, he instantly wanted to just hang up.  _ Please don’t pick up, please don’t pick up _ , he repeated in his head. His finger was ready to end the call.

“Dan!” Phil answered.

“Hey Phil. How’s the north?” Dan asked quickly.

“It’s great. I love being with my folks.” 

Dan could hear the happiness in Phil’s voice.

“Was there something you needed?” Phil asked when Dan didn’t answer right away.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry for ringing you, by the way. But if I don’t ask you this, my mind’s just going to lose it,” he rambled.

He could hear Phil take a deep breath on the other end.

“Yeah? What is it?” 

His voice sounded less cheerful than it was a second ago. His tone was a bit concerned. Also a bit nervous.

“Do you remember what happened at the party?” Dan asked hesitantly.

There was a moment of silence. Phil then released a sigh.

“That was my fault. I’m really sorry about that, it must’ve been the alcohol or something. It won’t happen again, I promise. I’d never want to jeopardize our friendship like that,” Phil babbled.

Dan was about to respond, but Phil spoke again. “Listen Dan, I’m sorry, but I have to help my mum with something. Talk when I get back, okay?”

Before Dan could reply, the beep indicating the call was ended rang through his ear. He guessed that was as good as it was going to get when it came to Phil. He was glad that Phil was on the same page as him in not wanting to ruin their friendship, but he didn’t get the answers he was hoping. Why did Phil pretend he didn’t remember what happened? Why did it even happen in the first place? Only time can help with getting his answers or assist with forgetting. For now, Dan decided to take Phil’s word and move on from it.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hi there. is this an extra chapter this week? why yes, yes it is.
> 
> i usually post a one-shot every other week, but didn't get around to finishing one. so enjoy this chapter!
> 
> TW: small mention about a car accident/loss of parents (no details)

Dan went straight to Addy’s after his shift. He was exhausted, but knew he couldn’t back out of this. He gave Addy a bag with some clothing options for her to keep at her place the previous day. After he used her shower, he donned on the black ripped skinny jeans, white long sleeve, and black denim jacket Addy chose out for him.

“Do you think this top shows off just enough boob or too much?” Addy asked Dan as she checked her outfit out in the full length mirror.

“It looks fine,” Dan said without actually looking at her. He was staring at his phone. Counting down the hours until it was acceptable for him to go home.

She frowned at him through the mirror. “Dan, I can see you, and I know you didn’t look.”

Dan tucked his phone into his jean pocket. “Sorry.”

Addy turned around and made her way to sit beside Dan on the sofa.

“Everything alright?”

“It’s just been a long week and you know I’m not particularly fond of my birthday.”

She held out her hand for Dan to take. They seemed to do this a lot when one of them, usually Dan, had a lot on their mind and needed comforting.

“Come out for at least one drink. If you’re not feeling it, you’re free to go.”

Dan nodded. Even though Addy forced him to go out so he wasn’t holed up in his flat all the time, she never made him feel trapped. She was never angry with him when he’d leave her dancing alone on the dancefloor. She understood his boundaries, but made sure he didn’t live his life too safe and too comfortable.

“Maybe there’ll be somebody at the bar who’s perfect for you,” she announced.

Dan rolled his eyes. “I don’t think my heart can handle another one night stand.”

When they went to a bar last year, Dan met a guy named Ryan who he hit it off with. He had dirty blonde hair with shaved sides and was a similar build to him, except he was 5 inches shorter. Ryan wasn’t looking for anything, except to hook up. But Dan’s helpless ability to crush instantly made him miserable for weeks when Ryan ghosted after they slept together.

He got up and raided Adelaide’s closet, pulling out a red plaid strapless crop top with matching fitted trousers and held them out to her. “I think you should wear this.”

Her eyes lit up. “Oh my god, I forgot about that outfit. It’s perfect, Howell!”

  
  


Dan nervously played with his right hoop earring as they waited in the queue. Luckily they didn’t have to wait long because Addy was friends with the manager, Tom, who had her on the list whenever she called in. The gay bar, Kaleidoscope, was one they went to every few weeks. They’d rotate between different ones depending on how they felt that night.

“I’m so glad it’s 2000’s night,” Addy shouted in Dan’s ear once they were granted access.

“Yeah, I’m glad you chose this denim jacket.”

They headed for the bar and ordered a shot of tequila each. Because it was a special occasion, they picked the expensive kind. The kind that didn’t burn horribly as it raced down your throat. The kind that didn’t leave the worst taste behind in your mouth. The kind you didn’t have to chase.

Afterwards, they carried their rum and cokes to a booth Addy usually got Tom to reserve for them. It was a small one in the corner, near the bathroom. Nothing luxurious or fancy like the ones reserved for people who purchase bottle service. 

“Down it, then dance?” Addy asked.

“Definitely,” Dan said before he chugged his drink.

He grabbed her hand to help her up then lead her to the dancefloor. The floor was already packed with people dancing along to Lady Marmalade. They moved with the rhythm of the next 5 songs until Addy declared she needed a drink and Dan could feel the sweat in his hair.

They agreed to meet back at their booth as Addy headed towards the bar and Dan walked to the loo to freshen up. The corridor leading to the bathrooms was fairly dark. The only light source were dim blue potlights and the strobe light glowing from the dancefloor. When he placed his hand on the men’s door to push it open, another man was exiting at the same time. Dan looked up to see who he almost walked into so he could apologize, but found himself suddenly mute.

“Sorry, mate,” Elliott said, tossing Dan a quick wink before proceeding back to the crowded room.

Dan breathed out an “it’s okay” once he composed himself. Even though there was zero chance Elliott heard it.

He was grateful that he was alone in the bathroom. He looked at himself long and hard in the mirror. Despite the awful blue glow of the lighting, Dan could see the shine on his face and the dampness of his hair from dancing too hard. He looked like a sweaty mess. He splashed cold water on his face and dried the water and sweat with the brown paper towels. There was no way he was leaving this bathroom until he looked semi-decent now that he knew Elliott was in the vicinity. 

After a few spritzes of whatever cologne someone left on the counter, he headed back out. He noticed Addy sipping her drink through a straw flirtatiously while gazing at someone on the dancefloor. Dan followed her stare until his eyes landed on a tan girl who looked about average height with long pink hair. She was dancing with her friends to Bye Bye Bye while checking Addy out once in a while.

“I see you found a potential candidate,” Dan proclaimed once he reached their booth.

Addy broke out of the slight trance she was in.

“Huh? Oh, yeah maybe. She’s gorgeous. You know Vincent’s here too though?” 

“The guy you hooked up with last week?” 

“Yeah. He might not be much of a looker, but that boy sure knows how to use his hands.”

Dan howled with laughter. He recalled Addy sharing every single detail of the sex she and Vincent had between making drinks at work. He loved how honest and open she was, but sometimes there were things he really thought she should keep to herself.

“Well, I’m sure you can easily have anyone you wanted in this room.”

Addy smiled at him. She loved hearing compliments like that. Even though she was a very confident lady, she needed to hear how great she was sometimes. Addy had to grow up quickly after her parents tragically passed away in a car accident. She was 13 at the time and took great responsibility in taking care of her 6 year-old brother, Simon. Even though her aunt took them in and was more than willing to help out, she felt like it was her duty to provide for him. Her aunt had to convince her it was time to live her own life too once she turned 18.

“How about you, old man? See anyone interesting?”

“Hey, I’m only a year older than you. And actually, guess who I ran into going to the loo.”

“Let’s see.. Elliott?”

Dan looked at Addy amazed. It was as if she was psychic.

She giggled and pointed behind Dan’s shoulder. “He’s at the bar.”

Dan didn’t dare turn around to look. He didn’t want Elliott to notice him staring. It wasn’t as if he did it every single time he came into the cafe. Tonight, he wanted to play it as cool as he could.

“Daniel Howell, tonight, you better chug this drink and walk right up to him so he can take you home.”

He could feel his face starting to heat up. “How do I even know he’s into guys? He could just be here with some friends. Or for some other reason.”

“Well you’re just going to have to find out, won’t you?” She smirked.

Dan felt hesitant. What better opportunity than now to get to know Elliott in the way he always dreamed? He should feel happier than he does and thankful for a setting with liquid confidence. Really, what did he have to lose? He downed his drink and felt the warmth of the alcohol radiate to his limbs. 

“Wish me luck,” he said as he set his glass down.

“You’ve got this, babe.” She patted his shoulder and gave him a soft shove in the direction Elliott was in.

Dan wanted to walk slow so he could observe whether or not Elliott was there with someone. It looked like he was with a few other men who looked just as handsome as he did. He was just about ready to turn around, when he noticed that his cursed long legs delivered him right beside Elliott faster than he anticipated.

Dan pretended that Elliott wasn’t just a touch away and ordered a drink. He was hoping Elliott would speak to him first. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he remembered his face from the cafe. Suddenly he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Dan, right?” Elliott asked with a Cheshire cat smile. 

He could feel his heart pick up speed at the touch. Their hands have grazed before with the exchangement of cash, but that was always accidental. This was intentional contact. Elliott purposefully placed his hand on his body.

“Y-yeah,” Dan stuttered. The alcohol hadn’t fully kicked in yet, so his nerves were still free to do as they please.

“Guys, this is that cute barista I’ve told you about,” he said over his shoulder to his friends.

Dan’s thoughts were all over the place as he mindlessly said hi to all of Elliott’s friends. Elliott thought he was cute? Dan’s mind was being blown.

“You come here a lot?” Elliott asked right in his ear.

“Every few weeks whenever Addy drags me out.”

He could feel the alcohol sinking in now because he’s no longer a stuttering mess.

“This is my first time.” He’s shot Dan a charming smile every single time he’s looked at him.

“Ah, well I’d avoid ordering your drink from Gavin over there if you want to remember your night. He likes to make them strong as hell.”

Elliott laughed at his lame tip. The sound was like music to Dan’s ears because that was the first time he’s ever heard him laugh. It also made him feel good that it was because of him.

“Good to know.”

“Almost didn’t recognize you without a suit on,” Dan joked. 

Elliott was dressed in blue jeans and a button up chambray top.

“You like my casual clothes?” he grinned.

“You could honestly pull anything off probably,” Dan admitted. 

He looked over his shoulder quickly to find Addy. She was still at the booth and gave him a thumbs up.

“So do you come here to meet people? Or just have a good time?”

“Usually the latter,” Dan answered. He seldom found this environment a good way to meet people worthwhile. 

“Do you make exceptions?” Elliott stepped a bit closer. Dan could smell the alcohol on his breath. 

“Depends on who’s asking,” Dan replied. He’s amazed that he’s keeping his cool, despite him being sure that his breathing had stopped.

Elliott maintained strong eye contact with Dan and placed his hand on his upper thigh. Dan just gulped in response. His hand was close and it was pretty obvious that Dan could literally fall apart in his hands.

His other hand cupped Dan’s cheek and his thumb began to stroke the skin.

“Do you know how pretty you are, Dan?” 

Dan was grateful that the bar’s lighting was pretty dark so Elliott couldn’t see how hard he was blushing.

Before Dan could wrap his head around the fact that Elliott found him attractive, he felt lips attach onto his. It wasn’t hard for Dan to melt into it and move with him. The kiss didn’t start slow at all. It automatically deepened. Lips being bit. Tongues playing war. Teeth clanging against each other. Dan would usually be uncomfortable with PDA like this, but he felt like it was all a dream and he wanted it so badly.

Elliott broke the kiss and breathily whispered in his ear, “Want to head to mine? It’s not far from here.”

Dan nodded feverishly.

As Elliott was saying bye to his friends, Dan looked over in Addy’s direction so he could send her a message that he was leaving. Instead of seeing her by herself, he caught sight of her making out with the cotton candy haired girl. Dan was always impressed with Addy’s ability to attract people. He’s dubbed her as his bisexual queen.

“Ready?” Elliott asked. He held out a hand for Dan to take and lead him out of the bar. 

 

As they walked towards Elliott’s building, Dan tried to get to know him.

“So, do you like your job? Heard you were a lawyer, but not sure what kind.”

Elliott just placed a hand to his temple, “Do you think we could not talk about work? The weekend is my only time away from it.”

“Sorry,” Dan mumbled.

There was a silence between them that Dan just felt the urge to erase. It’s the most he’s ever had the courage to get to know Elliott.

“So what do you usually do on the weekends?”

Elliott, who was a few paces ahead of Dan, stopped in his tracks. He advanced in Dan’s direction and pinned him against a building wall.

“You like asking a lot of questions, don’t you?” He asked with a sneer before pressing a kiss onto Dan’s open mouth. He latched on to Dan’s hand and lead him the rest of the 3 blocks.

Once they reached Elliott’s place, which just so happened to be the penthouse suite, Elliott was already all over him. He stripped Dan’s jacket off then reattached their lips and wasn’t shy of placing a hand right on Dan’s dick. Dan choked on his spit a little at how eager Elliott was to get into his pants. Elliott aggressively pushed Dan backwards onto the bed and climbed on top of him. He began sucking at the skin on his neck, while replacing his hand on Dan’s lower region to start palming him through his jeans.

Dan wanted to love every moment of this. On top of him was the man he’d been eyeing up every single day for over a month. He must’ve imagined this occasion a million times. Yet it wasn’t feeling how he thought it would. It was all a bit too rough. 

Elliott began to work at Dan’s belt. Complaining about how much of an inconvenience it was and that he should just cut it off. Once he finally undid it and began to unbutton his jeans, Dan stopped him.

“Do.. do you mind if I use your toilet first?” Dan asked anxiously.

“Really? Right now?” Elliott responded, clearly annoyed. He climbed off of Dan and pointed him to a door down the hall.

Dan closed the lid and sat down, taking in deep breaths. Why wasn’t he into this? He should be equally into this. Instead of wanting to run his hands over every inch of Elliott’s body, he wanted to keep them at his sides. Instead of wanting to kiss his lips until they were raw, he wanted to use them for talking. Dan knew quite well that if they kept at it, Elliott’s name wouldn’t be the one he’d be moaning out loud. 

It was Phil’s body that Dan wanted to explore. It was Phil’s lips that Dan wanted to kiss off. It was Phil’s name he wanted to scream to the world. It’s been Phil this whole time, but he never wanted to admit to it.

He didn’t know how long he had been sat in the loo contemplating. It was surely too long. As much as he felt relief that it took a moment like this to figure out how he felt about Phil, he was scared to face Elliott. He couldn’t stay locked in there forever, so he finally came out.

Dan found Elliott sitting on the sofa with a glass of white wine. Before Dan could apologize for what happened and politely tell him he had to depart, Elliott spoke without looking him in the eye.

“I have an early morning tomorrow, so there’s a car waiting for you downstairs.”

“Elliott, I’m really sor-”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too that you wasted my time. But whatever, you’re too much of a talker. You can leave the way you came in.”

Dan collected his jacket and exited the suite. He was glad that he didn’t sleep with that pretentious prick. He was happy he couldn’t get into Elliott because he was already so deeply into Phil.

As he walked towards the lifts, he felt something poking out of his back pocket. He pulled out the photobooth photos of him and Phil from the party. The way he was fondly looking at Phil in the photos would’ve been obvious to anyone who saw them that Dan Howell was incredibly smitten by Phil Lester.

Dan knew he had to tell Phil as soon as possible. Even if Phil didn’t feel the same way, he couldn’t sit on this secret. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: vomit (if that makes you feel queasy to read about)

The second Dan got home, he knew he wasn’t going to fall asleep for a long while. It was 2 AM and he felt exhilarated by the revelation of his feelings for Phil to himself. Instead of caring about how shitty Elliott treated him, he could only repeat “I like Phil” over and over in his brain. It was new. It was terrifying. It was a feeling he had never felt for anyone ever before. Sure, he got infatuated easily by pretty boys, but he’s never had feelings develop this way - where he got to know someone without feelings attached first. Where the feelings bloomed beautifully over time with proper care.

Dan knew he was being reckless when he pressed the keys on his phone.

**Dan:** Hey. When do you come home? 

Phil was probably asleep. He hoped he was still awake and that he didn’t disturb his slumber.

Dan saw the three dots appear and disappear for several minutes. Phil seemed to be typing and erasing or writing a really long text. His forehead began to wrinkle with worry at what Phil had to say.

**Phil:** I am home

His heart sunk a bit. Dan knew that Phil didn’t want to talk about what happened between them, but he didn’t think Phil wouldn’t tell him he was back in London. Did Phil not want to see him?

**Phil:** Just got home around 9ish

Dan released the breath he was holding in. He felt kind of crazy. Phil  _ just _ got home, of course he wouldn’t message Dan right away. He’s probably tired from travelling.

**Dan:** Can I come see you tomorrow?

**Phil:** Um

Dan’s emotions have been all over the place tonight. That “um” brought him back down to that sinking feeling.

**Phil:** I’ll text you when to come ‘round

**Dan:** Okay cool

He was just going to leave it at that. But he needed to tell Phil one more thing. Something friends could say when they haven’t seen each other in a while, right?

**Dan:** Missed you

He was prepared for Phil not to respond. It wasn’t something they said to each other, mainly because they saw each other frequently. But this had been the longest they’ve been apart since they started hanging out.

**Phil:** I missed you too

Dan smiled stupidly at his phone. Phil had missed him. He could have just missed him as a friend, but regardless, reading those words filled Dan with such glee. This school girl crush he had was a little embarrassing and he was glad no one was seeing him try to cover his grin with a sweater paw.

He set his phone beside him on the bed for easy access. He kept his ringer on instead of silencing it. Dan wanted to be prepared for Phil’s notification. Right now, there was no way he could shut his eyes and fall asleep, but he knew his elation would exhaust him at some point.

  
  


3 hours. That was the amount of time his body allowed him to rest. His thoughts went from feeling overjoyed to feeling uncertain. Worry about rejection flooded his mind. What would he do if he poured his heart out to Phil only to find out Phil didn’t feel the same way? His nerves were inducing his stomach to feel uneasy. It kind of felt like he was going to be sick. But that could just be all the alcohol he consumed last night.

Dan placed his bare feet on the cool wooden floor. He marched over to the kitchen to gulp down a cold glass of water and some ibuprofen. He was drinking his second glass when he heard his phone go off. Dan sped to his bedroom so quick, he’s pretty sure he’s never moved that fast in his life.

**Phil:** Come over at around 2  

It was only 9 AM. He had 5 hours to kill. 5 hours to rehearse what he wanted to say to Phil. 5 hours to obsess over every possible scenario that could happen. If he had a daisy right now, he knows he’d be doing that “he loves me, he loves me not” shit.

Dan decided to do his daily tasks as leisurely as possible. He scrubbed every inch of his skin in the shower until he smelled like the ocean air, but only after he got himself off to the memory of Phil wearing his clothes. He changed his outfit about 15 times, wanting to look his absolute best. Nothing was satisfying him. He began to think he looked unattractive in every piece of clothing he owned. He settled for a long, black hoodie with black skinny jeans. 

By the time he was completely ready, it was only 1:15 PM.  _ I could probably just leave now, it’ll take some time to head over there and Phil is probably just lounging about at home anyway _ , he thought. So he grabbed his phone, keys, and wallet and headed off to the tube. He walked slowly, trying not to break a sweat. Only Dan Howell would be decked in black, head to toe, in the middle of June.

The playlist he chose for his trip was titled ‘Pop Love Songs’ - how fitting. “I Really Like You” by Carly Rae Jepsen blasted in his ears, causing him to bop along and dumbly smile at how much he related to it. He probably looked like a lunatic. He was just a freakishly tall lad grinning to himself.

Dan arrived at Phil’s door 20 minutes later. He took a deep breath before doing a triple knock. After a minute, there was still no answer. He knocked again, more loudly this time. Maybe Phil was in the toilet and couldn’t hear him. After a third attempt with no response, he pressed his ear against the door to hear if there was any sound of movement.

“Oh no, you’re early,” Phil spoke unexpectedly from behind him. Dan jumped at the sound.

He turned around and saw Phil’s arms occupied with 2 gold foil balloons - a ‘2’ and a ‘6’ - and a bakery box.

“Phil, you did not get me something,” Dan whined.

“Of course I did! It’s your birthday,” he said, smiling at Dan, as soon as he was stood beside him.

“Not for another 2 days,” Dan moaned.

“Shh. Would you mind reaching into my pocket to grab my key? Or you could just hold this..” Phil trailed off. 

“Y-yeah, I can grab the key,” Dan answered straight away before Phil could hold out the cake for him to carry. 

His hand shakily reached out as Phil angled his left hip upwards towards him. He inserted his fingers with gentle force as Phil’s skinny jeans provided some resistance. Dan could feel the smoothness of Phil’s thigh through the thin barrier of fabric as he fished for the key. Times like these, he was grateful at how skinny jeans fit snugly on the human body. The warmth of Phil’s body heat was almost like a painful burn - a reminder that this could go awry and that would be the only time he’d touch Phil in a non-friendly manner. He speedily pulled his hand out once his fingers latched the metal keyring. 

“Would you?” Phil asked. He used his head to gesture for Dan to open the door.

Dan inserted the key into the lock and opened the door. Phil placed the cake in the fridge and tied the balloons onto the back of a chair.

“I almost lost the ‘2’ on the way here. Then you would’ve just been turning 6, your true age,” Phil joked.

Dan let out a small smile. He couldn’t find it in himself to enjoy this moment until he said everything on his mind.

“Phil..” Dan started, hesitantly.

Phil’s smile faded once he saw the serious look on Dan’s face. A faint frown replacing it.

“Can we just enjoy your birthday first, please?” The look in his eyes added onto his plea.

Dan nodded, feeling defeated. He didn’t want to lay it all on the line if Phil wasn’t ready to hear it. Clearly there were some things that needed to be resolved before Dan could spill his heart out with the guarantee that it wouldn’t be crushed into pieces.

Phil’s chipper smile returned on his face. It just added onto Dan’s confusion. It was so easy for  Phil to switch his emotions. Phil’s avoidance on the topic made Dan doubt that Phil had any romantic feelings for him. He was still a complicated man to understand, but Dan was determined to find out the truth.

Phil snuck off to his bedroom corner and fished out some poorly wrapped gifts from under his bed. 

“Did you wrap this yourself?” Dan asked as Phil placed the box on the dining table.

He stared at the black with gold stars wrapping paper that dressed up 2 rectangular boxes - one small and one tall. There were many rips and a great amount of sellotape surrounding both packages. It was as if Phil used it to bandage them up like they were wounded. Dan was sure it would take a while for him to open them up when the time came.

“It’s the best I’ve ever wrapped a gift,” Phil confessed, smiling proudly at his accomplishment.

Dan laughed loudly. “Remind me to teach you how to gift wrap next time.”

“Hey,” Phil said as he shoved Dan’s arm lightly with a grin on his face, “I worked hard on that. Besides, it’ll just get ripped off anyway.”

“You have a point,” Dan agreed.

“I think you should open them.” Phil slid the present closer towards Dan. The expression on his face looked eager to watch Dan’s reaction.

“Right now? I feel like we should save it for when we have the cake and stuff,” Dan proposed.

“You’re no fun.” Phil pouted at him.

Suddenly Phil winced and held his side.

“Are you alright?” Dan voiced his concern immediately.

“Yeah,” Phil responded as he pulled the chair out and sat down slowly, “Think I just got a cramp from walking too fast to get back here on time.”

Dan seated himself beside him. His brows were furrowed as he spoke, “Okay. As long as that’s all it is.”

“So will you please open the gifts for all my trouble?” Phil used his pain to guilt trip him.

“Fine,” Dan rolled his eyes as he lifted the smaller box.

He shook it and held it next to his ear to listen. “Just in case you secretly hate me and it’s a bomb,” he joked.

“How did you know?” Phil feigned shock.

Dan chuckled, “Shut up.”

He began to feel for the edges of the tape. His lack of long fingernails making it extremely difficult to lift the strips. Eventually he was using his teeth to tear through the layers. The exposed part of the box that he could see read “Canon” and he stopped trying to unwrap the gift just to gape at Phil.

“No, Phil, you did not…” He was speechless.

“I may have,” Phil said mischievously.

“Phil.. I can’t. This is too much,” Dan could feel tears of happiness wanting to expel from his eyes.

He continued to open the gift until the rest of the camera’s box was unveiled. Phil had bought him a camera and a really good quality one that probably cost him more than he should have spent.

“I wanted you to have the best of the best when you start making videos.”

Dan reached an arm over and pulled Phil into a hug. “Thank you, Phil. Really. This is probably the best gift I’ve ever received.”

He felt Phil’s arms lock around his back. If Dan had it his way, he wouldn’t let go. But he pulled away after the appropriate amount of seconds. His body was still turned towards Phil so Phil could see his appreciative wide smile. Phil’s grin was just as big as he stared back at Dan.

“Don’t worry about opening the other one, it was kind of painful watching you open the first gift, sorry. But it’s just a tripod anyway,” Phil said.

“Phil..” Dan just looked at him earnestly. 

He didn’t feel deserving of these gifts. They were way too expensive to be given to him. But he knew if he refused them, Phil wouldn’t allow it. 

“Thank you,” he said as he rested his hand on top of Phil’s.

Phil quietly gasped as he pulled his hand away reflexively before softly saying, “anytime.”

Dan felt the rejection to his core. His smile disappeared and an apologetic look displayed on his face for making Phil feel uncomfortable. Phil gave him a sad smile that Dan didn’t know how to interpret.

Phil excused himself to grab the cake from the fridge so they couldn’t let the awkward air between them linger.

“Don’t feel like you have to sing happy birthday,” Dan said when Phil returned with the cake’s candles lit.

“You don’t want to hear my beautiful singing voice?” Phil asked, pretending to be offended.

The tension from moments before was entirely forgotten once Dan saw what Phil had written on the red velvet cake. “HBD Danny Boy” caused Dan to laugh out loud and call Phil “a little fucker” as Phil giggled at his reaction. 

It was strange to Dan how easy it was for the two of them to carry on as if things didn’t happen. Near kisses and faint touches could never keep them from wanting to be in each other’s presence and laugh together. It was an odd level of comfort Dan didn’t understand.

“Okay, okay. Make a wish and blow them out before the wax drips onto the cake,” Phil said, trying to settle down from laughing.

Dan looked at Phil fondly as he thought,  _ I wish I knew how you felt about me _ , before blowing the flames out. 

  
  


“Why don’t you tell me about your week?” Dan suggested as he forked some cake into his mouth.

He wanted to know what Phil was up to while he was gone. If they weren’t going to talk about feelings, he at least wanted to hear about Phil and his family. He wanted to know everything he could about Phil.

“It was good. I just spent some time with my parents. Played a lot of board games, watched some movies. Just kind of felt like I needed my mum’s cooking and motherly advice.” 

“Sounds well-needed. I know you said you don’t get to go home as much, so I’m glad you went.”

Dan couldn’t imagine not hopping over to your parents house whenever you needed their comfort. He didn’t know what he would do if he couldn’t head to Joe and Helen’s whenever he had a problem they could help him solve. He started to feel a little guilty for not visiting their house in a while, especially since they lived so close. Dan saw Joe every week, but he knew that Helen missed seeing his face and he missed her heart-warming embraces and guidance.

“I’m glad too,” Phil replied, “How was your week?”

“Not particularly interesting. Well actually..” Dan began.

He figured he could tell Phil about his feelings at this moment. He’d start with the events leading up to his realisation. 

“Addy took me out yesterday for my birthday. Then Elliott happened to be there.”

Dan observed Phil’s face at the mention of Elliott. He wanted to see if he’d react after what Phil told him at the party. Phil’s expression looked like he was trying hard to focus. A bit of a grimace forming. 

Dan continued, “Then from there it’s kind of funny. I went back to his place after and..”

Phil suddenly turned his body in the opposite direction of Dan and unexpectedly got sick on the floor. Dan instantly stopped speaking and placed a hand on Phil’s back. He began to rub up and down Phil’s spine as worry began to form in his mind.

Phil sat back up and hurriedly grabbed a napkin off the table to wipe his mouth. A look of pain still evident on his face as he apologized under his breath for the state he was in.

“Are you okay? I’ll get you some water.” Dan got up to head to the kitchen and grab a glass of cold water. He took the roll of paper towel off of Phil’s kitchen wall to clean up the mess.

“Not so sure if it’s a cramp anymore,” Phil declared as he grabbed onto his side and hunched over.

Dan knew exactly what was happening and called for an ambulance. He instructed Phil to lie down on his sofa until they came and placed a trash can beside him in case he threw up again. Dan tidied up the vomit on the floor quickly so it wouldn’t dry and stink up Phil’s flat while they were at the hospital.

This day wasn’t turning out like he thought it would at all. But he was just grateful that he was there with Phil so he wouldn’t deal with this alone.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave you guys hanging after yesterdays ending. I'm not a savage ;)

The ride to the hospital was quick, thankfully. Dan knew Phil was trying not to show the pain on his face, but every so often he’d suck in a deep breath as he tried not to wince. There wasn’t much the paramedics could do for him during the trip. Painkillers could cause his situation to worsen, so he had to endure it.

Dan sat in the waiting room as they instantly took Phil in for an abdominal ultrasound. His large hand tightly holding onto his and Phil’s phones. Phil was gone long enough for Dan to reminisce on why he knew exactly what was happening with Phil.

  


_Dan was 14 when he was joking around with Jake in the living room. They were eating way too many slices of pizza. In the span of just minutes, Jake was laughing and then he was abruptly chucking up his undigested pizza. He was then moaning about pain in the right lower quadrant of his abdomen. Dan panicked and thought maybe Jake ate too much pizza or something. He dialed Joe’s work number and told him what happened. Joe instructed him to call the ambulance and stated he’d meet them at the hospital._

_“Do you know what’s wrong with him?” Dan asked the paramedic, Ren, as he rode along with them._

_“I can’t be 100% certain, but it is very likely that his appendix is causing this,” Ren responded._

_“Is it serious?” Dan’s voice sounded frightened._

_“It can be. You did a good thing by calling us right away!”_

_Dan sat there staring at Jake helplessly. He wasn’t contorted with agonizing pain, but he knew it hurt him enough to be tucking his knees to his chest. He was freaked out at the thought of potentially losing his best friend._

  


“Are you here with Philip Lester?” a peppered haired man with tanned skin in a white coat asked him, distracting him from his memory.

“Yes,” Dan stood up to be at eye level with him, although he towered over him a couple inches.

“I’m Dr. Mennon.” The doctor held out his hand to shake Dan’s.

“Dan.”

“How are you related to him?”

“I’m his friend.”

“Ah okay. You came here with him?”

“Yes,” Dan answered impatiently. He just wanted the doctor to confirm what he already knew and see Phil.

“Okay so Mr. Lester has appendicitis, which is when your appendix is infected. Luckily he arrived here just in time before it actually ruptured. We will need to take him in for a minor surgery via laparoscopy to remove it, which won’t take very long unless there are complications. We do this surgery practically daily so he’s in good hands. We’ve explained all of this to him and he’s understood the info. Feel free to head over to room 12 to see him and collect his personal belongings.”

“Thank you,” Dan said as he began to walk over to the curtained room Phil was in.

“Phil?” Dan asked quietly to make sure he was about to pull back the correct curtain and that Phil was decent.

“Dan?”

He slowly drew the curtains left with his fingers. The metal hoops scraped against the metal rod, producing a sound that made him cringe. When Dan laid eyes on Phil, he was dressed in a light blue hospital gown with a dark blue diamond print.

“Look how stylish I am,” Phil joked and gave him a soft smile.

Dan returned a tiny grin. He was happy to see Phil in a lively state despite the ache he felt.

“You ready for the surgery?”

Phil nodded. “I’m excited to get some battle scars.”

Dan walked over to the table beside Phil and began to collect his removed clothes. A nurse came by to check if Phil was ready and handed Dan a plastic bag to put his belongings in.

“Hey, Dan..” Phil faintly said as his stretcher was being wheeled out to head to the operating room. Dan felt Phil’s cold, clammy fingers grip onto his forearm and felt his blue eyes bore into his.

Somehow Dan knew Phil wanted to say something sentimental. As much as he would love to hear something raw and real from Phil, it wasn’t the right time for this.

“It’s okay, Phil. We’ll talk when you’re better.”

Phil nodded and Dan put his hand over Phil’s reassuringly before he let him go off. Phil didn’t pull away this time.

He watched Phil disappear down the hall through a set of automatic doors on the left. Even though he knew Phil would be fine, that feeling of thinking you’re about to lose your best friend all over again kicked in.

  


Dan wandered over to the hospital’s cafeteria. He needed caffeine in his system so he could stay awake to hear any news. His 3 hours of sleep plus the excessive worrying was wearing him thin.

When he settled in a small corner of the waiting room that wasn’t occupied by many people, he pulled out Phil’s phone. He remembered to get Phil to remove his passcode before heading into surgery. Dan scrolled through Phil’s contacts until he found “Mum.”

Dan knew how close Phil was with his parents. He was trying to figure out how to tell them Phil was having minor surgery without them freaking out about their baby boy. He drew in a deep breath before clicking “call”.

“Child,” a woman’s chipper voice sounded.

“Hi, Mrs. Lester?” He asked carefully.

The tone of her voice switched to worry. Dan forgot he was using Phil’s phone so she was expecting Phil’s voice to be on the other end. “Yes? Who is this? Is Phil okay?”

“I’m not sure if Phil’s ever mentioned me, but my name is Dan.”

“Oh yes, the boy from the coffee shop. Is everything okay?”

“Phil is currently having very minor surgery done. His appendix became infected so they’re doing a routine surgery to remove it. He should be done within an hour and he’ll be perfectly fine afterwards. But I just wanted to let you know.” Dan felt like he said all of that in one breath.

“Oh dear.” There was silence on her end as she processed the information. “Will you please keep me up to date with his progress? If I were closer I would be there in a heartbeat. Tell him me and his father will come see him during the week.”

“Yes, of course!”

“Thank you, Dan. He’s told me a lot about you. Please take care of my boy for me.”

“I would never let anything hurt him,” Dan said truthfully.

He wished he had interacted with Phil’s mum for the first time under better circumstances. She sounded as sweet as she did in Phil’s stories.

Next he rang Martyn.

“Let me know what room he’s in when he’s out of surgery,” Martyn said after Dan told him the situation.

“For sure.”

“Thank you for being there with him.”

“Always,” Dan replied.

Within the span of a month, he really couldn’t imagine not being by Phil’s side. No matter where their relationship lied after they finally have the talk they so desperately needed, he still couldn’t picture his world without Phil Lester in it. Dan began to nervously chewed at the skin around his nails. He thought about his favourite memories with Phil and didn’t want to feed into his imagination of what life would be like without him.

  


A hand gently shook his shoulder. Dan blinked a few times until his vision became clear and he saw Dr. Mennon in HD. Instead of his white coat, he was now dressed in teal scrubs.

“Sorry to wake you. Just wanted to let you know that Mr. Lester’s surgery went well. He’s just in the recovery room right now being monitored. A nurse will come fetch you when he’s transferred into a vacant room so you can go be with him. He will have to stay overnight just to make sure everything is a-okay.”

“Alright. Thank you so much, Dr. Mennon.”

“Of course,” he answered before heading back through the doors towards the OR.

Dan checked the time on his phone and noted that he had been asleep for 2 and a half hours. He felt refreshed from his nap, despite sleeping in an uncomfortable chair, and ready to see Phil.

  


After anxiously waiting another 45 minutes, a nurse named Wendy approached him. She took him down a random hallway until he was reunited with a napping Phil on a stretcher. They were being escorted by a porter to Phil’s room for the night. They entered a lift and proceeded to the 2nd floor. The receiving nurse, Seth, greeted them in room 2022 and got Phil settled in.

Phil had woken up at some point during the transport and looked up to give Dan a sleepy smile. Seth inspected Phil’s incisions. He showed the two of them the three, tiny slits that surrounded his belly button. At the moment, they were covered with tape until they healed up. Phil was disappointed he didn’t receive any stitches.

Once Seth was finished assessing Phil and made sure they had everything they needed, it was then just Dan and Phil alone in the room.

“Do you remember anything from the surgery?” Dan asked when he could tell Phil was more awake. His eyes were wider and more observant of his surroundings. He was sat in a chair at the foot of the bed while Seth inspected Phil and made sure he wasn’t in pain.

“Before I drifted off, I heard Justin Timberlake just singing ‘LoveStoned’. And then I was really warm when I woke up from the surgery. Think they said I had a mild fever, but it was normal. And I also had to pee really bad, but no one was in the room with me.”

Dan just chuckled fondly at Phil’s recollection.

“I should probably call your parents and Martyn and let them know you’re okay. Martyn wanted to come see you when you got a room.” Dan began to get up on his feet.

“Wait, Dan..” Dan looked at Phil and sat back down again.

Were they going to have The Talk?

“Sorry.”

“What are you sorry about, Phil?” Dan asked surprised.

“Sorry I didn’t let you finish your story before all of this.” Phil lifted his arms and waved them around to indicate the appendicitis situation. “I’m happy for you and Elliott. I know you’ve liked him for a while now. I’m also sorry you have to waste a day of your birthday weekend here.”

 _Oh no_ , Dan thought, _Phil thinks something happened with Elliott_.

“Phil.. I didn’t get to finish that story properly.”

“Oh sorry,” was all he said.

“Stop saying ‘sorry’ you spork. Long story short, I didn’t get with Elliott. He was actually a giant cunt. Also, I realized I had feelings for somebody else and I need to live my truth.”

Phil just looked at him sort of confused. It was evident he wasn’t piecing it together like Dan hoped.

“You, Phil. I realized I had, well _have_ , feelings for you.”

Phil’s eyes widened. Dan was sure they could pop out of his head, they were so big. His mouth was also slightly open like he wanted to say something, but was just speechless.

“What did you want to tell me before you went for your surgery?” Dan asked.

He was hoping Phil would give him answers that would set his heart at ease.

“I.. I wanted to tell you that I was sorry I tried to kiss you at the party, but I don’t regret doing it.”

Dan could see how nervous Phil was at expressing himself. He could tell this was new territory for him.

“I wanted to kiss you too, just so you know,” Dan declared.

Phil blushed at Dan’s admittance. Dan watched as Phil adorably looked down at his lap and smiled to himself.

“So do you?” Dan asked as he scooted his chair closer to the head of Phil’s bed.

“Do I what?” Phil asked, lost.

“Do you like me too?”

“That wasn’t clear?” Phil was genuinely shocked.

“You’re a hard man to read, Phil Lester,” Dan laughed.

“I guess I was too good at trying to hide how I felt,” he smiled apologetically.

“Maybe I was just too daft.”

Dan grabbed Phil’s hand slowly. He made eye contact with Phil to make sure it was okay. They sat quietly for a bit with their eyes interlocked and their fingers intertwined. They were getting to know how they fit between the spaces of the others’ hand. Dan was tracing the lines of Phil’s palm when Phil let out a yawn.

“Tired?” Dan asked.

Phil lazily nodded. He looked drowsy and ready to shut his eyes.

“I’m going to go make some phone calls to your family and let them know you’re alright.”

Dan stood up. He placed a kiss on the back of Phil’s hand before letting go. Then he brushed some of the hair off of Phil’s forehead before bending over and placing a kiss there too.

“You get some sleep.”

  


Dan called Phil’s parents first to let them know he was okay. They were thrilled to hear the news. Phil’s mum, Kathryn, told Dan they would be coming on Wednesday and that they absolutely had to meet him. Dan grinned through the phone at how excited he was to meet the people who raised Phil.

Next up, he informed Martyn about which room Phil was in. He told Dan he’d be coming to see him within the next hour or so.

He had one more call to make.

“Hello.”

“Hey Joe, it’s Dan.”

“Daniel, enjoying your birthday weekend?” Joe asked happily.

“In a way, yes. I wanted to ask if I could have Monday off. My friend, Phil, just got out of surgery and I just wanted to help out any way I can.”

“Daniel, I was going to give you the day off anyway. It’s your birthday, I’m not going to make you work.”

“Thanks Joe, I really appreciate it.”

“I hope your friend is okay. Next weekend, Helen wants you to come over to have a birthday dinner. You can bring him too.”

“I’d like that. Thank you!”

“Okay. I’ll call you Monday to greet you properly. Take care, son.”

  


When Dan got back to the room, Phil was still asleep. Watching him look so peaceful made Dan feel all warm inside. Phil liked him the same way he liked Phil. He was excited about how their relationship would grow. Just seeing him right now, Dan felt all giddy about the idea of waking up next to Phil and getting to see his messy hair and bright blue eyes staring into his brown ones.

Dan was browsing on his phone when Martyn and Cornelia stepped into the room. Dan placed his hand on Phil’s arm to shake him awake.

“Martyn’s here,” Dan whispered to him once his eyes opened.

Dan let them talk and stepped out of the room once again. He was quickly introduced to Cornelia before he departed. Dan was instantly taken by her delightful personality and bright red hair.

He grabbed some dinner at the cafeteria - a veggie burger with a side of sweet potato fries. After he refueled himself, he headed back over to Phil’s room. He caught Martyn and Cornelia just as they were about to leave the ward.

“Will you be staying with him overnight?” Martyn asked.

“Yeah. Wanted to make sure he had company.”

“Thank you, Dan. That’s really nice of you to do,” Martyn smiled at him.

“I’d do anything for him,” Dan stated.

Martyn patted his shoulder and Cornelia gave him a quick hug before they parted ways.

  


Phil was smiling at him when he came back.

“You fully awake now?” Dan questioned.

“Yes!” Phil responded with enthusiasm.

“Anything you need me to get you? Books? Magazine?”

“Nope, got my phone. You should get home though. It’s getting late.”

“Nu-uh Phil Lesty. I’m staying right here.”

“Yeah?” Phil asked a bit in disbelief. As if everything that’s happened today was unreal and one giant dream.

“Yeah. I’m afraid you’re kind of stuck with me,” Dan beamed.

He held his hand out for Phil to slip his into. This small action, something that may seem insignificant to others, was a big step for them. Their hands clasped together, a symbol of their newfound unity. An indication of their strong feelings for each other. The start of something that felt indestructible.

Even though they still had a lot to discuss and a lot to learn about each other. Dan knew there would be so much time for that. Now that they were done wasting time denying what they wanted, they now had infinity to give into each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fact: 'LoveStoned' was actually the last thing I heard before going under the knife for my own appendectomy lol


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted a chapter last Wednesday in case you missed it!

Dan began to stretch his arms out. He lifted his head that had been resting on his arms and released a yawn. 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” someone said, amused.

His confused face turned in the direction of the voice. Despite his eyes only being half open, the corners of his lips raised up once he remembered who it was. The raspiness of Phil’s voice from just waking up was a new sound to Dan’s ears. A sound he wished he could listen to on loop.

“How’d you sleep?” Dan asked once his eyes adjusted to the sunlight pouring into the room.

“Alright. I woke up about an hour ago because my hand felt numb.”

Dan looked down at the hand he was referring to. It was the side Dan was sitting on. He realized he must have fell asleep holding onto Phil’s hand, then crushed it with his arms.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” He grabbed Phil’s hand and started gently massaging it, even though he’s regained circulation already.

“It’s okay,” Phil smiled, “If I ever had to lose my hand for some unknown reason, I wouldn’t mind if the last thing I did with it was hold your hand.”

Dan just laughed at his sappiness, then Phil joined in too. It was funny how crossing the line from friends into something more didn’t feel weird to them. They spent so much time feeling awkward and denying how they felt about each other that they had no time to feel uncomfortable about showing how much they cared now.

Phil slowly yanked his hand away from Dan’s grip, only to place his fingers on Dan’s face.

“I think your face is in worse condition,” Phil chuckled as his thumb grazed over his cheek.

Dan lifted his own hand to his face and felt indentations from his shirt’s sleeves. He groaned because he knew the marks would be on display for at least a few hours. 

A knock on the door startled both of them and a woman came in to deliver a tray of breakfast for Phil. Dan’s eyes gazed at the clock on the wall next to the television, which read 8:30 AM. While Phil dug into his porridge and toast, Dan took the time to head to the toilet and freshen up. He made do with the mouthwash a nurse provided for them last night when they realized they didn’t have toothbrushes. 

After splashing his face with some warm water to wake him up more and trying to rub away the red markings, Dan picked up breakfast for himself. A pistachio almond muffin and a cup of coffee returned with him. When he re-entered the room, Phil was missing from the bed. His mind was ready to jump to bad conclusions that something happened and they rushed him off somewhere, but then he heard the toilet flush. 

He placed his breakfast down on the tray table next to Phil’s half eaten food. He didn’t want to sit just yet until Phil safely walked back to his bed so he went and stood next to the bathroom door just in case Phil needed assistance. When Phil opened it, he was startled when he saw Dan.

He gasped, “Didn’t think you’d be back yet.”

“Are you good with making your way back?” Dan asked, concerned.

Phil had one hand on his IV pole and the other gripping onto the backside of his gown.

“Yeah, should be. Just um, maybe don’t stare at my back when I walk past you. These gowns don’t tie properly,” he said sheepishly.

Dan just smirked. “I’ll try my best not to.”

Phil started ambulating across the room slowly. He nearly made it to his bed, but Dan’s chair was obstructing the path of his pole. Without thinking, he released his handle on both the pole and his gown to push the chair out of the way. Dan could do nothing but stare at Phil’s nude bottom peeking through the slit in his gown. Phil’s hand quickly pulled at the fabric to cover the exposed area, his cheeks flushed red as he looked over to see Dan’s face grinning at him.

“You promised!” He uttered.

“I’m sorry!” Dan tried not to laugh at Phil’s embarrassment. He rushed over to stand in front of Phil. “You have a very adorable rut though.”

Dan smiled at Phil’s flustered face and pulled him into a comforting embrace. He heard the sound of Phil letting out a soft laugh in his ear and felt the breath of it on his neck. It caused him to shiver a bit because of how sensitive the area was for him. What he didn’t feel was Phil placing his own arms around him.

“I’d hug you back, but I’d rather not show my butt again,” Phil said, as if reading Dan’s thoughts.

“Do you want to put your pants back on?” Dan suggested.

“I think covering up with the blanket’s okay for now. Not sure if putting them back on is alright with the nurses.”

Dan chuckled as he released Phil so he could sink down into his bed. He seated himself in the chair and remembered his muffin and coffee. He was starving when he came back into the room, but his hunger had seemed to subside in favour of paying all of his attention on Phil.

“How was the porridge?” Dan asked as he nibbled on his muffin.

“Um, good? I don’t really think porridge differs in taste much from place to place,” Phil quipped.

“You’re right. It really doesn’t,” Dan laughed.

Dan scarfed down the rest of his muffin as Phil finished his remaining food. They ate in comfortable silence, sharing the small rectangular table. Dan was pleasantly amazed by Phil’s ability to consume every type of jam provided for him on his toast. 

  
  


A nurse entered the room to check on Phil’s vitals and incision. They were supposed to come in earlier, but they were understaffed and running behind. Dan stepped behind the closed curtain so Phil could have some privacy without Dan eyeing his body. When everything was within normal range, the nurse informed them that Dr. Mennon would be coming by shortly to see if Phil’s all set to go home.

“Does it hurt a lot?” Dan asked as he sat down again.

“More than yesterday, yeah. But the Tylenol they’ve been giving me helps dull it.”

Phil shut his eyes and sank his head back into the pillow. It was evident to Dan that it was aching more than he let on. Dan hated that there really wasn’t much he could do to help. Keeping Phil talking seemed to be a good distraction.

“Have any interesting dreams last night?”

“I think it was a dream.. I sort of remember being told someone had a crush on me, but I can’t remember who it was,” Phil teased.

“Oh yeah? I bet it was someone handsome,” Dan played along.

“Nah. Must’ve been someone mediocre if I forgot what they looked like.”

Dan laughed, “Hey! I hope I’m an unforgettable face.”

“Trust me, you are,” Phil smiled.

Dr. Mennon stormed in as the boys grinned fondly at each other.

“Sorry to interrupt. But good morning, Mr. Lester. How are we feeling today?”

“Pretty good. Just a bit of pain where they cut in, but that’s normal right?”

“Yes sadly. I can send you home with a prescription of some good pain killers if the pain’s too much. I’m just gonna check your incision to make sure it’s not infected.”

“I’ll just step out..” Dan began to get out of his chair.

“It’s okay, Dan,” Phil said this time around.

He locked eyes with Phil to make sure it really was alright for him to stay. Phil nodded.

Dr. Mennon lifted Phil’s gown upward, while carefully using the blanket to cover his lower region. He’d seen Phil’s bare stomach yesterday when the nurse checked the area, but he wasn’t sure if Phil was feeling self-conscious about Dan seeing his body today now that their status was changing. He hoped Phil knew that he thought every inch of his body was perfection without even having to see it.

Dan saw the dark hair that trailed below his belly button contrasted against his pale skin. He saw the shaved areas that were sealed with tape on his flat, but soft abdomen. Once Phil was healed up, Dan knew his stomach would be one of his favourite places to lay his hands on.

“Everything sounds good,” Dr. Mennon said after listening to Phil’s bowel sounds with his stethoscope. 

The doctor proceeded to inspect the area to ensure there was no excessive bleeding or discharge. He then palpated around to check for anything that felt abnormal.

“The tape should fall off naturally over time. Try not to get it too wet. I’d suggest showering with your back facing the stream. Aside from that, looks like you’re ready to go home, Mr. Lester. I’ll have the nurse start your discharge. Any questions?”

Phil shook his head and thanked him. He clearly looked ready to just be back in the comfort of his flat.  

  
  


It was around noon once they were finally done with the paperwork. The nurse came in to do the final step of disconnecting Phil from the IV. Once he was free of his line, he donned on his clothes from yesterday.

“I wish I was wearing sweatpants. I can’t button my jeans and now my fly won’t stay up.”

“Your fly is always down anyway,” Dan joked.

“Not intentionally!” Phil defended.

Dan checked around to make sure they didn’t forget anything. The nurse re-entered the room with a wheelchair.

“Sorry, I know you can walk, but just as a precaution we like our patients to make their way to the lobby in a wheelchair after they’ve had surgery.”

“Oh okay..” Phil said unsurely as he awkwardly stumbled into the metal chair.

“You’re okay to push him?” The nurse asked Dan.

“Yeah, for sure.”

“Great! Have a good day, you boys.”

“Thank you so much, Leslie!” Phil spoke.

“Ready?” Dan asked after Leslie departed.

“I don’t know if I trust you at the wheel, Danny.”

“You’ll be fine you big baby. I won’t go fast, unless the hall is empty,” Dan let out a small evil laugh.

They made it safely to the main entrance. Phil only let out noises of fear once or twice when Dan ran them down vacant corridors. 

Dan hailed them a cab and they both made their way to Phil’s flat. He would look over to Phil every once in a while to make sure he was feeling okay.

  
  


Upon entering Phil’s flat, everything was right where they left it. The gold balloons still floating. The half used roll of paper towel still on the dining table. Thankfully Dan remembered to dispose of the trash before they went to the hospital so the smell of Phil’s vomit didn’t occupy the air.

“Do you want to head to bed?” 

Phil shook his head. “Kind of want to change and take a shower.”

He helped Phil pick out some sweatpants from the bottom drawer of his dresser because he couldn’t bend over. Dan was excited about getting to control his outfit, so blatantly he picked out black sweats and a black t-shirt.  

“I guess just let out a loud yelp if you need help.”

“I really hope I won’t have to.”

Dan shut the door so Phil could undress in private. He made sure to tell Phil not to lock it incase something goes wrong. As Phil showered, Dan went into the kitchen to fix them a quick lunch. 

Phil appeared in the kitchen, drying his hair with a towel, just as Dan finished putting together the BLTs. They took their sandwiches and sat in front of the telly as usual. They agreed upon watching some John Mulaney stand-up specials on Netflix, which caused Phil to laugh then wince many times. Laughing too hard was putting pressure on his lacerations. 

After the third special ended, it was late afternoon. Phil had fallen asleep on the sofa and Dan didn’t have it in him to wake him up. He collected their empty plates and washed them in the sink. When he returned to the living space, he knelt down beside Phil and tickled his cheek with a finger. 

“Philly. Do you want to move to your bed?”

Phil blinked a few times. “Hm? Sorry, how long was I out?”

“About an hour now.”

“What time is it?”

“Um, 5ish,” Dan answered after checking his phone.

“Mm, too early to go to bed. But you should get home so you can relax before work tomorrow. I bet you’re exhausted.”

“I took the day off.”

“What? Please don’t say because of me.”

“Well it’s also my birthday,” Dan smiled.

“Even worse, I don’t want you to have to spend it caged up in here.”

“I’m going to spend it with someone I really, really like.”

Dan lifted Phil’s head up so he could sit on the sofa. He placed Phil’s head down on his thighs and began playing with his hair.

“You too tired to talk?”

“Nope,” Phil answered.

Dan didn’t want to hold back and dove straight into questions he was always curious about.

“Was I the reason you always came into Joe’s?”

He watched as Phil blushed. He clearly wasn’t expecting the level of realness they were about to enter.

“Yes,” Phil mumbled.

“Really? Why?” Dan was genuinely surprised. He clearly didn’t pay attention to Phil like he should have. 

“I remember the first day I ever came in there, you were working. I was fumbling with my wallet then all of my change fell out and you actually went around the whole counter just to help me pick them up. Then you complimented my Undertale shirt and you didn’t seem to recognize who I was, which was nice. I don’t know, you were just a good guy with a pretty face who I wanted to get to know better..” he trailed off.

Dan was sad that he didn’t remember that encounter. He was too wrapped up in his infatuation with Elliott that he overlooked Phil every single time. Phil was a nice customer to talk to daily, but Dan never thought much of it.

He recalled the whole situation with Oliver. When Oliver told him some guy was always checking him out when he came in, he had thought it was Elliott, but it was Phil. He couldn’t go back in time and tell himself to take notice, but he was glad he was noticing now.

“I’m sorry I didn’t pick up on it sooner,” Dan apologized.

“I was just happy to be talking to you at all. If all I got was small talk as I bought my coffee, that was alright with me. If all you wanted was friendship, I was okay with that. I just liked knowing you were out there, if that makes sense. I didn’t think it’d turn out this way, to be honest.”

Dan’s heart was melting at Phil’s confession. Phil spoke as if he was undeserving of him, but in reality Dan was undeserving of Phil.  

“How did you figure it out? That you liked me?” Phil asked, his blue eyes looking up at him curiously.

“I spent a lot of time unknowingly fighting it and I wish I hadn’t. But the first time I can remember thinking I might be in trouble when it came to you was the first day we hung out and I was helping you film. I realized I could probably listen to you talk forever and never get tired of your stories. I didn’t want to acknowledge it was a crush because I figured you just wanted to be friends too.”

Phil let out a little laugh. “We were both trying to play it cool. The first time I succeeded at something and it’s a thing I shouldn’t have wanted to be successful at.”

Dan recounted the one day Phil and Elliott were both in the shop at the same time. The coldness of Phil’s demeanor and his confusion as to why. It was all adding up now.

“So that one day you were pissed at me was because you were jealous?”

“I didn’t know I could ever feel that way, but yeah, jealousy sucks.”

“Trust me, I’d be way worse.”

“Good thing you don’t have to worry about that then.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not exactly the kind of person people are attracted to.”

“Philip Michael Lester, have you read the comments on your videos? I would actually fight all those people if they weren’t hiding behind screens.”

Dan had no idea that Phil saw himself that way until now. He was determined to make sure Phil knew how captivating he looked until he believed it himself. 

  
  


They continued talking until Dan’s stomach began to grumble. Their conversation redirected into lighter topics. After ranking their favourite animes, Phil ordered them a pizza like he had the first night they hung out. 

It was 8 PM when Phil started feeling sleepy and couldn’t keep his eyes open. Dan got him up and tucked him into bed.

“I’ll crash on the couch. Don’t want to risk hitting you in the stomach or anything.”

Phil just sleepily nodded. 

It was still too early for Dan to sleep, so he decided to hop in the shower. He had been wearing the same clothes for the past 2 days and probably didn’t smell the freshest. He borrowed some clothes from Phil, knowing that he wouldn’t mind. 

He killed the rest of his time watching Netflix with the volume lowered. He was unsure when he fell asleep until he heard someone calling out for him at 3 AM.

“Dan?”

Dan blinked then sat up straight away.

“Everything alright?” He asked once he was next to Phil.

“Just need some Tylenol. Hurts.” Phil pointed to his stomach.

Dan grabbed Phil a glass of water and shook a pill out of the bottle. He watched Phil swallow it before setting his glass on his bedside table.

“Anything else you need before I head back to the couch?”

“Could you just lie with me?”

“I move around in my sleep, Phil. I don’t want to hit your stomach.”

“Don’t care,” Phil said as he started lifting the blankets.

Dan slipped into the bed. Careful not to be too close to Phil because he was genuinely terrified of hurting him.

“My York sweater,” Phil smiled as he took notice of Dan’s outfit.

“Oh yeah. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Looks good on you,” Phil said as he snuggled close to Dan’s body.

Phil fell back asleep with his head pressed next to Dan’s shoulder. He had slipped his hand into Dan’s before drifting off. Dan stared down at Phil’s black hair. His mousy brown roots were starting to grow out causing him to wonder what it’d look like if he stopped dying his hair. There were lots of things about Phil he was excited to get to know. He felt his lids become heavy. He liked the warmth of Phil next to his body. He liked getting to do this and hoped it would be a regular thing.   
  


 

Dan opened his eyes and saw Phil’s arm wrapped around his torso. His face was angled upward so Dan could see his features clearly. Dan quietly chuckled because Phil’s face looked concerned when he slept. His brows were a bit slanted and his lips slightly pouted. Waking up to Phil was better than he could have ever imagined it.

Phil shifted and his blue eyes were soon peering into his. It was a moment that reminded Dan of the photobooth. Without putting much thought into it, Dan leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Phil’s. He didn’t care if they both had morning breath. All he cared about was not letting another moment escape them. Phil blushed, clearly taken aback by the kiss. He composed himself and took his hand to cup Dan’s cheek to properly kiss him back. This kiss lasted longer, but still remained tender and sweet. Nothing but warm lips.

“Happy birthday, Dan,” Phil said when they broke apart.

Dan’s eyes were still shut as he said it. He was in disbelief that they finally shared the kiss he’d been dreaming of since the party. If he was being honest, he had been wondering what it’d be like to kiss Phil since he stopped him from running into the street lamp all those weeks ago. When their chests bumped and Phil’s breath was felt on his skin.

They spent the day lazily. They ate, they cuddled, they kissed, they laid in each other’s arms as they watched movie after movie.

Dan received birthday messages from the people closest to him.

**Addy:** Happy birthday, babe. You need to tell me all about what went down with Elliott tomorrow. I’ve been dying to know. But enjoy your day off. Love you  <3

**Oli:** HBD M8!

Helen and Joe both rang him separately. 

He got a notification of a new email from Jake greeting him.

As Dan leaned back against the couch with Phil sat between his legs and leaning onto his chest, he thought that this was truly his best birthday yet. He was grateful for the people in his life. He had a great family, he had great friends, and he finally had someone he cared deeply about. He pressed a quick kiss onto the back of Phil’s neck and pulled him in closer, hoping this moment could last forever. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter was a bit crappy, idk why i had a hard time writing it. but i hope you enjoyed & let me know in the comments if you did bc i need that validation lol.


	13. Chapter 13

**Dan:** Would you hate me if I asked you to come in early tomorrow? Got a lot to tell you

**Addy:** I’m guessing this is a really good story, so I’ll be there

**Dan:** <3

Dan was settled in his own bed. It took everything in him to leave Phil alone in his flat, but he promised to return tomorrow. There was no way in hell he would spend another week without seeing Phil’s handsome face. Now that he could just reach out and touch him or kiss his lips, he was never going to let one moment go to waste.

The excitement would usually be enough to keep him wide awake and giddy, but his sleep throughout the whole weekend had been sporadic and atrocious. He drifted off easily and his favourite moments from the past few days infected his dreams.   
  


“Okay Howell, this better be good if I’m here so much earlier than I’d like to be,” Addy said as he stepped through the staff door. She looked well put together, despite the time of day.

“It is, I promise. Let me just put my stuff away.”

After he stashed his backpack in his locker, he sat in the soft plastic chair next to Adelaide.

“So how was sex with Elliott?” she asked curiously.

“I didn’t sleep with him.”

“Then what the fuck happened? You did leave with him, right?”

“Yeah, we went back to his penthouse. Very handsy guy he is. But yeah, I stopped him before we got any further than making out because it just didn’t feel right. He’s actually kind of a lying prick.”

“The story you’re telling me sounds sad, but your face looks really happy. What am I missing?”

“The fact that you were right.”

Addy’s face went from confused to bewildered when the light bulb finally went off in her head.

“Phil..?”

Dan nodded, smiling.

“Did you tell him? Does he know? Tell me everything before I say ‘I told you so’” 

“So I went over to his flat on Saturday to tell him. But he insisted on actually celebrating my birthday first. He bought me balloons and a cake,” he grinned as he reminisced the sweet gesture. “He also bought me an expensive ass camera and tripod. But besides that, all I got out was the fact that I went back to Elliott’s before we had to bring him to the hospital. Poor guy had to get his appendix taken out. Long story short, I got around to telling him and he feels the same way, and I spent the past few days at his place. And oh god, I feel all happy and gross at the same time.”

Addy’s smile grew wider and wider as Dan told the story.

“I’m so happy for you, Dan. I really really am. No one deserves to be as happy as you right now.”

It was rare for them to talk without meaningless insults. Genuine words from Addy’s mouth always filled Dan with the urge to tear up. He could see Addy’s eyes turn glossy and he could feel his were doing the same.

“Fuck, it’s too early to be crying like this,” he said as he wiped the tears with a finger.

“You’re telling me.” Addy mimicked the action, but with a tissue.

“How about you? Saw you with that girl on Friday.”

“Oh, yeah.. Her.” A faint blush appeared on her face. 

It was a reaction Dan only saw her do once before. When they first met, Addy was dating a guy named Sebastian. She was crazy about him and couldn’t help but smile whenever she spoke his name. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out with him like she had planned - Sebastian wanted to move to Germany, but Addy couldn’t leave behind her brother. Since that relationship ended, Addy found it hard to commit to anyone and enjoyed the casual perks of being single.

“Has Adelaide found somebody worthy of her?” Dan asked, intrigued.

“Her name is Charlotte. We spent the night just wandering around town when we left the club. She’s doing her final year at uni then she’s working on her masters in teaching. But yeah, I don’t know. Talking to her was so refreshing? Kind of made me want to head back to school.”

Dan was proud to hear these thoughts coming from Addy. The two of them had been lost souls just wandering this miserable earth - completely unsure of what they wanted to do. Listening to Addy sound hopeful about someone and something had Dan realizing that the two of them really were going to be okay.

“I’m so happy for you, Addy. Are you seeing her again?”

“Yeah, we’re meeting after her class today.”

“Look at us,” Dan snickered, “Kind of finally getting our shit together.”

Addy just smiled at him and leaned her head on his shoulder. They stayed this way until Joe came in and told them to get to work.

  
  


Dan was counting down the hours until he was back at Phil’s flat with his arms around his neck. He was daydreaming about kissing his forehead, his nose, his lips, his shoulders - essentially every inch of skin on his body. He was in such an elated mood that rude customers and spilling drinks on his apron weren’t negatively affecting his feelings like they usually would.

His back was facing the storefront when Addy whispered in his ear.

“Elliott’s just walked in. Want me to take over?”

Dan just smugly smiled and shook his head.

“You guys don’t have my drink ready again?” Elliott asked, annoyed.

“I think it’s probably best you start grabbing your coffee elsewhere,” Dan spat out.

“This is the closest cafe to my office. I’m not going somewhere else just because you missed your chance with me.”

Dan let out an amazed laugh and gave Addy a look that said ‘is this guy for real?’. 

“Just leave Elliott.”

“I will not be leaving. Who’s the manager here? I’d like to speak to them.”

Dan walked towards the back to grab Joe. He quickly made a trip to his locker to retrieve something he found in the car Elliott sent him home in.

“What is the problem here?” Joe asked Elliott.

“Your employee here is refusing to serve me for no reason.”

“I don’t know. I think frequently cheating on your wife behind her back is a pretty good reason not to,” Dan slid Elliott’s wallet across the counter.

He found it on the seat next to him during his trip. Inside, he saw a wedding photo of Elliott and his gorgeous wife. Tucked in the coin pouch was his wedding ring. Dan took a risk bringing it up because maybe they were separated so Elliott could do as he pleased. Or maybe their marriage had consensual arrangements allowing them to sleep with other people. Regardless, Dan figured he’d try his hand at this angle to keep Elliott from showing his face at Joe’s again.

Dan knew he hit a sore spot when Elliott yanked the wallet from the table while his face turned bright red. 

“Did you steal this?” He was outraged.

“Guess you shouldn’t have left it lying around in your car. Now leave. Clearly your wife doesn’t know what you’ve been up to and I won’t say a word if you don’t come back. Also, she deserves so much better than you.”

Elliott gave him a cold, hard look before storming out.

“Holy shit, Dan,” Addy uttered.

“That was better than any shit reality programming that’s on the telly,” Oli said. His eyes wide with excitement.

“That’s not Phil, right?” Joe asked nonchalantly, as if a giant scene didn’t just happen in his store.

“No way,” Dan responded.

“Thank god. Okay, everybody back to work.”

  
  


Dan re-enacted the whole situation to Phil after his shift. Phil sat on the couch with his mouth open, completely engrossed in Dan’s story. 

“I can’t believe you had a crush on that loser,” Phil giggled after Dan plopped on the sofa.

“And I can’t believe you kept the juiciest part to yourself this whole time!” He smacked his chest.

“Hey! I didn’t want to spread gossip around,” Dan said, defending his choice.

“Were you ever gonna return his wallet?”

“Yeah, I was going to drop it off in the lobby of his office. I’m not a thief, Phil.”

“Sure, you’re not,” Phil said under his breath.

“What have I stolen?”

Phil just smiled at him, holding in a laugh. Dan put his fingers on his temple and hid his face in disappointment.

“If you were going to say your heart, I swear I’m leaving,” he said, jokingly annoyed.

Phil snickered at Dan’s reaction. 

“You’re so fucking cheesy, Lester,” Dan rolled his eyes, but scooted closer next to Phil until he was leaning against his arm with his head on his shoulder.

“You love it.”

Dan looked him in the eyes while smiling fondly. “I do, I really do.”

He leaned in slowly and their lips collided. Their tongues danced around and explored each other’s mouths. If Phil wasn’t recovering from surgery, Dan would’ve flipped him onto his back in an instant and climbed on top of him. After several minutes, Phil ended their make out session. Dan hungrily chased his slightly swollen lips every time he tried to pull away, but was defeated after Phil dodged each attempt causing Dan to settle on placing kisses down his neck.

“I need to clean my flat. My parents get in early tomorrow morning,” Phil whined.

“I’ll help you,” Dan spoke between kisses.

“Dan,” Phil moaned, trying his absolute best to resist. “You need to stop or we won’t get it done.”

“What if I want to get  _ you _ done?”

Phil just stared at him like he just told him something embarrassingly funny - which he did.

“Oh my god, forget I said that,” Dan buried his face into the crook of Phil’s neck.

“I can’t, it’s engraving itself into my memories. One day they’re going to upload my brain onto a computer and everyone will hear that exact phrase and hysterically laugh in unison.”

“Alright, alright. Come on, I’m going to help you before I say anything else that’s dumb.”

Dan pulled away from Phil and started to get up from the couch, extending a hand to help Phil up.

“Aw, you’re such a nice boyfriend,” Phil teasingly said before suddenly looking horrified and covering his mouth.

Dan froze. Phil looked mortified, as if he believed he said something that Dan wasn’t ready to hear.  He was surprised Phil called him his boyfriend. It’s not that he didn’t want that label, it was just that they never fully discussed what they were. Dan, without a doubt, would love to call Phil his boyfriend, but he didn’t anticipate this situation happening without a proper conversation. It didn’t scare him though because Phil was somebody he could see himself committed to for life. 

He sat back down and gently took hold of Phil’s hand. “Is that what you want?”

Phil shyly nodded. When Dan flashed his teeth at him, Phil’s fearful look changed into one of happiness.

“Well, boyfriend, it’s time to get off your rut and start vacuuming.”

The two of them spent the rest of the evening tidying Phil’s flat so it was presentable for the Lesters. Multiple flirty glances and giggles were shared throughout the process. They even blasted the playlist Dan made Phil and used appliances as fake musical instruments as they sang to each other. When they were finished, they ordered a takeaway and ate it on the sofa before Dan had to depart for the night.

“I’ll be ‘round tomorrow after work.”

“Kath and Nigel are excited to meet you.”

“I’m excited to meet them too,” Dan said before he pecked Phil’s lips a few times, not wanting to stop. He eventually released his grip on Phil’s hips before walking away.

  
  


Dan took in a deep breath as he stood in front of Phil’s door the following day. In his hand was a bouquet of assorted flowers he picked up from a vendor on his way over. He was hoping he looked his absolute best before he met Phil’s parents. He wanted to make a good impression.

Before he could lift his fist to knock, the door opened and Phil was stood in front of him muffling a giggle.

“Sorry, I was watching you from the viewing hole. You texted me you’d be up minutes ago. Was just checking to see if you got trapped by Susan next door to talk about her sewing club.”

“Ha no. Just a little nervous, that’s all.” He wiped a sweaty palm on his jeans.

“Aw no, don’t be. My parents will love you. Come on,” Phil said as he grabbed his hand and lead him to the dining table.

Phil’s parents were sat with cups of tea in front of them. Dan wasn’t sure how he imagined they’d look like beforehand, but he noticed that Phil was the perfect blend of the two.

“Mum, Dad, this is Dan.”

Dan gave an awkward wave as he said ‘hello’. Kathryn got up from her seat and gave him a welcoming hug.

“Daniel so nice to finally meet you! Thank you for taking care of my boy.”

“Not a problem at all, Mrs. Lester! Oh, I picked these up for you,” he said when he remembered the flowers in his hand as they peeked out from behind her back during the embrace.

“Oh my, what a gentleman you are. Thank you, dear. And oh, just call me Kath.”

Phil’s dad stood up and reached over the table to shake Dan’s hand. He introduced himself as Nigel and also thanked him for watching out for Phil.

The three of them took a seat, while Phil grabbed a mug for Dan.

“How was your day at work?” Kathryn politely asked. 

“Quite mediocre actually. Couldn’t wait for it to be over,” he let out a small laugh as he poured tea into his cup.

“Back when I was around your age, I used to work at a cafe called Clementine’s. I can imagine you get quite the customers coming into your shop like I did.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe.”

Dan and Kathryn began to bond over their experiences with serving coffee. Nigel and Phil would occasionally contribute stories of events that have occurred when they’ve been queued up at cafes. The four of them continuously laughed until Kathryn pointed out the time.

“I should start on dinner. Phil, honey, what ingredients do you have?”

“Um,” Phil looked bashful. “I haven’t done a food shop in a while. There should be some chicken defrosting in the fridge.”

“I’ll let it slide this time, young man. You know how important it is to have a stocked fridge.”

“I know mum. Next time you’re here, there will be so many good ingredients, you could make ten roasts.”

Kath chuckled at her son.

“Nigel, dear, could you please grab some ingredients from the shop nearby. I’ll make you a list.”

“Is it okay if I come with you dad? I think some fresh air will be nice.”

“Of course, Phil. As long as you’re well enough for it.”

Phil nodded then faced Dan, “Do you want to join?”

Usually Dan would have said yes. When meeting new people, he usually stayed around the people he knew well because he felt awkward around strangers. But in this situation, he felt quickly comfortable around Phil’s mum so he opted to stay behind and keep her company.

“Phil told me you’re looking into doing YouTube too,” she mentioned when they sat on the sofa.

“Oh, yes. Everything he’s told me about it just fascinates me. I don’t think I’d be very good at it, but Phil believes I can do it.”

“That sounds very much like him.” She smiled before continuing, “I was always a bit worried for him when he was growing up. He was a good, friendly boy, but he never cared much about having actual friends. Always chose to watch films and make home movies with Martyn and his friends. I was starting to think that he was just someone who enjoyed being alone and that he would be for the rest of his life. You have no idea how glad I am that you’ve entered the picture.” 

Dan could see her eyes starting to water a little and offered her a tissue from the coffee table.

“Martyn said something similar. Something about how Phil didn’t care much for other people. I just can’t believe that about him because he always came in to the cafe to talk to me apparently. I didn’t know it meant anything more than small talk at the time and I don’t know why, in a way, he chose me. But I’m really glad he’s in my life too.”

“He chose to come home so suddenly last week. Usually he’d tell us weeks in advance, but he phoned me the morning of and said he’d be coming. I feared the worst as a mother, but turns out he was just having some boy troubles.” She laughed as she made eye contact with Dan.

They shared a look - an understanding that Phil was someone who was exceptional and deserved nothing but happiness. The look was a promise on Dan’s behalf that he would do nothing to hurt Phil. The look was one of gratitude on Kath’s part, thanking Dan for accompanying Phil in life.

Dan and Kathryn talked about more light-hearted topics for 20 minutes until Phil and Nigel returned with the groceries. They all helped in the kitchen - Phil chopped up the chicken and vegetables, Dan gathered the listed ingredients, Kathryn worked on the sauce, and Nigel stood in the corner to “supervise” as he called it.

The end product was chicken with white wine sauce and roasted vegetables. Dan made sure to get the recipe from Kath because it was one of the nicest meals he’d had in his life.

After dinner, they gathered in the living room to play some Scrabble. Kathryn opted not to join because she wanted to bake some dessert, so Phil, Dan, and Nigel took turns placing their tiles on the board. Nigel defeated both of them because he was always lucky with his hand and kept scoring triples.

Kath re-entered the room just in time, as Nigel shamelessly boasted his victory. She carried in a frosted cake with a ‘2’ and ‘6’ candle lit on top.

“Phil said your birthday was a few days ago, so I thought I’d make you a cake.” She placed it down in front of Dan.

“Oh my god. You really didn’t have to.” Dan felt overwhelmed by the gesture.

“Nonsense. You’re part of the Lesters now and that means you will always get a cake on your birthday.”

“Thank you,” Dan said, looking up at them with such joy.

“Dan candles wax blow,” Phil urgently said. His words came out jumbled as he panicked and stared at the blue liquid wax threatening to drip on the red velvet cake.

He didn’t make a wish this time as the air from his lungs extinguished the tiny flames. He had everything he could possibly ask for right now. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Phil’s parents bid them goodnight after they made plans for brunch with Phil in the morning. They would be headed back home afterwards due to work commitments. Because Phil’s place had only one bed, Kath and Nigel were going to spend the night at Martyn and Cornelia’s. 

Dan wished he could skip work and join them tomorrow, but he already missed Monday. They did constantly mention every single thing Dan should see when he and Phil came to visit them, which excited Dan to know they wanted to see him beyond this initial meeting. 

“I really like your parents,” Dan said as he came up behind Phil. He wrapped his arms around his torso and rested his chin on his shoulder.

“They like you too,” Phil giggled while turning his head to playfully bite at Dan’s cheek.

Dan helped Phil clean up the dirty dishes and put away board games in the lounge. 

“So what did you and my mum talk about while we were gone?” Phil asked while wiping a plate with a soapy sponge.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Dan smirked at him as he dried the previous plate Phil handed him.

“Well yeah, that’s why I’m asking.” Phil poked his tongue out.

“Ha ha, smart ass. But you know.. We talked about you.”

“Good things, I hope.”

“I told her you were kind of annoying and I felt sorry for you so that’s why I’m here,” He teased.

“Hey,” Phil bumped into him with his shoulder.

“No, I told her how lucky I was to have gotten to know you,” he said, serious this time.

Dan wished he could recall the progression of his hidden crush on Phil. He wished he could have allowed himself to feel it all instead of pushing it out of his mind. But he would take the time he had right now and never let one second go to waste.

“Aw, Danny,” Phil gave him a soft smile.

After the cleaning was completed, it was late enough that Dan knew he should get back to his flat and sleep. He could feel his eyes growing heavy and his energy diminishing. If he didn’t leave now, he’d end up spending the night and then he’d never want to leave the warmth of Phil’s body next to him in bed. Joe wouldn’t be too pleased with him if he was late to work again.

“Hey Dan..,” Phil started saying as they were stood at the door.

“Mhm,” Dan replied lazily.

“I was thinking we should go on a proper date this weekend.”

“I’d like that,” Dan answered, managing to shoot an excited smile at Phil.

“Great. Okay you should get going before you fall asleep on your way home.”

Phil opened the door, pressed a kiss on Dan’s lips, then sent him on his way.

  
  


The cafe was quite dead during the lunch hour, which was highly unusual. Dan leaned against the counter, browsing through Twitter, hoping to get some inspiration on what he should film for his first video. His phone suddenly vibrated, causing it to almost slip from his grip.

**Phil:** Friday. 7pm. Dress sharp.

**Dan:** I hope it’s nothing too fancy

**Phil:** ;)

Dan couldn’t help but goofily smile at the text.

“People in love are kind of gross,” Oli’s voice rang through.

“Shut up,” Dan retaliated while still smirking.

“Nah mate, I miss it.”

“No one new in your life?”

“No. My main priority is Genevieve. Plus, I don’t think I know how to talk people up anymore.”

“Well, if you ever wanted to head back in the ring, I’d be happy to babysit.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

Dan just stared at Oli’s back as Oli continued to wipe down the counter. If Oli never meddled in his love life, he wouldn’t have ended up where he was with Phil. He only hoped that Oli would get to find his own Phil someday. Dan would have suggested taking him out to meet people, but he knew Oli wasn’t ready for that just yet.

  
  


Friday evening came around in the blink of an eye. There were clothes scattered all over Dan’s bedroom floor. It felt just like the night he was choosing an outfit for the YouTube party, but this time he  _ knew _ he was trying to impress Phil. Shirt after shirt was being donned on and off before he chose the white thorn embroidered button up he rejected last time. Instead of black skinny jeans, he opted for black tapered trousers that exposed his ankles. And he chose black lace up loafers rather than his usual high top sneakers.

Phil would be picking him up soon. Dan was still clueless as to where they were headed. He kept checking himself out in his full-length mirror to ensure his outfit was on point and his curls were tamed. 

**Phil:** There in 5

Dan responded to let Phil know he read it. He grabbed his necessities and made his way to the lobby. A car pulled up to the front and he only knew it was Phil when he saw him step out of the vehicle to open the door for him.

They both leaned in for a quick hug. Dan did multiple takes of Phil’s face, which was nothing new because Dan loved getting to look at him. But today there was a blatant reason for him to keep looking.

“No glasses today?” Dan asked before stepping in to the car.

“Nope. It’s a special occasion,” Phil said as he slid into the backseat to join him.

He could tell Phil felt a bit self conscious because his voice got quieter when he asked, “Why? Does it look bad?”

“Not at all!” Dan reassured him and placed his hand on top of his on the seat. “Just wasn’t used to it. You look amazing as always.”

Phil blushed. “You look great too.”

Dan gave him a fond smile before looking away to see out the window. He never thought it was possible to be this happy and smile so much that his cheeks hurt, but here he was.

“Where are we going, Phil?” He asked as the car started driving down the road.

“You’ll see!” Phil said mischievously.

After what felt like eternity, the car pulled up the the curb next to a restaurant with a blue neon sign that said “Blackout.” It looked like an incredibly fancy and secretive speakeasy with its minimalist storefront. The brown bricks and tinted windows, the black metal door and seclusion from other shops intrigued Dan. He wondered how Phil found this place because he surely had never heard about it before.

“This place looks really nice, Phil. You sure we should go here?”

“Martyn’s friend owns it. It’s all good, Danny boy.” He held his hand out for Dan to take and lead him through the black door.

“Reservation for Phil,” He told the hostess when they reached the front desk.

The lady brought them to a small room with a bar, bookshelves, and small round tables to stand at. The corridor they walked down to get there was dimly lit, but this room had more lights illuminating it. 

“I guess I should have asked beforehand, but you’re not afraid of the dark are you?”

“Um.. kind of,” Dan answered skeptically.

“Oh crap. Well uh we’re basically going to be dining in the dark. But it’s totally okay if you’d prefer to go elsewhere. Just thought this would be a cool experience. I’ll just let them know-”

“Phil,” Dan interrupted his rambling. “Phil, it’s fine. This actually sounds really cool.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan reassured him. “It’s not like Slenderman’s gonna pop out and scare me while I’m trying to eat.. Right?”

Phil chuckled. “I can promise you the only thing that’s going to scare you is the amount of food I’ll have spilled on me after.”

They glanced through the menu to pre-select their meals. Dan chose the honey glazed chicken with grilled vegetables and Phil chose the oven-roasted meatloaf topped with Jack Daniels gravy and garlic mashed potatoes. They both decided upon the cheesecake with strawberry drizzle for dessert.

Phil’s name was called by the hostess and they made their way over to a door that lead to the dining room. 

“So just some quick info before you head in. Yes, our waiting staff are visually impaired, but are perfectly capable of serving your meals and ensuring you have the best dining experience. Your waitress today is Maia. She’s one of our best and if you have any questions or concerns, she’ll be more than happy to assist you. Please wait here and she’ll come fetch you shortly.”

Dan was beginning to feel a little nervous. Beyond that door was pitch black. He wasn’t as clumsy as Phil was, but was terrified of tripping over something and not seeing where he was going to land. He felt Phil’s hand squeeze his causing him to look up at Phil’s face.

“You okay?”

Dan gave him a tight-lipped smile and a nod.

The door opened and a woman with golden brown skin and tight curly hair emerged.

“Phil?” She called out.

“Yes,” Phil said as he stepped closer towards her.

“Hi there! I’m Maia, I’ll be your server tonight. Just to verify, party of two?”

“Yes yes.”

“How are you both doing tonight? Are we celebrating anything?”

“We’re doing well, thanks. And it’s our first date actually.”

“Aw, thank you for choosing Blackout as the restaurant! I hope it’ll be a good time for you both.”

“Thank you!”

“I’m going to provide you with some instructions beforehand. So what’s going to happen is one of you will place your hand on my right shoulder and the other person will place their hand on your right shoulder. I will lead you to your table and I’ll let you know when to reach out and sit. Then you two can chat as I grab your food. Any questions or concerns before we head on in?”

“None from me. How about you, Dan?”

“Nope, all good.”

“Perfect! Let’s head on in.”

Phil placed his hand on Maia’s shoulder and Dan placed his hand on his. They stepped through the door and Dan could feel terror start to kick in once the darkness enveloped them. He must have squeezed Phil’s shoulder because he felt Phil’s left arm reach backward to hold his left hand.

It was a short walk to their table. Maia gave clear instructions for Dan to shuffle to his left a bit and feel for the seat so he could pull it out and sit. She lead Phil to the seat on the opposite side of him.

Dan could hear the sound of other diners around them. He could tell there were a lot of people in the room, despite not being able to see them. He half expected his other senses to heighten automatically, but nothing but fear seemed to be increasing.

“Clearly I didn’t think this through,” Phil’s voice exclaimed, louder than normal.

Dan frowned before realizing Phil couldn’t see his face.  “Why?”

“I won’t get to see your pretty face all night.”

Dan snorted. “You’re so lame, Lester.”

“Guess it’s also a good thing. We can talk more without me getting distracted by staring at you.”

“You have to stop,” Dan giggled.

He was grateful for Phil’s banter. It helped to distract him from his loss of vision.

Maia dropped by to give them a bread basket and their beverages - two glasses of water and two glasses of red wine.

“Still feeling scared?” Phil asked.

Dan could hear him pick up his butterknife to cut into the bread.

“Kind of, but talking to you helps,” he responded as he slowly reached out to feel for his wine glass.

“May I ask what made you afraid of the dark?”

“Um, watching the Blair Witch Project. It also stemmed my fear of forests.”

“Oh that’s fair. That movie spooked me too.”

Suddenly Dan heard a sound that made him jump a little.

“Oops.”

“What did you drop, Phil?”

“My butterknife. Can I borrow yours?”

“Are you going to drop mine too?”

“I can’t make any promises.”

Dan chuckled as he blindly reached the tail end of his knife out to Phil.

“So how was brunch with your parents yesterday?”

“It was good. They’ve started planning our annual Lester family vacation to Florida.”

“Oh yeah? How long do you guys go for?”

“It depends how busy my schedule is. But at least a week.”

“Wow, I have to go another week without you?”

“Don’t be silly. You’re coming with me.”

“Yeah?” Dan smiled. “I’ve never been.”

“Well Danny, I have a lot to show you then, don’t I?”

  
  


Maia returned with their meals. Within the first two minutes, Dan already heard Phil silently curse to himself about dropping sauce on his pants. Dan just laughed every time Phil angrily mumbled.

“That was amazing,” Dan said after he swallowed his last carrot.

“Agreed.”

“Thank you for taking me here. It’s actually so nice to genuinely talk during a meal.”

He didn’t realize how easy it was to get distracted in the company of others. People were always checking their phones or having their gazes fixated on something in the room causing conversations to just die. This atmosphere made you want to fill the silence and say things without fearing what the person across from you’s facial expression might say.

“I know what you mean. But I like talking to you in general. Don’t think I’d ever get sick of talking to you.”

Dan was grateful that Phil couldn’t see the blush on his face. He had no idea what Phil saw in him all this time, but he wasn’t going to make him regret being with him. Even though there were still things Phil didn’t know about him, he’d cross those bridges when they got there.

“I could talk to you forever, too.”

“I can’t wait to see you though.”

“Honestly, same.”

Their desserts were delivered and they scarfed them down quickly. They had gotten to the point where they were just eager to see each other. They hadn’t talked about anything too personal because they were still in a public setting. Dan was ready to kiss Phil’s lips off and admire his beauty.

Maia lead them back to the dimly lit hallway. Dan had to blink multiple times before his eyes could re-adjust to sight. 

“I kind of hope I don’t lose my sight in this lifetime,” Dan said after Phil kindly paid for their dinner.

“I have such respect for blind people now. I think I have a few new bruises from bumping into people’s tables on the way out.”

“And some new stains,” Dan pointed out, amused.

Phil had brown gravy stains on his plaid button-up and black skinny jeans. He licked his thumb and tried to rub them away.

“Not as bad as I thought, to be honest.”

  
  


Instead of a nice evening breeze, Dan just felt heat when they stepped outside.

“Wow, why is it still so hot?”

Phil pulled his phone out. “Looks like we’re having a heatwave this week.”

Dan started fanning himself with his hand. His intoxication from drinking wine adding to his heat intolerance. 

“The Uber should be here in a minute.”   
  


 

When they get back to Phil’s flat, Dan’s first instinct was to change his shirt into something with shorter sleeves. He’s so impatient that he’d already half unbuttoned it before they stepped through the door.

“Wow it’s boiling. Did you want to borrow-” Phil stopped mid-sentence once he turned to face Dan. 

Dan dropped his top on the floor. A move he would never had otherwise made if he weren’t slightly wine drunk. He approached Phil, whose jaw is still dropped, and wrapped his arms around his neck. After he looked into Phil’s wide eyes, he leaned in to kiss him on the mouth.

Phil returned the kiss instantly. His hands crawled up Dan’s bare back. They’re stood in the middle of the flat just hungrily going at each other. Dan’s mind knows where this is going and can’t hold off any longer. He removed his arms from Phil’s neck and brought his hands to Phil’s jeans. He felt the metal button and undoes quickly it while never taking his lips off Phil’s. Next, Phil’s zipper gets pulled down and Dan is ready to tug his jeans off of his body. Before he could, Phil abruptly gasped and peeled his body away from Dan’s.

“Shit, shit, sorry. It’s too soon and you’re still healing,” Dan began to ramble.

“No, no it’s okay. I just need a minute. Um, I need to go to the toilet,” Phil said before hurrying off and shutting the door.

Dan’s stood there, confused. He had assumed they were on the same page about things, but now he just felt like he forced himself onto Phil. 

He tossed a shirt from Phil’s drawer on and waited for him on the sofa. More thoughts ran through his mind. Thoughts that Phil wasn’t attracted to him in that way, that he made Phil feel uncomfortable, that he didn’t talk to Phil about whether or not he wanted to.

It had been half an hour and Phil still hadn’t come out of the bathroom, so Dan walked over to the door and gently knocked. “Phil?”

Phil didn’t answer, but Dan heard the sound of movement right at the door. He assumed Phil was sat against it.

“Phil if I did anything wrong, please let me know,” Dan said as he sank down to sit against the door as well.

Phil’s voice was small, “I’m sorry. It’s not you at all. It’s me.”

“Want to tell me about it? I want to help however I can.”

“It’s.. it’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Phil. Nothing you tell me will make me think differently about you.”

There was a moment of silence before he heard Phil take in a deep breath.

“I.. I’ve never slept with anyone before.”

Dan could tell Phil’s confession was something he felt ashamed of. In all honesty, it wasn’t something that mattered to him, but he could see it was something that Phil had a hard time with.

“Is that it?”

“Is that not strange, though? I’m 30 and I haven’t hit that milestone and I should have..”

Dan knew the stigma around virginity that had been taught by society. Every teenage drama had plotlines involving it, with prom being the popular time period to lose it. He knew how pressured people felt to have sex young because of what they saw on TV because he lost his virginity to a girl he dated to fit in at school when he wasn’t out yet. If he could go back in time, he definitely would have waited until he was dating someone he was actually interested in.

“Phil.. there’s no proper order of doing things in life. So what you haven’t slept with anyone? You shouldn’t do things because you feel like you have to, you should do it because you want to.”

Silence again.

“Do you want to..? With me?” Dan questioned.

“That’s what’s scary. I actually do. I’ve never wanted to with anyone I’ve met before, but with you.. I don’t know, you’re different,” Phil admitted.

“Um, would you.. Would you say you’ve considered yourself asexual or demisexual?”

“I don’t know. I guess? I just tried not to label anything because it got too confusing.”

“I understand.”

“I guess I’m just confused about my feelings towards you. How I could spend so long disregarding people around me and being okay on my own, but meeting you just threw me for a loop.”

“The world works weirdly that way.”

“Yeah.”

Dan was trying his best to word things correctly without scaring or offending Phil. He liked that Phil was opening up to him instead of bottling up. He just wasn’t sure if he knew how to approach the situation in the right way.

“Phil.. I know you’re probably terrified about how you feel right now. But I just want you to know that I’m here with you okay. We’ll go at your speed, whatever you’re okay with.”

“What if I’m never ready..?”

“Then we don’t even have to do it.” 

“I don’t want to take that away from you..”

“Phil, I don’t care about all that crap. I just care about you, got it?”

He could hear Phil take in a deep breath and exhale it. The door handle then jingled and the door opened slowly. Phil was now visible in front of him, eyes red from crying. He nodded in agreement to Dan’s question before scooting over and leaning into Dan.

“We’ll go as slow or fast as you want to. You just let me know everything you’re feeling. I want to make sure you’re comfortable and not scared or anything,” Dan said while stroking Phil’s hair.

“Sometimes it seems like you’re not even real,” Phil admitted.

“I think the same about you sometimes. Now let’s go to bed. Is cuddling okay?”

Phil nodded into his chest.

 

It was true, everything Dan said. He wouldn’t mind what circumstances he had Phil in because all that mattered was that he had him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled back and forth with whether or not I wanted to write Phil this way. Probably because it was pretty relatable to how I feel. I just wasn’t sure if that would be believable or whatever and in the end I decided it was valid. There are people who feel like Phil does, despite the age, and hopefully having his character written this way could help others feel like it’s totally okay.
> 
> I changed my username on tumblr to howellucinogenics, so come say hi if you'd like!


	15. Chapter 15

Heatwaves in London were brutal as fuck. Dan woke up with sweat dripping from his forehead, onto his neck, and down his back. Phil was cuddled against him, still sound asleep. As much as he’d love to continuously be pressed against his boyfriend, he was feeling restless from the warmth. He raised Phil’s arm that was wrapped around his waist and snuck out of the bed, trying not to wake him. He felt sticky and gross and needed nothing more than a cold shower.

Once his body felt refreshed and cooled down, he realized he forgot to grab a change of clothes. He was hoping Phil would still be asleep as he tiptoed out of the bathroom with just a towel around his hips. He wasn’t sure if his half-naked state would make Phil feel uncomfortable.

When he opened the door, he saw Phil sat up in bed with his knees to his chest. He was looking over at him with an expression Dan couldn’t read.

“I forgot to grab some clothes before heading into the shower,” Dan mentioned in an effort to break the odd silence.

Phil just nodded. His stare still semi-blank.

“Everything okay?”

Phil quickly shook his head. “Just had a bad dream then I woke up and you weren’t here, so my mind just went to a bad place..”

Dan hurried over and sat at the edge of the bed, close to Phil.

“Hey, look at me.. I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere, Phil. You could tell me you hated me and I’d still be here.”

He pulled Phil into a hug with one arm, using the other to keep his towel from dropping. He could feel the dampness of Phil’s sweaty forehead pressed into his neck.

“I should get dressed though. _If_ you’re ever going to see me naked, I don’t want it to be like this,” Dan joked, which got him a laugh from Phil.

“Someday, hopefully,” Phil quietly said under his breath.

Dan worked on making them breakfast while Phil hopped into the shower. He knew figuring out what Phil was comfortable with was something they had to discover together. He knew Phil was alright with cuddling, hugging, and kissing; which all in itself was good enough for Dan. Sex would be something they’d have to start slowly with and all on Phil’s terms. He was more than okay with going at Phil’s speed because Phil was all he needed.

  


“I’ve been thinking of some video ideas,” Dan said. He was sat on the sofa while Phil was at his computer, editing an AmazingPhil video about his surgery.

“Yeah?” Phil answered as he took his headphones off of his ears.

Dan flipped through a mini notebook he carried around in case he got inspired by something.

“Yeah, I figured I could either do a small guide about how to figure out if you like someone more than a friend, but make it funny somehow. Or I could talk about funny things that have happened to me at work.”

“I really like the first one. Sounds like something I’d click on.”

“Cool cool cool. Think I’ll start writing some bullet points.”

The two of them worked silently over the next few hours. Phil managed to finish his video and Dan was able to come up with enough ideas to run by Phil.

“Oh my god, Dan, you need to film this video like right now.”

“I don’t think I can do it with you listening or watching,” Dan said shyly.

“That’s fair. I can’t really film in front of people unless they’re helping me out. But promise me you’ll film it this week.”

“Def will.”

“Great,” Phil smiled at him. “Now let’s grab some dinner. I can’t believe we worked through lunch.”

“What are you feeling?”

“Hmm, burgers?”

“Sweet jesus, yes!”

They had spent the whole day just wearing t-shirts and their pants because of the heat and lack of London air conditioning. They had also barely made any physical contact since the morning. Dan wasn’t sure if it was because of the temperature or if Phil felt awkward after what he told him last night.

Dan didn’t know if he could still make moves to be closer to Phil or if he should wait for Phil to approach him. He didn’t have to wonder long because after dinner, Phil rested his head on Dan’s lap while they binge watched The Rain on Netflix.

“Crap. I don’t know if I remembered to ask you, but if you’re free tomorrow, did you want to come for my late birthday dinner at Joe and Helen’s tomorrow? Sorry, didn’t mean to spring it on you last minute. It just completely slipped my mind.”

“Dan, yeah. I’ll go,” Phil smiled up at him.

“Great,” he returned the smile.

 

When the clock struck midnight, Dan and Phil felt ready for bed. They peeled the duvet off of Phil’s bed because it only added to their sweatiness. At first, they laid separately on their backs with space in between them to keep cool. After a few minutes of just staring at the ceiling, Dan glanced over at Phil who was just staring at him.

“What? Is there something on my face?” Dan asked, half-smiling.

Phil just shook his head, with his lips turned upward. “I just like looking at you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“You have a very pretty face.”

Dan grinned. “So do you, mister.”

Phil shifted his body a little, hesitatingly. Dan could tell he was contemplating something in his mind as his right shoulder would lift up slightly then fall back onto the bed. Eventually Phil committed to his action and rolled over until he was pressed against Dan’s side.

“Hi,” Dan said, amused.

“Hi.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Um, a lot.”

“What’s one thing?”

“You.”

“In what way?”

“There’s.. there’s a lot of things I want to try.. with you. I’m just scared.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Phil.”

“I know, but I want to.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Phil’s fingers began to walk across his stomach, on top of his shirt. Each finger movement like a small tickle. He held his breath every time a finger would glide across. In a matter of seconds, Phil’s fingers began lifting Dan’s shirt and started tracing on his bare skin.

“Do you want this off?” Dan asked, gesturing to his shirt.

Phil nodded nervously.

Dan sat up and removed it. He usually slept with his shirt off at his own flat and would rather be topless in this heat. He laid back down and Phil’s fingers returned to his body, crawling upward. Eventually his finger grazed over Dan’s nipple causing Dan to gasp slightly.

“S-sorry,” Phil stuttered and removed his hand from Dan’s body.

“N-no, it’s okay. Just a sensitive spot.”

“Oh.”

“In a good way,” Dan reassured him.

Phil put his finger back to where he left off. He tested Dan’s sensitivity by circling around his nipples before touching them again. His eyes widened whenever Dan reacted.

“Does it really feel that good?” Phil asked curiously. He settled on resting his hand in the centre of Dan’s chest and his head on Dan’s arm.

“It depends. Some people enjoy it and some don’t really care for it.”

Phil didn’t respond after that so Dan assumed he fell asleep, but when he looked down, Phil’s eyes were still open. He could see that Phil was lost in his thoughts.

“If you ever wanted to try it, just let me know, okay?”

“Uh, y-yeah. Let’s.”

Before Dan could double, triple, and quadruple check if Phil was sure, Phil was already sat up to take off his shirt. Dan admired the chest hair that grew on Phil’s torso. He himself didn’t have nearly as much hair, but it looked so attractive on Phil. Phil quickly laid back down on Dan’s arm, hiding himself from Dan’s gaze.

“Phil, your body is amazing.”

Phil blushed, but Dan could tell he wasn’t uncomfortable because he cracked a joke. “That’s why I’m called AmazingPhil, duh.”

Dan chuckled as he walked his fingers along Phil’s stomach, careful to avoid his bandages.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not so much anymore. Your fingers kind of tickle though.”

He traced circles around all three of the incisions. He knew Phil’s stomach would be one of his favourite body parts to touch and he was right. The smoothness of his skin combined with fine hairs felt divine under his fingertips. The moment he started working his way upward, he could feel Phil inhale a deep breath.

“Just tell me to stop when you feel uncomfortable.”

Phil just nodded with his eyes shut.

His fingers danced around Phil’s nipples, teasing the touch without actually placing his fingers on it. When he finally swiped over it, he could feel Phil’s body jerk underneath his touch.

“Okay still?” Dan asked.

“God, yes.”

Dan continued to faintly touch him until Phil suddenly ran his hand up Dan’s side and arched his body upward to kiss Dan. It was a kiss of pure want and desire. A kiss unlike one they’ve shared before. One that caused Phil to bring a leg onto either side of Dan’s hips and latch on to his cheeks with his hands. Dan could feel that Phil was half hard on his stomach and knew he was growing hard too. But he didn’t dare to reach in that direction, not unless Phil was ready for that.

Dan broke their kiss to consult with Phil. “Where do you want to go from here? Both of us are pretty damn into this, but you call the shots.”

The answer was evident when Phil climbed off of him. “Sorry.. sorry.”

“Phil, you don’t have to apologize. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready, and that’s valid.”

Phil nodded, but didn’t look him in the eye.

“I’m proud of you, okay. Now come here, let’s go to sleep.”

Dan opened his arm for Phil to lie into. Once they were cozied up, and carelessly overheated, Dan switched off the lamp on the bedside table.

  


“Should we pick something up on our way?” Phil asked as he buttoned up one of his plaid shirts.

“Helen would be insulted if we ate something that wasn’t her cooking.”

“How about flowers or something?”

“Um, yeah that should be okay.”

“What are her favourites?”

“She really loves orchids.”

“Perfect. There’s a floral shop I pass by a lot that always has pretty orchids on display.”

It was endearing how excited Phil got over plants. If he wasn’t prone to killing them, Dan could see his flat having terrariums and succulents all over. Maybe someday if Phil learned how to take better care of them or someone with a green thumb could tend to the regularly. Dan never cared much for them, but he had to agree that the many variations of plants were fascinating and they were awfully pretty to look at.

They made their way to the shop and Phil picked out a really extravagant orchid that faded from yellow to a peachy orange. It was the most expensive one in the shop, but Phil just waved a hand at Dan every time he tried to suggest he pick a cheaper one.

“I need to make a good first impression,” Phil said.

“They’re going to love you. You really don’t have to try that hard,” Dan reasoned.

“Hush. Let me buy the pretty plant.”

They called an Uber and rode to Joe and Helen’s with the orchid seated between them, secured by Phil’s arm wrapped around the base. Dan would just laugh and roll his eyes whenever he looked over and Phil shut his eyes and cuddled the orchid closer.

“I see I’ve been replaced so soon,” Dan said, holding a hand to his heart and pretending to be hurt.

“Sorry Dan. Richard the orchid just gets me.”

“You named it?”

“I named _him_ , yes.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

  


They finally arrived at the Marano household. Seeing the grey brick exterior and the brown painted garage reminded Dan of being a kid. It also reminded him that he hadn’t been here in a while. He walked slightly ahead of Phil and rang the doorbell, despite still having a key.

“Daniel!” Helen opened the door and rushed over to hug him, “Happy birthday, dear! I’ve missed you so much.”

“Thank you! I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry I don’t keep in touch more,” he returned the embrace.

Helen was very petite, so Dan had to crouch down quite a bit to match her height. Her shoulder length brown hair with blonde highlights still smelled like roses, as it always had since he’s known her.

“And who is this?” She asked once she released him from the hug.

“This is Phil, my um, my boyfriend.” Dan blushed as he said it. This was the first time he was introducing Phil as his boyfriend and it felt so nice to call him that.

“Hi Phil, I’m Helen,” Helen said as she approached him with open arms.

Phil placed Richard on the ground and entered Helen’s embrace. “So nice to meet you. I got you this orchid because Dan told me they’re you’re favourite.”

“Oh my god, it’s beautiful. Thank you, dear. I’m glad you’re here,” She told him.

“Joe, long time no see,” Dan joked when Joe appeared.

“You’re such a joker, Daniel,” he said as he gave Dan a pat on the arm.

“This is Phil, my boyfriend. I know you may have seen him come into the store a couple of times.”

Phil’s cheeks blushed pink a little at Dan’s remark because they both knew he was there more than a couple of times.

“Ah yes yes. Thank you for making Daniel a happy boy. He needs it.”

“Thank you for teaching him to be who he is,” Phil spoke.

“I can’t take all of the credit, but I do take 80% of it.”

They all laughed at Joe’s lame dad joke.

“There’s a surprise in the lounge for you Daniel. A little birthday gift from us.”

Dan’s face showed a bit of worry. “You guys really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Just go look,” Joe pushed.

Dan walked slowly towards the lounge, hesitant to see what they got him. He really didn’t need them spending money on some fancy gadget he didn’t need. When he rounded the corner, his jaw instantly dropped.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can we tell i wrote this during a heatwave? lol
> 
> this was initially gonna be a much longer chapter, but i split it so i could post one today :) plus i haven't finished writing the whole thing lol

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be updating this fic once a week or so!
> 
> howellucinogenics on Tumblr if you wanted to come say hi.


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